I still think you're beautiful { kellic }

Chapter 6

(still trigger warning as going from last chapter! stay strong everyone)

VIC'S POV

Kellin was let home this morning, and we both went back to my house. "Kellin, can we talk?" i spoke, nervously playing with my hands to distract myself. "yeah, of course. About what?" He said back, I'm pretty sure he already knew, he just didn't want to talk about it. "last night" i tried to whisper because i knew it was a very touchy subject. He just slightly nodded his head and sat on my bed facing me. "Kells, what happened? was it me?" i tried to not let the tears fall. "No, it wasn't you, not in any way. i promise." He was trying to avoid the main question. Why. I know what he's feeling, I've been where his mind is right now. Heck I'm still there, i just don't let people in easily, i don't trust people, but i think i can trust Kellin. "Why..?" i said very slowly. "I don't really wanna get into it" he spoke so sadly, and totally understood. 

"If i tell you my story, Maybe you can tell me your own" i said, honestly i was hoping he wouldn't hear me, but he did. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want, Vic" he said as he looked at the floor, i felt just as uncomfortable as he looked. "Neither do you, but maybe this can help us". We both agreed and I moved back onto my bed some more and crossed my legs. "I was 11, My dad had never really been super friendly with me. I got used to it. But this one night, It was the first night he had ever hurt me. I never thought he would, ya know? being my dad and all. But he did and it still haunts me, i think it always will." i stopped, i couldn't continue. fuck, Vic, why do you always do this. "if you can't go on Vic its totally okay, i understand" kellin said looking concerned. "its okay, just give me a second." i said and Kellin gave me a sad half smile. "I was 13 when the bullying got really bad, i had to change school, like numerous times. It still kept happening though and it made me hate myself more then anything, that's why i got so angry when those boys had gone to hurt you, i didn't want you to have to deal with their shit." Kellin nodded in understanding. "I got called a faggot and told to die many times during a day, and i would get beat up, punched and put into lockers until someone found me. I was 14 when i first held a blade to myself, honestly first off i had no clue what or why i was doing that, but after the first cut i felt relief somehow. If i didn't have a sharp object or blade, i would burn myself with a lighter. I couldn't stop myself. This went on until i was 16, and i was just over life. I had planned my suicide months before, and i actually went with it. I had filled the bathtub with hot water, although not hot enough to burn me, and i had actually saved up pills for a long time. I was wasted, i don't remember that much but i know i took all the pills and i passed out. I went into a coma, and i didn't wake up for 2 weeks. The doctors honestly thought i wasn't going to make it. Mike, my little brother, apparently didn't leave the room other then going to the bathroom, which was built into the room i was in. Once i woke up, the first person i saw was Mikey, and he looked broken. he was crying so much and he made me promise him i wouldn't ever leave him. They put me in a mental hospital and it was so bad, but i made my friends there, Jaime and Tony. They live about half an hour away from me but they have been there for me since day 1. I pretended i got better just so i could be let out, and they believed it. This was 2 years ago, i've relapsed a lot since then but i'm trying my best to stay for Mikey, and of course you" i finally finished what i was saying and my voice actually hurt, i was trying to hold back my tears but i couldn't for any longer. "Vic, i'm so sorry, come here" kellin said trying to comfort me. He motioned for me to sit on his lap, and i did. I was hoping i didn't squish him. "You shouldn't of had to go through that Vic. I promise i'm always going to be here if you wanna talk" he spoke again. his words made me feel safe.

"It's only fair if i tell you my story now.." kellin said. "Well, i don't really know where to start. I don't know my mum, she had left when i was a lot younger. I mean, i guess i had known her, but i don't remember her at all. I don't know why she left, maybe she had a good reason, maybe not. My dad has always blamed me, He uh.. Hurts me sometimes.." he looked down, like he was ashamed but started speaking again. "I've never had friends, like ever. Growing up as a kid, with absolutely no one is so difficult. All i ever wanted in primary school was for someone, anyone to want to be my friend. Yet no one did. I was labeled the 'emo boy' through out all my school years. One day, it was at recess, my sleeve had gone up a little, enough to show my wrist. Some girl seen and told everyone and i was soon told to just 'go and cut myself' by everyone, even my father. The past few years I've almost completely isolated myself from everyone. I didn't attend school for months straight at one point, and i guess now i'm here" he spoke so sadly. i honestly felt horrible and i could relate so much. I hugged him, and he hugged me back. We didn't let go for a while, we just stayed like that. It helped calm me, and i think it did to for Kells.

( a/n- How is ittttt? like and comment! thank you guys!! )