Love Will Lead You Back

Chapter One "my life sucks"

Entry #24

There are times, im asking myself. Can i be like that? Or can i really do this? My life is, too plain.

Normal living should i say, Living with my sister. And trying all my best to be the 'good daugther' my parents expect me to be.

I always ask myself, how can i make my self and family proud? I'm not like the others. Im just me. Nothing special. Im not smart, i always feel down to myself, too shy to interact with others, and they see me as a person who you can't easily be friend with, im hard to read and sometimes a weirdo. Before. I dont mind what i am. But when i reach puberty... things has already change. What can i say? Nothing is in constant and nothing last.

My life is too boring. And too plain. And so that's how my suck up life goes.

"Hey sis! Let's go! Baka ma late pa tayo sa first class natin!"brodeth said hurrying me up while im righting my new entry in my diary. Ang tagal nya kasi magbihis kanina pa and i always get bored waiting for her so i started righting.

Ngayon ang first day of class namin sa massouvuri academy.

Hindi sana ako mababothered ng ganito if only alam ko na and matagal nakong nag aaral don. But no. After beeing a completer in junior high school and starting my new life again by interacting to all things new for me. Kung hindi lang sana kami lumipat ng bahay at dito tumira. Hindi rin sana ako mapipilitang magaral dito sa massouvuri. This is the most expensive school i've ever entered. I used to study in public school and that is my 'comfortable zone' , but now. Things change. Mag aaral nako sa private school. And im scared as hell.

Hindi kami mayaman. My mom is illiterate. My dad is an mechanical engineer graduate but working as an general manager on a shipment company in cebu.. My mom is nice and serious but there are times she's getting weird like for example, pag may hindi sya ma gets and ang bad ng dating sa kanya pero actually hindi naman. Mag fefreak out na sya..

my dad is super awesome. He's kind, and he's smart. Like he can do and think very well .. he's good at every work he's doing and ang galing nya lang makipag negotiate. He's my professor. And an  adviser, he always tells me what i need to do and always be the best that i can be, but as well as my mother , he's not perfect i admit. Sometimes he always decide wrong about beeing what a father has to be. Like me studying at massouvuri . We can't afford that, mom dissaprove like me. But he still insist saying he only wants what good for us.

My sister is as smart as him. She's a valedectorian, and she's confident in her self. While me, Im insecure and im not contented on what i have.  she's smart and Im just me. They say i'm pretty and she's not, cause she looks like a nerd with her thick eye glasses, weird type of clothes . But she's smart. She always knows it all. While me, i can't even count in my hand how many times i've been humilated because i can't answer right the damn question. We always compared to each other. My parents are so proud of her. While me? Damn. I have nothing to be proud of. I'm insecure not because of my physical appearance but because i'm not smart like my father. My father is an achiever, my sister too. And me? Nothing. Hell, mas gugustuhin ko pang maging matalino kahit walang ganda. Because kahit ganun. May maipagmamalaki ka. And yung ganda? Lilipas din yan. But beeing smart, there are many things you can do with your knowledge.

I have friends. But beeing a way from where we've been and move up here. Things already change. Like my suck up life, i thought my magiging worst pa sa pagiging pity , i pity myself. Now. I'm too pathetic.

"Sis naman! Ayan ka na naman sa nakalukot mong mukha! I know you.. feeling down ka na naman ba dahil di mo na makikita si Andrei?! Naku don't worry makakahanap kadin ng iba! And wag kana malungkot okay? I'm always here for you twin sis, and i can assure you. Makakahanap kadin..."sabi nya sakin at ngumiti ng matamis. Ganyan sya. She never failed to boost my cinfidence up and she's always happy. Na mas lalo lang nakakapag insecure sakin. Shit. What's wrong in me?