If it's not forever...it's not love

What if part 2

Deb's P.O.V

When I wake up, I find that the pain has lessened to an extent. I see blood stained bandage on my head,my arms,and my legs. I make my way –with a little help–towards the chambers of the doctor to get a few checks done before they can release me. On my way,with bigger bandages,smiling and laughing over all that pain. Some of them missed a limb or two. It is hard to look at them. Suddenly,I feel week. I always find hospital very depressing. Given the present scenario, it is even more so. I cannot wait to get out of it and go home. The walk to doctor' chambers is really long and I try not to look around me.
      Inside the doctors' chamber,they carry out some final tests on me,ask me if I am feeling all right,and let me go.

   'Are you alright?' Avantika asks.
It has been an hour since we have been sitting in the car and I have not said anything. I have been looking out of the window and staring blankly at the L.A flyovers, the bustling markets,the busy streets. My head still resonates from the noise of the blast,the howls of the women,the painful cries of the men. I look and think – which place is next? The metro station next to my house,the grocery market,the office Avantika goes to every day? Who will be lying on the bed I was lying on today? It is terrifying. I feel scared and petrified. The horror in the eyes of people who died in front of me comes rushing back to me.
    
    'Deb?' Avantika  asks.
    'Yes,I am fine. It's just hurting a little,' I say.

I do not want to share my fear with her. I know she is scared too. Had i died yesterday, it would not have been me who would have suffered. It would have been her,my parents and my friends. I am scared for Avantika. We enter our flat and suddenly, I do not even want to leave. Neither do I want Avantika to spend a minute out of my sight. I am being paranoid. I understand now why my parents used to call me fifty time every ten minutes after ten in the night to make sure that I am okay. I understand why they always want to make sure that I call them after I reach office. They must have seen a lot of people dying. So,they must be living in constant fear.

  Avantika switches on the television for me before going to the kitchen. She start peeling oranges for me and I switch to the News channel s. I never do that usually,but today is no usual day. A few meters here or there,and I would have been on the news – dead.

  All channels are brimming with just one topic – the blast. There are politicians who condemn the attack,angry people,crying people and the junta venting out their anger on the government. Everyone is blaming other for what happened. No one has come out to take the blame. I switch it off. I cannot watch it. The memories of dead people and cut limbs are too much for me to take. I do not need the real image to add to the haunting mental images. I can do without the torture.

'Deb? Is something wrong?' She asks again. She must have noticed the dead,worried expression on my face.
'How many people died?' I ask her.
'Eighty nine. I told you.'
'I could have been one of them,' I say and she look at me. Immediately,she has tears in her eyes. I know that she has been thinking about this  over the last two days. She comes over to me, looks at me with love in her eyes,and hugs me. I feel wanted.
'Please don't say that,' she whispers.
'Sorry.'
  
I say the word but I am not. I said nothing wrong. I could have been one of them. Had I not forgotten my waliet in the car, I would have been tantalizingly close to the scooter in which the bomb had been placed. And I would have been blown to tiny bits. I had been lucky. I could have been dead or worse still,maimed. I can feel the tiny goose bumps on my hands as Avantika snuggles up to me. I am sure she is thinking the same.
I hold her close and try not to think about any of it. However, it's really difficult not to. I shudder to think what would have happened to her had I died. For all her strength and confidence, she is just a baby. My baby. Had I died....
      Time Passes and she drifts off to sleep in my arms. I wish to wrap my arms around her and never let anything harm her. The world is a cruel place and I have seen that from close now.
   I look at Avantika, who is now sleeping in my arms. I slowly shift her into a more comfortable position and push the strands of her hair away from her radiant face. Somehow, in the last five years that we have been dating, I am yet to pick a single instant when she doesn't look pretty.
    She is breathtakingly beautiful. It's almost surreal. All the things that I used to say to score with my ex-girlfriend had come true when I had met Avantika. She is a dream. Even better; you wouldn't even dream of something so perfect. Plastic surgeons still can't rival God. She is so hard to describe. Those limpid, constantly wet brown eyes scream to be loved. There is nothing better than a melancholic beautiful face. She has eyes of a month old child – big and screaming for attention. A perfectly drafted nose, flawless bright pink lips, and a milky white complexion that can put Photoshop to shame. Oh hell, she is way out of my league. She is a goddamn goddess. The first time I met her, I just couldn't look beyond that way. Usually, it was always the cup- size that mattered.
    I am lucky to be alive, to be in her arms again... to be in love again. I kiss her softly on her cheek and get up.
I call Mum on her phone, I do not remember the last time I called her. These days, the only time I talk to her or dad is when Avantika gives me the phone. Mom and Avantika talk a lot and I feel good about it.  I never tell my parents how much they means to me. No guy does. We are men. We do not know how to express love. That is why we buy jewellery. We do not hug our dads. Instead, we talk about football.
'What are you doing?' I ask her.
'Nothing. what happened?Is everything okay, Deb!' I can sense the surprise in her voice. I usually never ask that. I never call my mom. But that doesn't mean I don't love her. Two women make my world go around – one is Avantika, the other's my mom. The third will be Avantika Jr., I guess. But there is still a decade to go for that. I am obsessed with Avantika and our relationship. It's been like that ever since I was in collage.
    'Yes,' I say. I have tears in my eyes. I do not know why and I almost feel like a girl for being so emotional about it. I want to tell her that I love her. If tomorrow something happens to me,she should know that I love her.
     'Umm....'
    There is an awkward silence. This is why I never call my mom. We usually have nothing to talk to other than my eating habits, and whether I am gaining my weight.
     'Are you eating properly, Deb?' She asks. 'Avantika has been telling me that you skip lunches. This won't work, Tini'.
   Yeah, Tini. Like everyone, I was too given an embarrassing nickname by my mom – Tini. And somehow, she manages to use it the most whenever she is around my friends.
'I have been eating, Mum. She is just paranoid! And you have given her this disease,' I say. I know from experience that I should never let mom start about food. She is obsessed with feeding me. She has happily passed that trait to Avantika.
    'You need to eat, Tini,' she says.
     'Whatever.'
I cab hear Dad in the background. It has been almost six months since I last met them. It is cool to live alone, but not all the time. I miss being irresponsible. I miss being stuffed by my mom, although Avantika is doing a good job at it. Mom knows that Avantika spends a lot of time at my place.
    I hang up after a while and try to sleep. As soon as I close my eyes,it  all comes back to me. I try to push those gory images out of my head. I desperately need a distraction. Maybe thinking about Avantika would help; it always does, but not this time. People died. And it was just yesterday. Right in front of my eyes. Dream crushed. Lives ended. Children lost.

         How can I sleep?   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OMG it's was such a big part, my fingers are paining like hell, but its worth it if you all will vote and comment. Enjoy 😊