Dear Diary.
I'm going to tell you something, and i really mean it. I almost killed myself. It was today, i found a knife and.. well. Niall caught me doing it and he started screeming. Louis heard us, he saw what i was doing and started crying to. I have no idea why, but is started screaming at Louis. "Why do you act like you don't care? Why do you act like you love me? If you hate me, you can just saying instead of doing this to me!" that's what i screamed. I'm telling everyone i did that because i was confused, but it was the truth. I can't life like this. It's aweful and not worth it.
Today my nose started bleeding, and it wouldn't stop. I went to the doctor, but he said it was nothing. I heard this before Diary. A kid in my class a few years ago had it to. It started with his nose, then he got really tired all the time and a few weeks later he had cancer. He didn't make it. And now i'm scared. What if i have cancer to? I bet Louis still won't care.
It's like 4 pm now, i'm tired, but can't fall asleep. I'm dreaming about dying, i'm dreaming about a lot of bad thing. Monsters, Louis, getting killed. I have no idea why i have those dreams. Maybe it's all in my head? I don't know Diary.
Tomorrow i got to go to the doctor, again. Niall didn't trust my nose and said i needed to go back. I'm scared Diary. I hope it's nothing. Just.. Nothing. My life is a mess right now, having some stupid disease doesn't really help.
Liam told me i can pray. It feels good to talk to someone who doesn't talk back. Someone who's just listening to every word you say. I don't know if god is real Diary, but it feels so good to talk to that guy. I hope he's a black man. I don't know why, i just like those people. Their nice and funny and cool. So, this Diary started as a funny thing. Something i can read back when i'm old. Now it's a place where i can say what's on my mind. It helps me to think clearly.
Thank you for being there for me Diary. Sometimes i feel that you and Niall are my only friends. I love Louis, don't get me wrong. But that idiot doesn't think about my feelings. Egoist. Jesus.
Lots of Love
Harry Edward Styles.
