I looked down at the tiny little Connor lying on my stomach, my heart was beating uneasily as I looked at the tubes connected to him. “I think this is the definition of hell.” I choked. “I can’t do anything do make him feel better and he’s part of my everything.” His tiny hand was wrapped around my pinky.
“I’m sorry Mrs. but I can’t lie and say I know how you’re feeling, my kids all came out perfectly healthy, I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling.” The nurse said sadly. I just looked back at tiny Connor, he looked so helpless. My laptop started ringing it and the nurse set it on the table, answering the skype call.
“HI MOMMY!” Nicki yelled. The nurse ran over to take Connor away so the loud sounds wouldn’t affect him.
“Wait no, I’m sorry, please just two more seconds?” I begged. I didn’t even care Zayn was with the twins watching me on the screen, I just had to know Connor was safe, and he was safest with me.
“I’m sorry.” She mumbled, wheeling his case away. My heart shattered into a million pieces and tears flood into my vision.
“Mommy?” Zack said softly.
“I’m sorry…” I breathed, turning to them. I knew they were safe with Zayn, that’s why I sent them with him. I gave me two less things to go crazy about, even though they were always on my mind and I always worried about them. I looked to their worried expressions and I knew it instantly.
I couldn’t do anything right, I was failing as a parent, as a protector, they deserved better than me.
I fuck up everything.
“I’m so sorry… Don’t worry about me.” I said softly, tears falling from my eyes. “Tell me about your week?” I pleaded.
“Did you know London and Disney are very far from each other? A big lake away!” Zack told me as I picked up the laptop and set it on my lap. “I tried to come say goodnight to you but Papa told me it was really far away and it would be dinner time with you because the sun is in a different place.”
“Wow babe that’s so cool.” I smiled.
“Now we’re just waiting for Uncle Harry to come and take us out for dinner.” Nicki said, bored by Zacks rant.
“That sounds like fun.” I smiled. I noticed Nicki’s face still looked upset. “What’s wrong baby?”
“I made you sad, I made them take the baby away.” She mumbled.
“Aw baby it wasn’t your fault they had to take the baby anyway.” I said, sad that again, I was sucking at being a parent. “Connor loves you guys and can’t wait until he can play with you.”
“Really?” Nicki asked hopefully.
“Really.” I assured her, the door opened on their end and I lost all of their attention to Harry, they were bouncing around and cheering, soon taken away, making me realize how lonely I was.
“Skylar-”
“I’m the worst Zayn, I’m the fucking worst.” I sniffed bursting into tears. He just sat their with a sad look on his face. “I can’t keep my own fucking baby safe! I’m making the twins worry about me! I’m the worst parent to walk this whole fucking planet.” I cried.
“No you’re not Skylar, you’re trying your hardest-”
“My hardest isn’t good enough, they deserve the world and the moon too, if they want it.”
“They know you’d give them every planet if you could, they know that, they love you, that’s enough.” Zayn said softly. “You’re a great mom. You’re own son tried to take a bus across the ocean just to say goodnight to you.” he chuckled.
“How do you bus across an ocean?” I laughed.
“I have no clue.” He smiled. “You kids will all turn out just fine, greater than fine.”
“You know two thirds of my kids our yours?” I raised an eyebrow.
“All the more reason they’ll turn out fine.” He joked.
“You really are a great dad Zayn, don’t kid yourself. Zack’s already calling you Papa.”
“He still wouldn’t bus an ocean for me though.” He smiled weakly.
“Nicki would though, she loved you the second she opened the door, and Zack’s getting there.”
“Maybe… do you ever wonder what it would be like if we were together and it was just the four of us?” He asked nervously.
“I used to, but then I realized if I continued to think like that it would drive me mad.” I laughed lightly. His eyes darted to the floor. “It’s not really an option anymore.” He stayed silent. “If I kept focusing on the ‘what if’s?’ I’m going to go nowhere. Like what if Kaylem didn’t die? What if I liked Kozac the same way he like me? What if my mom never dated Jesse? What if we ended up together? It’s too late Zayn, all of it’s too late.”
“And we can do nothing about that.”
_--------------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR"S NOTE:
HEY GUYS yet another chapter.. hope you guys enjoy this one..:D
~stay random
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Unwanted // one direction fanfic
Fanfiction“What the hell are you doing?” I spat at Zayn. He just pulled away from her to look at me. “Get your hands away from my sister.” “Harry I’m so sorry-” “Oh really I’m your sister now?” She spat getting up and marching right up to me. “Why th...
