Jace and Clary: This love

chapter 32

clarys POV

I wake up feeling all hot and sticky, but in a good way. I love the feeling of warmth and comfort that radiates off of jaces body. this wonderful feeling is ruined when my bladder all but screams out that i have to pee. I try to pry jaces arms off from around me and let him sleep but jace being jace woke up and pulled my in tighter.

"jace I have to pee" his hold loosens on me and allows me free of his embrace. I all but rush to the bathroom and pee as fast as I can so fast it sounds like a fire hydrant exploded. I run and jump on the bed and on top of Jace not wanting to freeze my feet anymore on the cold floor.

Jace catches me like always I lay in his arms for some time until my need for caffeine kicks in. We decide we are going to head downstairs to the holy heaven I call coffee.

We get dressed and make our way to the kitchen where the coffee is made and everyone is scattered around the kitchen I pour myself a cup, just as the hot liquid is about to touch my lips Izzy screeches

"Noooooo" I almost spill my whole cup. "Clary you can't drink caffeine when your pregnant it can harm the baby"

"Izzy" I say calmly "I'm not pregnant"
Her face automatically forms a frown

"Awwww.. I was already making plans with clothes, names, your baby shower everything I already have most of it all planned" she whines out. I feel jace pull me in his hold and place a kiss on my shoulder that is exposed from jaces shirt on me. I just give her a small smile and drink my coffee.

The cold breeze of the wind blows my hair back. I watch as the sun sets- the slur of colors in the sky from oranges to reds. My feet dangle where they don't touch the ground on the swing seat. I hear a squeal behind me. I turn to see the most beautiful thing. Jace and some kids running around the yard.

Laughter fills the air.

"Mommy mommy mommy" "yes baby" I hear myself say "why didn't you want us" it takes me a minute to comprehend her question

"It's not that I didn't want you, I just wasn't ready for you quite yet" I tell her easily. I see a little boy run up beside her and say the same thing.

"Mommy mommy mommy" "yes baby" I reply with again "why didn't you want us" once again I say

"It's not that I didn't want you I just wasn't quite ready for you yet" Jace comes up behind them

"Clary Clary Clary" he says "yes baby" I reply "why didn't you want them" Jace looks so hurt it brings tears to my eyes.

"It's not that I didn't want them I just wasn't quite ready for them yet" I find myself saying. "How could you clary..How could you ruin our family..Don't you want a family with me "I feel the tears trickle down my face and the once perfect I saw before me has changed. "Of course I want a family with you Jace"

I watch as all of them step away from me as if I am a monster.

"Please baby please don't go" I hear myself say "please I want all of you please don't go..Don't leave me" I weep for my love investment as they leave me all alone.

I hear a small whisper, it's jace he is calling my name I try to talk back to him but I can't. "Clary..Clary..Clary" I hear like a chant then it gets louder and louder "CLARY...CLARY...CLARY"

I fly up out of bed with my hand over my heart. The side lamp is on so the room is dimly lit, I look at Jace who looks surprised and a little worried. I jump into his arms and hold him never wanting to feel the pain I felt in that dream ever again.

"Talk to me baby..Talk to me Clary" I look him in the eye with my teary eyes.

"You left..I was alone an-" "hey.. hey I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere not if I can help it...But that's not all..You can tell me" he says easily as if he has an idea of what also happened in my dream or should I say nightmare.

I lay my head on his chest and stare at the thread on his shirt not able to look him in the eye.

"I was on this swing and my feet couldn't touch the ground and there was this beautiful sunset orange and red it was absolutely beautiful..I could hear laughter behind me not the rude kind but the happy kind..I see you with these little kids" I pause because Jace just lightly stiffens but enough for me to feel. He rubs my arms as if to tell me to continue.

"A little girl walks up to me and asks me why I didn't want her and I told her I wasn't ready then the little boy comes up and asked me why I didn't want him so I told him the same thing I told the little girl..I wasn't ready..Then you you ask me why I didn't want them. Why I didn't want a family with yo-" I choke up but make myself continue. I sit up and look Jace in the eye " I do want a family with you. know that Jace I do I jus-" "hey clary hey" he stops me

I feel him pull me into his embrace "I know that Clary, I know that. you don't have to be worried about that I know your not ready..Hell I am no where near ready but I would do the best that I can to be the best when the time comes...We have our whole lives for this okay" I nod

"Okay" I feel a kiss pressed to my forehead.

"Get some sleep clary" I nod and feel myself drift off into oblivion.