Jace and Clary: This love

chapter 19

Jace's POV

I wake to an empty room, I finally convinced everyone to get some sleep. My throat is dry so I get up with difficulty might I add. I slowly make it to the kitchen and I decide to make myself a cup of tea. Once done I add Suger and milk to it and it's done. I can't use my other arm it burns like it's on fire when I try to move it. I walk out to the backyard of the institute and sit on the porch swing we have out there. I just relax and enjoy my tea. That is until it is interrupted. "Jace what are you doing you are supposed to be lying down right now" I knew before I even heard her that it was clary "I'm fine clary" she doesn't look like she believes me "I am fine I promise..okay" she just nods I pull her to my side and we just cuddle together on the porch swing while I enjoy my tea. I don't feel like talking and I think that clary senses that so she doesn't say a word, I am grateful for that. After a while we both decide to go inside to the library. As we walk in everyone is in there. I sit on the couch and continue to drink my tea. I can feel everyones eyes on me but I don't pay no mind to it because it doesn't bother me at all

Maryse is the first one to speak "jace ar-" "I'm fine" i sigh. I hate having people constantly ask if I am okay I hate it I always have. Izzy and alec know that, so that's why they haven't said a word.

"Okay then how is your arm" I don't answer I just shrug because I don't want to talk about it. Everyone saw what he did they saw everything and I hate that. They saw me when I was most vulnerable. The most hurt. They all saw it. I am should have fought harder, I should have been stronger but I wasn't. I am weak I am supposed to be a warrior, I am supposed to fight my battles and win them but I lost to the one enemy that I was trained to take down and I failed. Yeah he is dead I killed him. And I should be happy about that but I am not I feel nothing.

Abruptly, I get up and walk out of the room and go to my room. I am tired of the stares I am tired of it all I don't need them to feel bad for me I can see it on there faces I don't want it.

I just stand in the middle of my room staring around I feel empty inside I don't feel anything. I can hear footsteps behind me and I know it's clary just by the way she walks. She puts her hand on my shoulder "jace..talk to me..please" "what's there to talk about" she turns me around so I am looking in her eyes, those bright emerald green eyes that I love so much. She sits us both on the bed, clary is stubborn and she won't stop until she gets me to talk I know it but I don't want to talk about it any of it.

She puts her hand on my face, I sigh and lean into it and close my eyes. her touch it's so comforting, she is my light, even in the darkest places a witchlight wouldn't shine as bright as her. "Jace" this time she whispers it. I open my eyes and stare into hers finally I decide to talk. "When I killed him I thought that it would bring me some kind of accomplishment, some kind of relief but I don't feel anything" "that's okay jace all that matters is that you are okay, nothing else okay" I just nod "I love you jace" I smile not able to hold it back "I love you clary" she grabs my face and pulls me into a kiss and in that moment nothing else matters just the two of us.