Playing With Fire (EDITING)

Punishment and Reward

The door to Fury's office slid closed behind me and I immediately received a blow that sent me reeling. The left side of my face stung as I lost my balance and leaned on the wall behind me for support. When I stood again, I heard the swish of fabric as another blow was aimed at me. Before it could land on its target, I blocked and slid down the wall before rolling away.

Fury grabbed me by the collar of my jacket and hauled me to my feet, pinning me against the wall. "I'm not here to play games, Barton," he growled. "If it were my choice, you would never step foot on this ship again, but my vote has been over ridden." He released me and crossed the room to his desk.

"Vote?" I echoed.

He stood behind his desk and splayed his fingers across the surface to support himself as he leaned forward. "The team would like to add you as a member, but as director I have overridden them thus far. Recently, my predecessor Director Lee has recognized the position of my team as ranking high enough that the amount of their votes overrides my power."

"Are you saying-"

He cut me off by sliding an ID card across the desk toward me. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

When I reached for the card, I froze and caught his eye. "What's the catch?"

He smirked and chuckled. "You'll be a registered member of SHIELD which means you'll be required to turn your back on prior affiliations." He paused to let that sink in. "Including Xavier. And your father."

Disgusted, I tossed the card back to the desk and stepped away. "Forget it then. I won't leave my friends and I sure as heck won't turn in my family for SHIELD's warped justice," I snapped.

"Then you may go," he stated, taking the card back and sitting behind his desk.

I turned on my heel and left the room in a stony rage. How dare he ask me to turn in my father?! And then he'd want Grandpére too. Never. He couldn't have them. And I wouldn't leave my friends for any offer Fury put on the table.

I was so consumed in thought that I stormed right past Banner without even seeing him until he grabbed my arm. "Everything alright?" he asked.

"Never better," I quipped.

"You didn't take it did you," he said as if he already knew.

I planted my feet and spun to face him. "Of course not! I wasn't going to betray everyone else for him!"

"What about for the rest of us?" he asked, dark eyes boring into my center. "Clint was the one who told Director Lee about you and had Fury's vote overturned."

I clenched my jaw before replying. "Maybe some day but not today."

He nodded in understanding and released my arm. After wandering the Helicarrier for as long as it took to let myself calm down, I headed to the training center and beat up a couple dummies before finding some food in the kitchen and returning to the room.

By now it was early-mid-afternoon and I was exhausted again. I sank to the floor and curled into a ball under the blankets and succumbed to sleep. When I felt a stab in the ribs, I gasped and jerked upright. "What the-" My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I saw Kurt on the floor beside me. "The heck, Kurt?" I moaned, rubbing my ribs.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I didn't know you were there. You're alright?"

"Ticked but alright," I muttered, laying down again.

"Ginger," he mumbled.

"Believe it," I sassed in return.

The others found their way to the nest of blankets in a much quieter fashion without tripping over me. Soon, I could hear Megan's breathing settle into a steady rhythm that offset Kurt's soft snores. Doug was the last to enter the room, closing the door quietly behind him and crossing carefully to his spot beside me.

Even in the dark, I could tell he was worn out. The outline of his shoulders was slumped and weary; his head was bowed slightly and his arms were limp. When he rested his head on his pillow with a small groan, I rolled to face him. "What's wrong?" I asked him.

He didn't reply immediately but whispered, "Migraine, that's all."

"Some sleep will help," I told him.

"I can't."

"Nightmares?" I guessed.

I felt him tense beside me but he nodded. "Yeah. Living through that week once is more than enough. I don't ever want to have to do it again but every time I close my eyes, there's the cell."

"Just try," I insisted.

"I can't, Lyrica."

"Please." He didn't reply, so I added, "Try thinking about something pleasant before you fall asleep, like the night at the park or the afternoon on the roof."

He was silent for long enough that I wondered if I would receive an answer at all before he replied, "I'll try. But I don't know if it will work."

"It works for me," I whispered.

I saw him nod and took that as my cue to roll back over to face away from him. Despite my long nap earlier, I was still tired and began to drift off. When I heard my name, I snapped back to wakefulness. "Yeah?" I answered.

Behind me, I felt Doug roll to address the back of my head. "Do you mind if-"

"Not at all," I replied. "I know how it feels to need someone, so go ahead. It helps me too, to be honest."

I could picture his shy sort of unsure smile before feeling his arm rest on my waist again. He scooted close and I could feel his breath playing with the hairs on top of my head that had come loose of my French braid. It was relaxing to have someone I trusted so close. He might have been the one that admitted to needing someone, but I realized that I needed his shoulder to lean on as much as he needed mine.

When morning broke the next day, I felt terrible. My ribs were bruised, my hands were sore, my back was stiff, and I hadn't gotten much sleep. I'd been so plagued by nightmares of every possible time that had ever hurt me in my life until I'd finally come to my first kill. I'd woken up twitching as if I were going through the motions as the scene played out.

Unlike the other mornings, I was last awake this time. Kitty and Kurt had disappeared but Megan was messing with something in her hands and Doug was sitting beside me with a concerned look. "Alright?" he asked.

"Fine," I answered.

"No, you're not." When I heard him say that, I met his eyes and knew he was right. Of course he'd be right.

"So I'm not fine. Big whoop." He didn't deserve my curt replies but I felt so haunted I couldn't answer any other way.

"Who's Daniel? And Uri?" he asked.

I felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water down my back. "No one," I mumbled, feeling on the verge of a complete breakdown.

I could tell he was getting rubbed the wrong way. Doug was patient and slowly angered but with the lack of sleep, his fuse was burning a lot faster. "They're clearly not just 'no one' when they both end up dead for mysterious reasons."

So he wasn't going to drop it. "Uri's death wasn't all that mysterious. He deserved what he got and much worse," I snapped.

By now, Megan had taken the hint and left, muttering about finding the others. He narrowed his eyes and took a step toward me. "And what did he ever do to deserve worse than death?"

I met Doug's gaze with a cold, unwavering stare. "If I told you, you'd most likely agree. But then you'd know I was more of a monster than you've seen."

I saw the dawning of recognition light up his face and he set his hands on my shoulders, sliding them down my upper arm and stopping on my elbows. "Is that what you think you are? A monster?"

"No. I'm much worse," I replied, pulling away and rolling my blankets up.