Still Alive

Chapter 15

Sam Smith~ Nirvana

_Alexandra

I kept thinking about the marking thing Ashton told me about. I wanted to, because I would become one with him. Our bond would grow stronger, but then again, I'd have to bang him.

Was I ready for that? I mean ... yes and no. I was totally excited about it, but then again, I was so terrified of the idea. I'd become like Melanie. Then we would be having kids. I didn't know what to do.

I was gonna have to talk to Ashton about it. Maybe he'd be supportive in what ever I decided. I mean, wouldn't he? He was my mate.

I was over thinking. That was my talent. Overthinking until I'm six feet in the ground. Buried under all my thoughts. This was really hell. I hated my insecurities.

"Alex!" I heard Ashton yell from his balcony. I sighed standing from my desk chair. I walked over swinging both of the doors open. Ashton sat on his desk chair.

"What?" I scowled at him. He smiled standing from his chair.

"Can you help me with this problem?" He asked. I sighed climbing over the railing. I walked into his room.

"Yes. Yes I can. What is it?" I followed him over to his desk. There was nothing there. His desk was cleared off.

"Take a seat." He motioned to the desk. I cautiously hopped on and sat there. Ashton rolled his chair over and took a seat in between my legs.

"I didn't really need help. I just missed you." He smiled up at me. His lifted his chair higher so that we were only inches apart.

"Ashton!" I blushed. "I have homework."

"It's okay! Just a couple of minutes." He smiled. I huffed looking away from him. Ashton pulled me off of the table so I was seated in his lap. I gasped placing my hands on his shoulders.

He chuckled placing his hands on my hips. I sat myself comfortably before resting my head on his shoulder. My arms wrapped around his torso.

His body was keeping me warm. I hadn't even realized that I was cold, not until now. I loved being the close to him. He meant the world to me. And it's only been a while.

"You're so warm." I mumbled into his chest. His chest vibrated as he chuckled. I smiled feeling his lips press to my forehead.

"You're freezing." He sighed. I nodded my head closing my eyes. I lifted my head not wanting to fall asleep in his arms. That would be embarrassing.

What if I drooled on his shirt? Or snored loudly? What if I talked in my sleep and spilt my deepest darkest secrets?

That would be bad. Really bad. I didn't want him knowing. Ever. It's not some thing I was willing to talk about.

"Why'd you sit up?" Ashton frowned.

"I didn't want to fall asleep on you."
I shrugged.

"Why?" He was hurt by my words, I could feel it. Literally.

"Not in a bad way. I didn't wanna drool on you. Or snore. What if I got too heavy? I mean ... aren't I heavy for you?" I rolled my eyes.

"Jesus! Are you fucking serious?!" He roared in anger. His eyes were turning black. I stood up walking toward his balcony.

"Why in the fucking world would you think that?" He scoffed.