Torn

Unexpected

November 15, two months after the crash 

"Clarke! You can't just leave!" Harper called after her receding footsteps

"Why?!" her voice harsher than ever. She whipped around, the bag around her shoulder flying across the floor, "Why not Harper?!" 

Her face was blazing and her breathing was heavy. She couldn't stay there any longer, she needed to find her, now. 

"Clarke, you're not thinking straight," Bellamy said, his arms crossed

"Oh shut up" she spat, "My mom's out there Bellamy and you know it; and I'm gonna find her." 

"C'mon, you're tired and winter will be here soon. You can't just go out on your own and wander through the woods aimlessly," Monty held his hands up

"He's right Clarke, you can't go." Miller took a step forward

"Don't-" Clarke said disgusted, "Don't touch me." She felt as if she was on fire and the only water she could find was her mother; even if the chance was slight. 

"What're gonna do? Lock me up here? What I can and cannot not do is my business. Not yours, not Harper's, or Monty's or Jasper's or anyone else's in this camp." 

"If that's what it takes," Bellamy sighed

Clarke blinked, "What?" 

"If locking you up is what it takes to keep you from doing it, I'll do it. We'll do it," he looked around the room, a collective nod swept across their friends. 

"What? What?" Clarke sputtered. She stared in disbelief at the nods and bile crept into her throat, "You can't be serious."

She flexed her hands and snatched up her bag, stalking towards the door. She hated them, she hated all of them. 

"Miller." Bellamy's gruff voice spoke up 

Miller locked the hatch, blocking it from her path, "I'm sorry Clarke, but you have to understand. You'll die if you go out there, it's for your own safety." 

She scoffed, "Get outta my way Miller." 

He shook his head solemnly. 

"Monty, Jasper" Bellamy tilt his head, his eyes not meeting hers

"You're serious." Clarke scoffed again

"It's for your own good." 

"That's not for your to decide!"

Monty and Jasper walked up to her, slowly, cautiously, "Clarke, you know we love you, we don't want to hurt you." 

"Don't touch me, guys, don't-stop, stop! Let go of me!" Clarke struggled against Jasper's hold

He had his arms locked around her stomach, and she had never realized how strong he was. He held her firm, his breathing steady. 

"Jasper!-"she kicked, but Monty caught her feet, gripping her by the ankles

Clarke screamed, her legs hopelessly squirming out of the two people she least expected.

"How dare you! How dare you?! Get off of me, Harper! Harper, you can't let them do this. Please, please! She's still alive, she's still-"

"You don't even know where to start Clarke!" Harper held ropes in her hands

"Clarke, please, don't make us do this. Don't make this any harder than it already is." 

Clarke elbowed Jasper but he held tight, painfully tight, "NO."

Jasper and Monty carried her to a chair and Harper quickly started to wrap the rope around her hands and feet. Clarke stared at Bellamy, her eyes burning. 

Harper was sure to tie simple knots, easy to undo once they were out and she was locked in. She swiped a tear from her cheek as she tied Clarke's feet to the chair. 

"Please, please. You said you loved me. Guys, you can't do this, you have to understand. My mom's out there, scared and alone. She's defenseless and the Grounders' will kill her. You don't understand what that feels like." she pleaded

"Oh we know exactly how that feels. We've known that our entire lives. We've known that ever since they threw us in solitary confinement, when they floated our parents, our brothers, our sisters. We've felt all that while your mother watched and made the decisions." Miller's voice was so small it was almost inaudible, "You don't get to say that Clarke. We out of all people understand what she feels like. She'll survive. Yeah, she'll want to die ever single day because of her miserable life but she'll pull through. You know why? Because we did. And if we've  fought our hell, she can damn well fight hers." 

The room fell. 

He took a shaky breath and wrenched open the hatch. Clarke watched him disappear down the ladder, the others followed in shocked pursuit. Bellamy waited till the room was empty to leave. His foot landed on the rung and and he made his descend, painfully slow, until only his head was visible. He reached up to the latch, his hand trembling on its handle; ducking his head he brought it down. 

"If you love me, let me go," Clarke whispered, her eyes glued to his

His eyes widened and his heart ripped, but he knew; he closed the remaining space and locked the hatch. 

"I  can't."