Raising The Jarvis Twins

Raising The Jarvis Twins {15}

                “Ali, what do I do?” Ben whispered. “Look, I need to go get the boys from the Saunders’s house. Just…sit tight, okay? We can figure out after we feed the boys. Did you do anything else…bad?” He got a guilty look in his eyes. “I smoked 2 cigarettes. Today.”

                I sighed. “Where’s the pack? And your lighter?” “In the car,” he mumbled. “I’m taking them both. Where did you get the alcohol from?” “I stole it from Chris’s house,” he said, clearly ashamed of himself. I sighed again. “Don’t go there, Ben. Please.” He nodded silently and I left.

                I got in his car and pulled out his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. I drove to the Saunders’s house and knocked on the door.

                “Hey,” Brett said with a nod. “Shane! Shawn! Your mom is here!” he screamed over his shoulder and stepped aside so I could enter the house.

                “Brett…this isn’t a full pack, but do you want what’s left?” I asked, knowing Brett was a smoker. He got a huge smile. “Aw sure. Thanks,” he said and took the pack. “Take the lighter, too. Ben is trying to quit, and he’s having a hard time.” He took the lighter and gave me a questioning look.

                “I thought Ben quit years ago?” I shrugged helplessly. “He’s starting to smoke again. I want to get the cigarettes away from him before he becomes addicted again.”

                “Bruce! Go get your brother and the twins,” Brett said as Bruce walked by. “No. Get them yourself you lazy piece of shit,” Bruce snapped. Brett stormed over and grabbed him roughly by his arm. “Don’t you mouth off to me,” he growled and twisted Bruce’s arm. “OW! Let go!” Bruce cried angrily.

                “Now go get your brother and the twins. When I tell you to do something, you do it,” Brett snapped and shoved him forward.

                A minute later, the boys and Type came downstairs. Type walked over to his dad and Brett ruffled his hair. “Come on boys. We’ve got to go home,” I said with a smile and they came over to me.

                I got them in the car and drove them home. We went inside and Ben was starting dinner for everyone. He glanced at the boys and his eyes filled with guilt and shame.

                Shane went over to Ben and awkwardly stood there before flinging his arms around him. Ben froze before hugging him back tightly.

                “I won’t hit you Shane. I love you. I won’t hit you or Shawn, unless you deserve it. And then only spankings or a slap or two,” he whispered, rocking with Shane.

                Ben had his iPod plugged into the speakers and I realized that he had The Way I Was by Makeshift Romeo on repeat. “Oh Ben,” I whispered and he looked at me with eyes struggling to stay above depression.

                Oh god. Ben was slipping into depression, and the only way he knew to get himself out of that was cutting. I hadn’t checked his wrists in so long. For all I knew, he had started cutting himself again. But I couldn’t check in front of the boys, just in case he had started cutting again.

                We sat down and ate dinner, me talking to the boys and Ben staying silent. They put away their dishes when they were done and went up to shower. “Come down when you get out of the shower so we can do your homework with you Shawn!” I reminded him and he pouted but went up the stairs.

                I instantly moved to Ben and grabbed his arm. “Ali…Stop…” he whimpered and tried to pull his arm away. I shoved his sleeve up and my eyes watered. “Oh god Ben. Why? Why do you have to do that to yourself?” I asked silently as I looked at the new cuts on his arm. So many scars…and now three new cuts. One looked a little older than the other. The other two looked fresh.

                “When?” I demanded when he stayed silent. “This one when Shane had the nightmare,” he said shakily, pointing at the one that looked older. “And these two today.”

                I pulled him into my arms and we rocked there together silently. “We need to call your dad,” I said at last. “No!” he cried, panic rising in his eyes. “Ben, he helped you last time,” I said quietly. He shook his head wildly. “Ali, no! He’ll be so disappointed in me…”

                “No he won’t Ben! He’ll want to help you!” I cried honestly. “He loves you and he just wants to help you. Please let him help you Ben. If you can’t beat this, what happens to our family?”

                He froze and dropped his head in defeat. “Call him. I can’t do it, Ali. I can’t tell him.” I kissed him lovingly before getting the phone and dialing JJ’s number.

                “Hello?” he answered cheerfully. “JJ…we need you,” I said silently. “What’s wrong?” he asked automatically. “It’s Ben. He…he had two drinks today. And two cigarettes. And he…hurt himself. He’s becoming depressed again. We need your help,” I said, watching Ben out of the corner of my eye.

                He went over to the kitchen table and dropped his face into his hands. JJ was silent for a moment before he let out a shaky breath. “I’ll come over tomorrow and we talk and figure out what to do, okay?” I nodded and thanked him before hanging up the phone.

                “Everything is going to be okay Ben,” I whispered and kissed him again. The next day, I texted JJ to come up for dinner. I got home from work and went into the house.

                “I’m home!” I announced. I could hear the boys giggling upstairs. “Ben?” I called curiously. I moved into the living room. My eyes widened in horror as they landed on Ben lying unconscious on the floor, his head cut and bleeding.