Rebecca's POV
Thanksgiving passed, Christmas passed, my birthday passed...and yet my Amber was still missing. I cried every night before I fell asleep.
I was in so much pain. My chemotherapy treatment was so painful. Since I got an early diagnosis, I was able to be treated immediately. My cancer is mostly gone, but I still have to go through more rounds of chemo.
"Princess." I turned and smiled sadly at Josh. "Are you ready?" I nodded. After I had told Josh I had cancer; I said I was scared of losing my hair. It's what makes me feel beautiful. Josh helped me shave my long hair off before shaving his. After I finished that treatment in January, my hair began growing again. Today in June, with my next round of chemotherapy doing its job, my short hair that barely reached my ears was starting to fall off again.
"Are you going to do it again?" I asked. He nodded. I looked at my short, light brown hair. I took a deep breath before sitting down. Josh wrapped a towel around my neck. I closed my eyes when I heard the razor turned on. The razor moved across my skull and I felt a lump of hair fall on my lap. I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror. Josh was focused on shaving my hair off. I felt tears stream down my face.
"You look beautiful, Princess," Josh reminded me. "You're so strong. You're going to beat this cancer." I nodded. I sniffed and wiped my tears. "And we're going to find our daughter." I gasped for a breath of air.
"I miss her so much," I whispered.
"We'll find her," Josh repeated. Josh wiped my tears away with a tissue. I pressed my lips against his. "Do you want to shave mine?" I nodded. We switched places, my head now vacant of any hair. I shaved Josh's long hair. Slowly, his scalp tattoo began to show again. On the base of his neck, he had Amber's name tattooed. On his wrist, he had a little dinosaur, his nickname for Amber.
I felt so miserable without Amber, without knowing where she was. I just wanted her safely in my arms. Months have passed by without any news about where she is. I cried as I took Josh's hair off. He's used to it, but I'm not used to being bald. I want my long hair back. I want to go back before any of this happened. Before I was diagnosed with cancer, before Amber was kidnapped.
One thing I've never told Josh is that I have been getting letters. Letters from Richard. It started in the small office I worked in for AP Magazine. Richard has been watching us, me. He tells me Amber is alive and fine but that she refuses to call Richard 'Dad' or 'Father.' The envelope never had a stamp or address, just my name. Becky. I never told Josh because Richard said if I did, he would stop telling me how Amber was.
"There we go," I told Josh. My eyes filled with tears.
"Princess," he whispered. "You are still the most beautiful woman in the world to me." He planted butterfly kisses on my cheeks. I wrapped my arms around him.
"I quit my job," I whispered defenselessly.
"I know. It's fine." Josh said. He kissed the top of my head. I cried into his chest.
"She's been gone seven months," I cried. "Amber's been gone for seven fucking months." Josh held me tightly.
"We're going to find her."
"When?" I cried. "I miss my baby so much." I gasped for air. "What is she going to remember about me on her eight birthday?"
"We're going to find her before that," Josh told me. "We are going to find our daughter." He wiped my tears away. "Do you want to come with me? I was going to buy some groceries."
"You want to be with me in public?" I asked.
"Why wouldn't I?" he asked in concern.
"Because I'm so ugly to look at," I whispered, looking down at my malnourished body. "Why would you want me to go out with you like this?"
