Kalon / t.j.

fourteen

As the minimal days left with Tyler progress I find myself always with him, and I can gently feel him start to distance himself from me. For some reason Tyler won't tell me his secrets, who he is when the sun goes down. I gently sigh as I try and rub away the oncoming headache I'll soon to have. Tyler is trying to not get attached to me and I can feel it greatly. I have four days left with Tyler and I feel as if I should just let him be, but me being selfish I can't be without him so of course I'm going to hang out with him.

This morning in particular was a different  one, a rough one, I can barely get out of bed to face the world let alone Tyler. My brain keeps raking in the thought of being alone once again, the echo will soon be back throughout my home and my throat will go dry and hoarse because I'll have no words to say to anyone. Words, I always have a word for anything but when you're alone who are you supposed to speak to? Nobody listens anymore. I can't talk to the walls because they're yelling at me, I can't talk to Tyler; he listens to the walls. I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. I sigh as I roll over in the bed trying to find comfort within the sheets, but how can I do that when Its my skin that makes me itch, I claw gently at my arms to try and escape this trapped feeling but nothing seems to work.

"Ruby." A voice breaks through my thoughts as my bedroom door is pushed open. My eyes meet Tyler's.

"Hey" I whisper loud enough for him to hear as I bury myself more into the sheets. This causes Tyler to move towards my bed, suddenly realizing my mood. He then pulls back the covers, instantly goose bumps rise across my skin, before he climbs into the bed besides me.

"I'm here" he whispers to me as he pulls me towards him in a warm embrace. Not for long. I shake the thought from my head as I try and enjoy his presence before it's gone. We laid in silence before my ears starting ringing as if the silence was too much to handle.

"Why are you afraid." I blurt out unexpectedly, Tyler's eyes widen at the sudden outburst I just made. I watch as Tyler's eyebrows furrow at he tries to find words the the question. "Why are you afraid to get close." I sigh as his mouth run dries for no words emerge from his parted lips.

"Tyler, I don't want to be shut out, not by you." I sigh as I keep prying for an answer.

"I don't want to show you the messed up side of me, the side no one has seen except josh. That's not who I am Ruby, I have two faces. That's the side i am when I have panic attacks and anxiety, it's where I hide all of my insecurities. I don't want you to see that side because it might push you away." He sighs, frustration covering him.

"Me, pushed away?" I laugh dryly. "You know damn well you're the best thing that has happened to me since I was adopted." I say exasperated. Tyler hangs his head low as he avoids eye contact.

"Tyler I like you more than you can possibly think. You mean so much to me and it's frustrating when you shut me out, God damnit I'm trying to love you." I say as I inch forwards to his body. I wrap his torso in my arms as I pepper kisses to his head. I run my fingers gently over his shoulder as we sink into a comfortable silence.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles into my shoulder as he recoils his arms around me in a bear hug.

"God I'm going to fucking miss you." I mumble as my mind races at all of the poems I'll have by the time he gets back from tour, all about the boy laying next to me. The way his hair messily cascades his head, his mocha colored eyes and his voice, every word he says sounds like music to my ears and he could be screaming at me but it would still sound like a symphony.

"Can we go to my house? I don't care anymore if my mom sees you, she'll have to accept the fact that you'll be in my life from now on." Tyler says as he starts to climb from the sheets. I nod swiftly at him before pulling my body from the mess of duvets. Tyler stands patiently as I slip on my shoes before we both make our way outside.