Incubus

12. Greatest Surrender

Nose deep in a manual, I sipped at my tea. Helen roused from her sleep eventually and did a double take. Ignoring her, I attempted to decipher this new motherboard panel that everyone is trying to implement. It seems useless to me, just shiny and new, not really as functional as other older models. Looks aren't everything sometimes.

"You look like you are dead. Are you alright?" Helen asked.

Shit, I forgot to take my vitamin. "Oh, I just need this tea and I'll be fine. I had a long night."

After a long pause and a hard stare, Helen said, "Whatever you've got going on, don't think I don't notice, Jessica. I know I don't accost you every chance I get about it like your brother, but I am just as equally concerned. I've literally had sex with you, I know you better than anyone. You're the most humane person I know. Don't drag yourself down in order to bring someone else up."

Her words hit me hard. What if she's right? What if I'm dragging myself down in order to give my demon what he needs more than anything—me and my submission? I sighed and then went into my room to grab a vitamin, stepping back into the kitchen to take it with my tea. I should start to look and feel better in about thirty minutes.

Realizing I wasn't going to say anything, Helen shook her head, muttering beneath her breath as she pulled out her laptop and started writing.

Glad she is giving up I returned to my motherboard panel, poking at it with my index finger. I bet some stupid man came up with this because there is nothing they love more than functional flashy things. I on the other hand will take something ugly if it works like a god. This panel is basic and I want to toss it out.

An hour passed and by then I was extremely irritated with the panel. Whoever made this is a complete imbecile and I would like to show up on his front door and tell him how stupid he is. Honestly.

My phone started ringing and so I answered. "Hello?"

"I'm surprised you answered," James mused.

I grew cold all over. "Well I did." Must stay in control. Must stay in control. Must stay in freaking control.

"Have you eaten today?"

"No, but—"

"I make a mean omelette if you're interested."

I took a deep breath. "I don't think that's wise, James."

"And why is that?"

      "Something tells me you don't like to hear the word no." I snorted. Irritated. What's wrong with me today?

      "Well no one does." He laughed.

     "I don't mind it. It keeps things interesting."

      James paused before saying, "Alright then. No, I won't stop trying. Am I interesting now?"

     I pursed my lips, laying back in my bed after casting the panel to my nightstand. "James I'm seeing someone else and I'm perfectly happy with that person. I'm sorry but all I can offer you is friendship and from what I've been observing you're not so keen on the idea of friends."

"Why would you be keen on friendship when you can almost taste a relationship?"

"That's quite invasive of you. You can't just bulldoze past my comfortability and create what you want out of something I can't offer."

"That would make me an excellent business man," James joked.

I sighed. "I'm not a business and I'm not for sale."