Please Don't Go

Chapter Six

 “Morning!” Jasper said cheerfully as I hopped into his truck that morning, I groaned.

“It's too early to talk with so much energy…”

“I had coffee.”

“Did you get me any?”

“Course I did, it's in your cup holder.”

“How did you make it?”

“With more creamer and sugar than coffee.” He answered, I smiled a tiny bit and took a sip, Jasper knew how I liked my coffee. He made coffee for me better than I made coffee for myself. “Dance is coming up soon.” He commented, I shrugged.

“Dresses and heels. Gross.”

“I thought you would be into going.”

“Why would I when I could stay home and watch White Chicks again?”

“You-you really don't want to go?” He asked, seeming kind of deflated.

“I would go maybe, if I had someone to go with.”

“Oh, well I -” someone honked their horn at Jasper as he was pulling into the school parking lot. He stiffened, Jasper was wearing his red hoodie already, which meant he was already more likely to start a fight. He wore that when he wanted to fight.

“Jasper, what were you about to-”

“What the hell are you doing?! That's my spot, idiot!” The guy driving behind us yelled. I cringed, he had no idea what he just started. Jasper jumped out of his car.

“So I'm the idiot…” Jasper grumbled. The guy got out of his car as well, he looked a little nervous. Jasper didn't seem nervous at all, he looked ready to fight. I groaned, there were other people wanting to park that were behind us. I hopped out of the car.

“I'm going to park the car, don't die.”

“Why would I?” Jasper asked

I smirked, “I was talking to the guy you're about to fight.”

I sat in first period Geometry. I didn't have classes with Jasper until third period film analysis. I sighed, I wonder how the fight went… Jasper didn't loose fights often. He got into them too often, he was too experienced not to be a good fighter.

“Em!” My teacher yelled, I jumped.

“Yes ma'am?”

“You were daydreaming, again. Why don't you demonstrate us problem number seven, you must have that done, since you were just sitting there doing nothing. “

We were on number seven?!  I gulped, but nodded. My whole body felt cold suddenly, I hid my hands, which were shaking in my pockets. I walked up to the board, I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I hated doing things while a bunch of people were watching. Especially math, I was always terrified that I would mess up the problem in front of everyone. I looked at the teacher's book to write down the problem. I stared at the problem on the board, breathing was beginning to have to take effort. Calm down, not now, don't panic now, you're okay, you're fine you… I don't even know what this problem is! Okay, mindfulness. Practice that.

I took a deep breath, i looked for four different things around me.

White board… writing… cheesy encouraging poster with a cat on it… markers…

“ Today, please, Em!” My teacher snapped. Whatever calm I had retained left. I quickly tried to come up with a way to solve the problem, anything. I had no idea what I was writing, I knew it wasn't right. I just needed to get back to my seat as soon as possible. I quickly scribbled a BS answer and walked quickly back to my seat. “I don't know what  this is Emmalyn.” My teacher said, disappointedly. I gulped, my vision was becoming slightly blurred, I could feel my body tense up as a defense against the twitching. A defense that would save me five minutes, if even.

“M-ma’am, can I go to the restroom, p-please?” I choked out, my mouth felt so dry…

“You can wait ten minutes Emmalyn.”

“N-no, it's an emergency. Please.”

She sighed.

“Be back in five, and no more!”

I nodded quickly, I walked out as quickly as possible, I almost fell walking out, I twitched, I ran to a corridor without any open doors. I sank to the floor, my body was spasming.

Not again, not again. Stopstopstop. My vision blurred over, my face felt wet, am I crying? Fuck fuck fuck, I hate this. Stop it goddammit! My body twitched again, I almost fell to the floor. I heard choked sobbing noises. A door in front of me opened, I quickly hid my face in my knees, my body shook and spasmed worse.

What are you going to do when you graduate and this happens Emmalyn?! No one will hire a freak who can't even handle working in front of people, get over yourself, you shouldn't be panicking. You're pathetic. No wonder no one here likes you, I bet Jasper doesn't even like you, he probably just pities you.

“Em?” I heard a familiar voice say, I felt a slight pressure on my shoulder. I looked up, I saw a blurred figure, a blurred figure with black hair and brown eyes. “Are you okay?” The figure asked, I wiped my eyes, it was Jasper. I sniffled, he was frowning, I must look bad. Even though he had seen me like this before that doesn't mean that it didn't make me more stressed to have him see me like this.

He's just playing you, idiot. He doesn't care. He thinks you're a freak just like everyone else does when you do this. Even if he does care if you keep this shit up he won't care for long. No one likes an attention whore Emmalyn.

I twitched again, Jasper held my shoulders.

“Em, look at me, what happened?”

“N-n-nothing, you'll think it's st-stupi-” I twitched again. I almost kicked Jasper, I pulled him to me, he wrapped his arms around me, I hugged him tight, Jasper hugged me back.

“Relax Em, I'm right here… breathe.” I buried my face in his shoulder.

Don't get used to this, he won't care about you much longer, he'll get annoyed, why stick around someone as needy as you? I twitched again.

“I'm s-sorry… I do this, all the time. It's not f-fair…”

“It's fine, don't worry about it.”

“But I always do this!”

“And I'm always going to be here when you do.”

“No you w-won’t you'll get sick of it.”

“I could never get sick of you.”

“But-”

“No buts. Hey, you stopped crying!” He said, smiling happily. I smiled a little too, I sniffled and nodded. I hid my face in his shoulder again. “You're alright love. I'm right here.”

He is for now.