The Goldy Project

Chapter 21

I had dreamed of summer for so long, and now that it was here I wish I was back at school so that anything could take my mind away from what was happening around me. I was staring at the photos on my phone of Ryan, when we were together, when I was so oblivious of what was happening, I was just utterly and completely infatuated with him. But I was wrong in believing there was such as thing as loyalty, or perfection. Nobody was perfect, everyone hid dark secrets behind closed door hoping that no one would discover them. Including myself, but not anymore. I hear my phone buzz, and I don't even have to look at it to know it was Ryan. I hadn't met him in the park, and I hadn't given him the satisfaction of even replying. I knew he was getting agitated, fearing his little secret to be revealed. Thankfully I told mum to get me a new phone so that I could change my number and never have to see his name pop up my screen again.

Suddenly I hear the doorbell ring, Mum, George and James were grocery shopping leaving me by myself. The doorbell rings again, I saunter my way down the stairs and I instantly know it's Ryan. He rings the doorbell again, getting impatient, whilst I sit on the last stair waiting for him to leave. I shake violently as the door is being slammed by huge fists.

"I know you're in there Jade, let me in." I hear Ryan roar from the other side. My eyes start to tingle, but I fight it. Ryan is now punching the door vigorously and repeatedly.

Then there's nothing. Silence.

I see Ryan's athletic shadows slowly drop to the ground, and I hear a muffled groan, almost a wail. I challenge myself to go closer to the door, to hopefully hear the sound of the tyres of his car moving away, but instead the wails are just getting louder.

"Jade, please." Ryan cries behind the door. My heart stays rigid, but I know that he wasn't going to leave, and if I didn't let him in, it would start a commotion in the neighborhood and I definitely didn't need any more drama right now. I slowly move towards the door and grab the cold handle. With a twist it unlocks easily, and Ryan tumbles in after, I presume, he was leaning on the door. He looks at me in confusion on the floor, probably still deciding if this was reality, but he quickly makes up his mind and gets up at once. I peer outside to see if anyone had seen us, luckily no-one noticed a huge hunk slamming my door, which truly empowered my trust in my neighborhood for always watching my back, not. I walk towards the garden, and Ryan follows me like a lost puppy. Whilst I sit on the lawn, he sits beside me, so I move over even further away from him, not liking the small distance which separated us.

"My brother will be back soon, so if you don't want to get pelted into a pulp, I would suggest you quickly say what you have to say and leave." I say gruffly. I look at Ryan in hatred, as he hangs his head in shame.

"I know what you saw and I know you hate me. I won't lie to you anymore and say that it was not what it looked like-" I sniff in disgust of the thought of him trying to make up an excuse, "because it was exactly what it looked like. I am in love with someone else." The words hit my heart like knives piercing gently but painfully in a Victoria sponge. Ryan continues with no recognition of the pain that I'm going through, "And I have been in love with someone else for so long. But- I couldn't bring myself to accept it. I tried, for so long Jade, I tried to love you the way you deserved, but instead I hurt you and that was never my intention. But not everything was a lie, I did love you, as a friend-"I snort and interrupt Ryan's painful monologue, trying to push away the sting in my heart.

"Oh for goodness sake, we're both not exactly angels in this situation, so don't even bother. I'm not your pity case, I don't need your effort or your excuses. You- you loved someone else, but you used me to cover up a relationship which you were ashamed of, which your family were ashamed of. " I snarl at Ryan. Ryan flushes a deep red in shame, or rage, I can't decide.

"I had to hide it, can't you see? My Dad owns one of the biggest interior design franchises in the whole of the UK. Can't you see that I'm an embarrassment, I could destroy the business, no-one could take my Dad seriously if I was ga-" Ryan stops mid-sentence, he looks petrified, as if he just swore inform it a priest.

"If I was honest. It made everyone happy to see you as my girlfriend, to sacrifice my happiness was a small price to pay." Ryan says in remorse .

"But you didn't sacrifice your happiness Ryan. You were still with him, and I can understand why. It's because you love him. Your dad might be the richest guy on the planet, but right now I don't see anyone who could poorer than him, because he will never get to see you be truly happy if he can't accept you for who you are. No amount of money or girlfriends will ever change you Ryan." I say, conjuring all the confidence I had.

"It's my choice Jade, and I would rather do my stuff in the dark where there is no-one there to judge, than out in the open where everyone's eyes will fall on me like prey." Ryan temper rises, he stops to cool down. After some thought he begins to talk again, "You have no idea how it is for me, I'm one of the best basketball players and a really academic student. In this tiny village, everyone would think of me differently of o told them I was in love with a- a guy." Ryan mutters nervously.

"Nobody cares Ryan, it's the twenty-first century. Just because of who you love, doesn't change who you are. C'mon, for a really intelligent guy you are acting incredibly stupid. If you really are in love with this guy, you should have courage in that love. Don't love someone without being ready to fight for it, because then you really aren't in love. No- then you're just a coward." I snap. Ryan wipes away at his stinging eyes, aggressively, but then he looks down in shame.

"But who am I to you than just a another nobody, right? So it doesn't matter how many times I drill this into your brain, eventually the only person who can change your future, is yourself. I know why you're here, and your little secret is safe with me, as it isn't my place to tell. But please, for the sake of whatever we had for the last two months, or the sake of your loved one, please change. Although you never loved me, I have always adored you and I think of you as one of my close friends, and I would love to see you happy being you and not pretending to be someone else. " I say, with a sense of finality in my voice. Ryan isn't able to say anything, but once he has realised the questions in his head has been answered, he starts to walks away.

"Oh and one more thing," Ryan instantly turns around, I see a spark of hope in his eyes, "Don't come back to me until you've found yourself, Okay?" I go over to him and hand him a scrunched up piece of paper with my new number written on it. The spark has completely vanished from his eyes, and Ryan meekly nods in my direction and goes back to leaving. I turn, not wanting to watch him leave my life, probably forever. But I also didn't want him to turn around to see me so vulnerable, I needed him to be strong. All I could do was hope that I was able to change his ways.

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Currently surrounded in snow when it should be spring. Sorry for the slow uploads, but i hope you've had a lovely 2018 so far. Remember to vote and Comment.

love, hotchocolover101