Bucky Barnes oneshots!

Insecurities||Requested

Okay so, this is the requested imagine for my lovely Shaheen167! Hope you like it!

DISCLAIMER|

This one shot goes really deep, revealing some of the character's insecurities, any similarity is just a coincidence mkay? >.< 

You curled up on your boyfriend's bed,bringing your knees to your chest hugging them. Your breathing was getting heavier and heavier, while you were struggling to hold your tears back. All you could think about was your past life, everyone had left you, your father, your mother, all the people you loved had just disappeared out of your life the time you needed them the most. So from an early age, you were scared. Scared of death, scared of rejection, scared of loss. Bucky and you had been together for almost a year, you'd helped him regain most of his memories, while he always had your back. You were unseparable, most of your free time spent together, until he confessed his love for you. Things had changed since then, the way you saw him changed, he was still your best friend, but you were so scared that he'd leave you, get bored of you, even play with you and then dump you, just like everyone else did. As if all these thoughts weren't enough, Bucky seemed to have been ignoring you lately, you'd tried talking to him, but he'd always end the conversation quickly and then get back to doing what he already was. Was that just a confirmation to all your theories? Was he really ''not into you'' anymore? Or was something else troubling him? All these questions have been driving you mad, your sobs now echoeing in the cold room. 

''Shaheen?'' Bucky's voice was heard from outside.

You quickly sat up, wiping your eyes, taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. He opened the door, entering the room, a troubled expression forming in his eyes. 

''Are you okay? What's wrong? Were you crying?'' he asked, his eyes roaming your now again curled up body. 

''I'm fine.'' you replied, not even bothering to look into his eyes, he could always tell when you were lying. 

''No, you're not apparently, please tell me what's wrong. Please?'' he demanded, his voice more serious than earlier. 

You let out a sigh, lifting your eyes from the ground only to meet his. Biting the inside of your cheek, you sat back up on the hard matress of Bucky's bed. 

''Ugh. Look.. I..'' you started. ''Basically, I'm scared, you've been avoiding me lately, all your actions the past month have showed me that I'm just not loved by you anymore. I'm scared, I'm so scared, I'm scared of you getting bored of me, not finding interest in me anymore, while I struggle to make you the happiest. I don't want to stay up the whole night thinking of what to do to make you notice me again, should I tell him I love him? What if he doesn't reply to me? What if I end up making myself feel worse? I'm scared your feelings for me aren't as strong as mine towards you. I don't want to be the one fighting for this relationship, putting so much effort on it, just for you to be distant towards me, I don't want to look at your pictures, hoping that you'll show up on my door as much as you used to. I don't like the way you ignore me lately, every time I approach you, you end the conversation as quickly as possible and then walk away. I don't want to  get my heart ripped apart every night, not knowing what the heck is wrong with you. And yeah, I just revealed my biggest insecurity to you. That's it, that's all I can say James, now if you try to end this conversation, at least end it by telling me if you still trully love me or not, because I want to know if it's worth it anymore.'' you stormed off at him. You couldn't keep this inside you anymore, part of you was happy for telling you, but in the same time, you were scared and lost, what if he didn't appreciate any of this? 

''Shaheen, I..'' he mumbled, his eyes staring at the ground. ''I'm so sorry to have made you feel like this, truth is I've always distanced myself from everyone, that's what I do when I don't want to hurt someone and make them worry about me and my problems. I still, do  trully love you and I want you to know you're more than perfect to me.'' he completed, lifting his head back up, sitting down on the bed next to you. ''Thank you for sharing that with me..'' he mumbled, wrapping his arms around you gently. You looked up at him burrying your face in his chest, sobs escaping your lips. ''Are you bored of m-me..?'' that was the only thing you could ask him at the moment, your tears staining his shirt. 

''Of course I'm not bored of you and I'll never be. I love you, Shaheen, it's just hard for me to express it, I'm so sorry, I promise you I'll always love you.'' he reassured you, kissing the top of your head lovingly. 

You nodded, falling asleep in his arms after a while.

AHH WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF ESPECIALLY WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND IS NOT HERE FML