Bullied (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 37

Lucy's POV

"Hello Lucy. I'm Mr. Ronald, but you can call me Robert. I'm your psychologiest. How are you feeling?" The psychologiest is about 40 years old and he seems okay. I don't know if I will like him as much as I liked my old psychologiest at home. I sit down on the opposite of him and he looks at me with an neutral expression. That's the thing I don't like on psychologiests, they always seem to know everything when they look into your eyes even though I know they just want to help you.

"I'm..." I always want to say "good" or "fine" but I know what Maria told me. I have to be honest here.

"Well I'm okay.." I'm not feeling really good but not really bad either. Robert nods and wrinkels his forehead.

"You know you have to be completely honest here? We just can help you then." I nod.

"Yes I know this." I answer honestly.

"So you want to tell me that you're okay when you attempted suicide one week ago?" My eyes widen. I didn't know that he knows that so exactly. Also I didn't think he would say that so directly. My mind wanders back to the things I so hardly try to forget.

"Uhm... I-I don't know.." I don't really know what to say. I'm really feeling better since Harry and I are alright again and since I'm ready to let myself help.

"Please tell me how you came to that point where you thought suicide would be the best way after all!?"

I tell Robert about my family problems, the bullying and the times I've started to hurt myself.

"What do you feel when you're about to hurt myself?" I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't know... I always hate myself then and I blame myself for everything. With the cutting I can kill the pain inside while I hurt myself from the outside... I just have to do that. Oh but I didn't cut since the day I wanted to kill myself..." Robert nods.

"Did you ever think that something else could replace the cutting? Like you could do sport?" I nod.

"Yeah.. my other psychologiest at home gave me some tips and I really stopped hurting myself for a few months but I have the feeling I can't just stop cutting... it's like an addiction." I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath. It's so strange to talk about that all but I know that he understands me. I just want to forget that all but I can't.

"What about your friends?" I hate this question. I really do.

"Well I don't really have friends.. I just have my parents and Harry, my boyfriend. They are here for me." I say.

"Do you have an explanation why you don't really have friends?" Oh god. If I had I already would have changed something.

"I don't know... I have the feeling that I'm never good enough. Other people are smarter, thinner and prettier than me." That's the only explanation I have.

"Do you have an eating problem?" Robert asks. I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't know... Sometimes I try to eat very little to lose some weight but then I just have to eat and I eat way too much and I tried a few times to throw up but it didn't work." Not even Harry knows this but if I want to be healthy again I have to tell every single detail I guess.

"Do you think you're fat?" I shrug my shoulders.

"I know that my BMI is normal but I don't really like my body. There are times I look into the mirror and I really hate what I see. So yeah I would love to be thinner." I answer honestly.

"I think that are the most important things to work for. You have to accept yourself again. You have to learn that you're good enough the way you are and I know this will be long way but you have to believe in yourself. It's possible. We also have to find a way to avoid the cutting. You don't even should think about such a way to deal with problems." Yeah I know. I know he is right but it's so hard. So hard to work on myself. So hard to like myself.

-

Harry's POV

My phone buzzes. Finally!

"Lucy?" I'm so happy to hear her voice. I miss her.

"Harry? I had my first lesson with the psychologiest today." She says.

"How was it? You also had school, right?"

"Yes. School was okay. Some girls are really nice, the teachers are like the usual ones and well yeah the lesson with Robert was... good I think." Robert?

"Who's Robert?" It's just a name but I'm already jealous. A lesson with Robert. What does that sound like.

"Oh Robert is my psychologiest... and he's about 40 by the way.." She chuckles. That's embarassing. I was actually jealous about her psychologiest who is way older than me.

"Okay.. so tell me about it." I don't want that she thinks I was jealous but she knows me way too well.

"Okay.. well we just talked about everything.. The way I feel, the cutting, the.."

"Wait. You didn't cut... did you?" I interrupt her. It scares me to know I can't see her and control her wrists right now.

"No no. I didn't." I let out a deep breath.

"Okay.. uhm sorry. Just contuine." I shouldn't control her that much. I know she's in a good hand there.

"Uhmm.. where was I? Oh well the eating.. the problems with other people, the bullying, my body.. you know just like the usual things for a first lesson." I nod my head even though she can't see me.

"That sounds good.. what will happen next then?"

"I don't know exactly.. he said that we have to work on a lot of things.. We talked so much. I didn't think that one hour is that short." I chuckle.

"Well it really sounds good. I'm sure he can help you. How are you today?" I now know that she's way more honest than a few months ago where she just wanted to make everyone happy while telling everyone that she's fine when she clearly wasn't.

"I'm okay." She says. "I really am." She contuines.

"You sure?" I know she wouldn't lie to me but she sounds tired.

"Yeah I'm just tired and exhausted. It was a hard day and I will go to bed now. Oh Maria told me that my room mate will arrive tomorrow. I hope she will be nice."

"You won't be alone then. Oh and she has to be nice. If she isn't I will come and..."

"Harry." She interrupts me and starts to laugh. "You have to be nice." She contuines.

"I know I know... so it's better you go bed now and get some sleep." I know she nods right now even if I can't see her.

"Good night Harry."

"Night Lucy. I love you."

I hang up the phone and tears are filling my eyes. I can't live without her. I'm once more happy that I've saved her. I've found her. She's still alive because of me. She's not allowed leave me. Never.

(Whooop guys I have a question! Is someone good in making videos and putting them on Youtube? Is someone interested to do a trailer for Bullied? If you are just text me please. I would mention you and give you a big shoutout of course ha. No just kidding but it would be really cool :)

Oh and don't forget to vote please - next chapter will be up soon. x)