We drove off waving goodbye to my grandparents house. It was going to be a long ride home. I put in my earbuds, avoiding conversation. A sad song came on in my shuffle, and the lyrics reminded me of my Grandpa. Never mind. I quickly changed my song to a rap song, they helped me feel like nothing could bother me. They were my walls of security to protect me from all my scattered emotions. What emotions? Well, I guess I could tell you a little.
When I was ten and eleven I was bullied really bad. I still don't know what I did. They teased me about being ugly, stupid, and especially fat. I'm still really sensitive about the subject of being overweight. I don't starve myself, I want to stay strong, and just work harder than I ever have. I am thirteen years old, and I weigh 105 pounds. I didn't know if this was normal or not. I just feel very vulnerable a lot of the time. I haven't told anyone about my insecurities. My mom thinks that the years I got teased horribly were some of the best years of my life, because I didn't want her to feel sorry for me, I didn't want her to defend me, that's just not how the world works. I can stick up for myself, so I didn't tell her. Every day when I got off the bus I would plaster a big smile on my face and I would hug mommy and daddy and tell them how much I love them. Then I would go to my room make sure no one could hear me, and cry. Why don't they like me? Why do they tease me? What did I do to them? Were questions that went through my head often those years. Then after 6th grade we moved to where we live now, in Maine.
Another insecurity would be that I have astraphobia. That means that I just freak out whenever there's thunder and lightning. My heart just starts beating super fast, and well, I guess it's kinda just like an anxiety attack, because I have trouble calming down. I mean, I wish I didn't freak out, it's just that ever since I was little I've been this way. I mean, it's pretty bad, if I'm in public or away from home when a thunder and lightning storm comes, well, it's not gonna be pretty.
We pulled into my driveway, and I got out of the car super tired and sore. I grabbed my luggage and carried it up to my room. When I got there, I fell on my bed, and groaned. "So tirrrreeed!!!"
Then my phone dinged.
Hey!
Hey
How r u? 😊
Eh, kinda bored, talking to strangers. Ya know, everyday stuff. 😂
Hardy har har... Anyone cute? 😁
Uhh, well, they won't even tell me who they are. So idk
Haha alright fine. What do you want to know?
Uh, how about your gender?
Boy
K, how old r u?
13, u?
Hey, I'm asking questions now u later!
Alright, alright, fine! But you only get one more question!
Okay... Where do you live?
Virginia. K my turn!
Alright, but only three questions.
And you promise to answer them all truthfully??
Yeah yeah, fine! 🙄
Ooooo this is gonna be good!! 😁
Creep. 😶
Haha whatever weirdo.
Oh, so I'm weirdo now?? You texted me just for the record. 🙄
Well, you got me there. 😂 Okay, so first question:
Hurry up! 😂
Where do you live?
Maine
K, boy or girl?
Girl. Last question make it count!!! 😂
I'm thinking!! Geeze! 😂😂 Ok ok, how old are you?
Ugh you stole ALL of my questions! Unoriginal. 🙄😂
Whatever, just answer the question. 😂
Ok fine, I'm 13.
Oooo I knew I felt something between us... 😍
Ew! Yeah right! 😒
You love me. 🙃
No, I don't KNOW you.
Yeah, but you will.
What are you taking about? It's not like we're going to ever see each other.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Of course I am. 😂
Well, talk later cutie. 😊
Seriously, stop calling me that.
Haha
I wasn't kidding.
Wow, you are just brutal.
I know. 😈
😞
