Playing With Fire (EDITING)

Time Doesn't Heal

As I walked, I fell into a backflash:

I was running through the tall grass in the field beside our house and kept glancing over my shoulder. Ma had told me to run so I was running- I was running as fast as I could. We'd prepared for several worst case scenarios but never something like this. We couldn't fight back, we couldn't hide, we could barely run.

My arms and legs pumped wildly as I ran, just ran, letting the tall grass whip against my face. Ma's voice carried over the field to me and I skidded to a halt. To my right, Ma was frantically calling me to her. I began to run again but I tripped over my own feet and was sent sprawling in the dirt. Breathing was becoming difficult and smoke curled through the air.

I couldn't get up.

My legs wouldn't respond. Could only lay in the grass, hidden from my mother's view, and listen to her scream my name. "Lyrica!! Lyrica!!" She was desperate and I wanted so badly to get up again but I couldn't. Something held me back.

Terror gripped my thoughts in an iron fist and soon even thinking straight became difficult. I could feel the heat of the uncontrollable forest fire spreading toward me and stinging my skin. The smoke grew thicker and soon the flames were visible above my head.

I wanted to shout for help but my voice wasn't working. I wanted to run but I was frozen with fear. I wanted so many things at that moment but none would happen.

Just when I was convinced that this was the end, I felt myself lifted off the ground. The tall grass sped away beneath me as I was carried further from the flames. I closed my eyes until motion had stopped and I felt my feet solidly on the ground again.

When I opened my eyes, a strange man was bending over me. He looked vaguely familiar but I'd never met him before. "Are you alright?" He asked me.

I nodded. "Where's Ma?" I squeaked.

The man put one knee in the ground to come closer to my level. "She's fine. Your ma is fine. I'm going to keep you safe ok? Will you come with me?"

"Who are you?" I asked him, trying to back away.

"I'm a friend of your grandfather's. Will you come with me?"

I nodded and he picked me up again. I wrapped my short arms around his neck and he carried me for a long while before we arrived at a large colorful tent where no smoke or fire could be seen. I had never been here before and everything was strange.

A woman with lots of necklaces passed us and pinched my face. She said something to the man and twirled my fiery red hair around a bejeweled finger before he answered and she kept walking. He carried me into the big tent and set me down outside a door.

"This is my room. There's someone here I want you to meet. He's a friend of your grandfather's as well. He wants to meet you, is that alright?"

I nodded again and the man led me into the room. Someone sat behind a large wooden desk I was barely tall enough to see over. The man who had taken me away from the fire lifted me up and set me on the desk so I could see everything in the room. Pictures of lions and tigers covered the walls and one of a woman dressed in bright red with her face painted like a butterfly sat on the desk. A long black whip sat curled in the corner.

The man behind the desk stood and I got a full look at his face. A long white scar like Da's curled down his cheek and ended at his mouth, creating a gruesome permanent snarl. I shrank away from him but the first man held me on the desk.

They talked quickly and as they did, I learned their names. The man with the scar was Anton and the man who had carried me from the fire was Uri. When they had finished, Anton lifted me off the desk and set me on his hip. He nodded to Uri and left the tent with me, taking me to a smaller tent dyed in blue. A sign outside read 'Danger: Live Animals'.

Three cages sat inside the tent each containing an animal scarier than the last. The first held a white and black tiger sound asleep on its side. The second held a fully grown male lion that roared and bared its fangs when it saw me. I let out a squeak and hid behind Anton's legs.

He chuckled and pulled me forward to see the last animal. At first, it could have passed for a long rope, but then it began moving. Soon, a fifteen foot snake had risen to stare at me eye to eye. I trembled visibly and my teeth began to chatter.

Anton laughed and picked me up again, taking me to an orange tent filled with voices and raucous laughter. Men with tankards of foaming drink filled benches that faced each other and swapped outlandish stories of false bravery.

I was carried to one of these tables and passed off to a woman in a yellow dress who said her name was Jasmine. I recognized her as the woman in the red dress and butterfly paint. She must be Uri's wife, I thought.

When we left the tent, she took me to a kitchen of sorts and fed me some bread and almonds before carrying me away again.

When she tucked me into bed that night, singing a French gypsy lullaby, little did I know that this circus would be my life for the next three or four years. When my wings were discovered, I was added to the freakshow on the side and forced to sit in a cage while people gawked at my wings. I would kick and weep for them to let me out, to make the torture end; but they never did. I was forced to be a spectacle while others made fun of me and called me all forms of terrible names in several different languages.

At first, the people of the circus were friendly and willing to care for me, but after a year, I became simply another part of the show. They were no kinder than the man who had given me the wings. No kinder than the flames that had consumed my home.

And when I'd thrown a fit trying to stop them locking me up again, they'd punished me in a way I would never forget. I was forced to stand beside the snake cage and watch as the snake slithered back and forth, waiting for me to be thrown in as its next meal. When I tried to run away, I would be dragged back and forced to stand there again even longer.

As I grew older, the snake punishment was no longer effective even though I would be afraid of snakes for the rest of my life. I had found a way to thwart their ideas; when forced to stand beside the snake cage, I would hum the gypsy lullaby to it and it would curl up with its horrible diamond head hidden in its coils. When they realized this wouldn't do, I was introduced to the whip.

And so the torture continued until I'd become a hardened prisoner, familiar with pain and aware of the fact that I was unwanted except for the freakshow.

When I snapped back to the present, I had no clue where I was. I was still aboard the Helicarrier, that was obvious but where in the Helicarrier was the question. No one I recognized was around and the only living things to be seen were a small white mouse and a buzzing fly.

I sighed and began wandering again, creating a mental map of the ship as I did so. Eventually, I found myself on the top deck where I could easily navigate my way to the bunk room. The sky was grey and dreary and the humid air was thick and oppressive. I took shelter in the bunk room at the first opportunity and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

My dreams that night were filled with nightmares of every kind imaginable that still haunted me when I woke up the next morning.