From Straight Lines to Circles (bxb) ***ON HOLD***

Chapter Nineteen

Enjoy :)

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***CHARLIES POV***

"Hey babe." I smiled, opening my front door after the doorbell chimed. Collin stood there, his hair as messy and unkempt as usual. He looked handsome, his tight white v-neck and black jeans framing his muscular body. But after further scanning I was able to come to the conclusion that something was slightly off.

His brow was slightly furrowed, his face slightly frowning as he stood on my doorstep. I was about to question it when he interrupted me, walking into my house and slamming the door behind him. As soon as it shut he pulled me into his arms, slamming me against the doors surface. Angrily, he slammed his mouth against mine, claiming my lips in a desperate kiss.

Momentarily distracted from my prior unease, I kissed him back just as roughly, my knees weak at his sexy assault. When he finally pulled away, leaving me with swollen lips and short breath, I finally remembered his strange disposition. I took a few calming breaths, attempting to slow my rapid heartbeat, while I tried to piece together my thoughts.

"What's going on?" I breathed, my voice raspy and deep. He gave me a smirk, seemingly normal and teasing. But I could tell it was forced, the slight tightness in his eyes and mouth giving him away.

"What, I can't desperately want my boyfriend?" He asked teasingly, pointedly grabbing at my butt. "Are you saying you didn't like it?" He asked deeply, nipping at my earlobe. I choked back a moan and shook my head.

"No, I definately liked it." I said slowly. He lowered his mouth to my neck talking between kisses.

"Then why do you have to question it?" He raised his head, staring into my eyes with a slightly uneasy edge. "I want you." He said quietly, his eyes darting away from mine. I knew he was hiding something, sensing a strange emotion cross his face, similar to guilt. But I decide to leave it alone for now, sighing deeply and taking his hand.

"It's ok, I believe you." I said soothingly, pecking his nose lightly in a soft kiss. I could see him deflate a little, sighing almost unnoticeably in relief. "Come on," I said lightly, forcing my tone to be cheery and unsuspecting. "Let's go watch a movie." I tugged his hand and lead him to the living room, leaving alone the strangeness emitting from my boyfriend.

At least for now.

I didn't know what was going on...

But I was going to find out.

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***BILLYS POV***

I smiled as I walked up the path to Danes beat-up appartment, Lady Gaga blasting out of my headphones. I sang along quietly, bobbing my head to the rhythm. A large gray t-shirt was clasped in my hands, freshly washed and the detergent pleasantly hit my nose, making me smile as I pictured his face when he handed me the t-shirt to borrow.

Dane.

His handsome face made me smile even wider as I walked up to his door, knocking quietly on the wood panelling. A sense of happiness ran through me as he swung open the door, his large frame easily filling the narrow doorway.

"Hey." I said sweetly, smiling brightly in his direction. He didn't answer back, instead staring at me blankly with a cold look in his eye. Confusion flooded my system along with worry, sensing his negative reception. "Um... I brought the shirt you let me borrow, freshly washed." I stuttered, holding the shirt out towards him. "Though it looks better on you though." I grinned, my smile quickly fading when he still didn't respond, his face remaining stony.

Panic bubbled up in me, my voice becoming rushed and more worried.

"Dane is something the matter?" I questioned softly, reaching to stroke his arm, flinching when he yanked it back from my touch like I was a disease. When he still stayed painfully silent I tried a different approach, the panic burning higher in my system. "So do you want to go to a movie this afternoon then? I heard there was this one playing that has-"

"No." He said coldly, his voice not making the situation better. The panic swelled even harder, my heart beating fast. I swallowed harshly before stepping back in shock.

"What?" I said meekly, the despair cracking my voice. "I don't understand... I thought-"

"God you're stupid." He chuckled darkly, crossing his arms stiffly. The sound was like ice, viciously spearing at my ears. "I'm not a fag." He spat hatefully, his voice staying at an infuriatingly calm decible. "I just fucked you because I was horny and you were easy." I searched his face deeply, looking for any glimmer of lies in his callous words. But when my search came up empty tears filled my eyes, spilling over in huge torrents. His face remained cold, making me cry harder.

"How could you?" I whispered, the pain evident in every aspect of my appearance. I thought for a moment he was going to soften, either imagination or hope making me delusional. But he stayed cold, his careless, indifferent expression stabbing into my stomach.

"You can keep the shirt." He stated, gesturing to the fabric in my hands. "But never fucking come near me again." He then slammed the door in my face, leaving me with the empty vision of a closed door. I sank to my knees, leaning against the door and trying to cover my cries, the body wracking sobs bursting loudly from my chest.

Left to cry over something I was naive enough to believe was my own.

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***DANES POV***

I could hear him crying outside my door, his heart wrenching sobs easily audible even through the thick wood.

"Fuck!" I cursed, punching a hole in the plaster as I tried to ignore the pain stabbing through my body. "You were using him, that's it." I told to myself, repeating the words continually. "You are not a fag." I convinced weakly, the pain not subsiding. "You can't be." I spoke unconvincingly, even to my own ears. I despairingly fell to the ground, clenching my fists harshly. The sobbing from outside my door had ceased, telling me one thing...

Billy was gone.

The anger spurred in me without warning, making me punch the ground. The fact that he was gone, apart from me, made me inexplicably angry, the longing to see him over powering.

'But it doesn't matter.' I thought to myself, pushing myself up off the ground. 'It doesn't matter what you want.' My mind kept pushing, making me growl in annoyance. I checked the clock, cursing audibly as I noticed the time. It was seven fifteen...

I was late for work.

Shoving back all feeling I got up, walking robotically to my bedroom. I lifted up the plain white mattress and grabbed my gun, its silver surface glinting evilly. I stared thoughtfully at the weapon, despair occupying my brain.

"This is why." I whispered to myself, running my finger along the guns cold surface. My fathers words flashed in my mind, making anger and sadness well up inside me. "The world is a horrible place and those who become soft, die." I whispered to myself in reminding. A single tear attempted to roll down my cheek but I swatted it away before it could fall, pushing away my fathers image with it.

I roughly shoved my gun in the back of my belt, grabbing my leather jacket on to cover it and mussing my hair. With a deep breath I walked to the front door, slamming it closed and locking it before making my way to my truck.

'It doesn't matter what I want.' I thought darkly, the prescence if the gun easy to feel as it pressed threateningly into my back. 'My choices prevent what I want from being plausible.' Numbly I got into my car, starting the engine and starting to drive toward my own personal hell.

'I can't have Billy, because he is my weakness.' I thought bitterly, the words like needles stabbing into my heart.

I have to leave him alone to keep him safe.

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