Playing With Fire (EDITING)

I Make Some Decisions

I remember being stiff with cold, but not much else after the funeral. It was a blur. Ma accompanied us back to base in Minnesota, but she stayed with Han, Clint, and Grandpére while I disappeared to my cot. I still felt cold. Lying on my back, I stared at the ceiling and wondered if time was supposed to feel so sluggish. What did Time care for the dead? Time's only job was to keep ticking away the seconds that measured our terribly short lives. 

When it was morning- at least, I assumed it was morning- I had spent enough time grieving. Life did not stop, and it was time for the next baby step. Cleaning up. I stood and let my eyes adjust to the daylight streaming through the windows along the wall. Someone had found clothes and piled them on the cold tiles for me. To keep myself warm, I dressed in the simple red t-shirt, dark jeans, and black sneakers in as much of a rush as my stiff muscles could manage. Finished, I wandered from the room. Only agents in differing SHIELD uniforms passed in the hallways. The X-Men had left. Whether or not Kurt, Doug, Kitty, and Megan had left too, I wasn't sure. They might be congregated in a conference room, arguing outside, or just strolling around, but I had a better idea of where to find them. 

I was right. The kitchen was a nook tucked behind the technical offices and filing rooms. It wasn't spacious, but it was always stocked and equipped with snacks, ingredients, on-the-go meals, and any utensils that might be needed. Megan was perched on the table under the window, Kitty was standing on a chair trying to reach into a cabinet, Kurt was leaning against the counter, and Doug was pacing the opposite side of the room. 

"Hey," I greeted. "I'm sorry I didn't-"

I was interrupted by Kitty slamming me with a tight hug. "Shut up. We understand. And we're happy you came to find us."

"Yeah, but I shouldn't have just locked myself away like that."

"It's okay," Megan assured me. Her wings shimmered and cast little prismatic light shows on the floor. "You needed space, and we wanted to respect that."

By now, Doug had joined us and was nodding in agreement with Megan. Kurt hadn't moved. He'd returned to his curly-haired, not-blue self, and I found it more difficult to read his body language without a tail or pointed ears or feline pupils to give him away. "Scared you off, did I?" I teased.

His eyes left the floor and took in my ponytail and clean, unripped clothes. "You look like you're feeling better." 

"A little, yeah. I can't dwell on the past. Papére wanted me to fight for something, and I think I know what I want to fight for." I pulled a chair away from the table and sat backwards on it with my legs straddling the back and my forearms resting with my chin on top. 

"And are you going to tell us? Or just sit there and let us guess until someone gets it right?" Megan said, claiming the chair to my left. 

Half-smiling, I replied, "Well, I don't know if it will work out." 

"Please don't be an Avenger," Kitty pleaded.

I remembered Kurt begging something similar of me when we were in Montana. "Non, I don't want to be an Avenger. But to get what I want, I'll need to cut a deal with Fury, and ask a favor of Xavier."

Now Kurt looked much more interested. "You'll become one of the X-Men?"

Kitty began to bounce up and down, her hands clasped in front of her chest, her eyes wide, her lips forming the word 'please' over and over and over again. I couldn't help but laugh. "Maybe. I don't know. Like I said, I need to talk to Xavier and Fury first."

"What do you know?" Megan asked, her wings giving a sudden flutter.

I know I have a date sometime in the nearish future, I thought. I projected the idea to Kurt and hoped he would understand. From the way he tried hiding his smirk, I knew he had understood. "I know I don't want to be alone anymore. I like being part of a team. Even more than that, I like having friends I can trust."