Two bodies tangled on to each other like two puzzle pieces. Sharing a bed that is solely made for a single occupant. The white thin sheets barely enough to keep our skin warm. And the sun from the outside raring to shine upon our being. I can feel her breathing with her nose just above my chest.
She moved the angle of her body a little bit to her right allowing me to have a peek on her face. If I move her a little more, I could probably see a small smile formed on her lips. Even with just a mere look at it, I could see that she is sleeping calmly still with her arms around me. I wish I could be as calm as her though. As if no worries are clouding her mind, unlike mine, my head is filled with questions. Questions that has been interfering with my present. I want to feel as carefree and as happy as she is with me. But something just does not sum up right. I should be happy with her. I need to. I want to. Suddenly memories from last night quickly hit me.
~
"Grabe mag dadalawang taon na." she argued to me. "Hanggang ngayon pa ba ay naaalala mo parin siya?"
"Kaibigan ko siya at matagal ko na siyang kilala." sagot ko naman sakanya. "It's her birthday so malamang naman ay talagang maaalala ko siya."
"Yeah right."
She went back to the bed clearly being frustrated with our argument.
"Like you said, 2 years na nga so ano pang problema doon?" I fought her back. "2 years, 2 years hindi pa ba sapat yon?"
"Ang problema ay lasing ka nanaman." she said it like she was tired. Tired of the mess I am. "Lasing ka nanaman sa araw na ito dahil naalala mo nanaman siya."
"Hindi ako lasing." napataas kong sinabi. "Yes napainom ako kanina pero hindi ako lasing."
"Oh stop it." she cut me off. "Nakakasawa nang pakinggan yang mga rason mo."
I didn't know what to say back to her. Tiningnan ko yung time and it's almost 2 am. For sure yung mga katabi naming unit ay naka tulog na dahil Monday bukas at may pasok. My head is still in circles trying to get my thoughts straight. Definitely I am not drunk. Siguro sa dami lang talaga nang naiisip ko kaya wala akong matinong maisip.
And the mere fact that it's her birthday.
Her.
I quickly stopped myself from thinking about her again. Ako naman talaga yung may problema eh. Tama nga naman siya, two years na. Two years na and still she makes me do these stupid things pag naalala ko siya. This time I want to do something right.
I slowly went to our bed and gave her a kiss on her forehead.
"I am sorry." I apologized.
"Why does it have to be like this?" she asked me as she rested her head on her hands. Clearly she's tired. Burned out even.
"Hindi na mauulit." I tried to assure her. "Wala namang meaning ito eh."
"Siguro nga sayo wala." she countered. "But do you know what this is starting to look like?"
I know exactly what this is starting to like.
"It looks like how you and I started two years ago." she continued. "I picked you up and fixed you back together when you were so broken from the inside out."
"Alam ko." I agreed as I tried to lift her up and just pulled her closer to me with my arms around her. "But it's not like that anymore."
"You were so broken." she pointed out. "Every night ako yung nag uuwi sayo pag galing ka sa mga bars wasting your life away. And I was always there to clean up the mess that you did for that night. And the same thing happens the following day. Alam mo ba kung gaano kahirap yon?"
