Jazs's Journal

June 10th , 2016

Today, wasn't bad , wasn't good , wasn't chill .. It was just a day , a day that will be blurred from my memory due to lack of sufficient or satisfying events.
One thing I will remember though is an adult telling me that my goals would be hard . Telling me that I need to go to college because being a music artist isn't really a living. She said that very few people make it BIG . And I've been told this before but every time it hurts more . Not because of what she said but because I want it so bad and to be successful that I'd do anything (not "anything" but anything).
I am far too talented and far too beautiful and far too smart to sit in a desk my whole life till the age of 60, work for a company that probably hates black people but I'm the only one qualified for the job , wake up everyday dreading my life , married by 30 with 4 kids , a husband who annoys my soul but we've been together too long to call it a quits , have a dog we call "max" and think that the "AMERICAN DREAM" is all there is to life .
I don't want to live the American Dream , I want to live MY dreams.
I will be someone people 40 years from now listen to my music and quote my words , sing along to my songs , have statues dedicated to me and 40 years from now I will be able to be at peace with my conscious . You know why ? Because I've achieved what they said I couldn't.
All my life I knew I had a purpose . All my life I've been running and I'm tired of running , I'm tired of everyone telling me that I need to be "realistic" .
I need to succeed like I need air in my lungs. Today , my thought process hasn't been strained or been delayed or interrupted but stimulated . She made me think about how much harder I must work to achieve what is mine already ..it just hasnt happen yet .