Find The Beauty Within

It's Really Over

  "the eye should learn to listen before it looks." -Robert Frank

Dinah pov

it's been 2 months since I last sent that text. she never fought for me and I understand . I wouldn't have done it either because I have way too much problems and I'm causing her too much stress . that day still hurt me. unbeknownst to normani , I was there at the mall with Lauren and Camila . we watched as normani walked up to this beautifully tanned woman playing with her child. my heart broke watching normani smile at the woman . that's how she smiled when she was with me . she didn't even pay any attention that we were close . she was too focused on the woman and the child. I pushed her away because of my insecurities and she stopped fighting when she finally realized I wasn't worth it .

before normani could finish talking with zendaya , I walked away suddenly losing my appetite. Camila drove us home and the car was silent. all you could hear was our breathing. I went straight to my room and got on my phone, which I had left because I was charging it. I hover over Normani's contact before taking a deep breath and pressing it. I wrote the words 'I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore.' i wasn't surprised when she didn't reply. she had a new woman that's bound to be in her life. I can't stop normani from being happy. the worst of me saw that zendaya can make her smile and how normani was smiling so big. that's something I wasn't able to do for normani. I couldn't make her happy like she deserved. all I did was hurt her.

I wish I wasn't like this but everything happens for a reason. reasons we can't stop and try to fix. if I was destined to be with normani, then God will show me . if I'm not, then I'm not. I'll just be that woman that I was before meeting normani. we had pretty great memories before I let my insecurities take over. she had treated me with respect and didn't rush anything. I miss that I won't be having her around anymore . life has to go on unfortunately. my days have been spent in this house. I was afraid of leaving and seeing her and the woman there at the places I used to go with normani. I can't deal with more heartbreak.

"Dinah, get up!" Lauren screaming, opening my blinds .

"you can't make me leave Lauren. I refuse to leave this house."

"I don't give a crap if you don't want to. you have to. we're not letting you sulk any longer. it's been 2 months Dinah. 2 freaking months of you staying here without leaving. you have so much eye bags and I need you to stop being like this. you pushed her away so you can't be the one that's miserable. she wanted to love you when you couldn't even love your own self. she was willingly to take things slow with you but you got scared. so get out of the bed and get ready. we're taking you out to eat then we'll be staying at the beach for awhile before heading back home."

she left slamming my door. I ripped the blanket off and got up. my feet touch the hard cold ground. Thinkin Bout You by Frank Ocean started blasting through my speakers once I got on the radio. I stripped my clothes off and got in the hot, running shower. I did all of my thinking in here. before I knew it, I got out after an hour or so. when I think, I lose track of time and just stand there with the water running down my back as I wrap my arms around myself. I haven't cried since that day I lost normani. I know I shouldn't but what's the point in crying if I knew this wasn't meant to be.

I look at myself in the foggy mirror and I didn't know the woman on the other side because she was someone unfamiliar . I lost myself and I couldn't find her until normani showed up. now I just see this unfamiliar face. I got dressed in something 'nice'. let's just hope that this doesn't end in a disaster . I'm not in the mood for things to go haywire. I head downstairs after getting dressed to find Lauren and Camila pacing around. they looked at me and stopped. I raised an eyebrow but they broke into smiles.