Forbidden Love

Questions filled her head, was he serious, she must be dreaming, something. This couldn’t really be happening, not to her.

“Stephan, are you serious? You love me?”

“Of course I do, ever since you’ve moved in…ever since that day, I’ve felt more...complete. It’s like nothing was right before you turned up at our door. I hope this doesn’t scare you, I’ve just needed to tell you, I didn’t want to hold it in any longer.”

“I- I don’t know what to say.”

“Whatever you do, don’t tell me that you love me just to make me feel better. I’m not asking for that. I’m just asking for a chance.”

“Before that, can I ask you one thing?”

“Anything.”                     

“Do you still carry around that little flask with all the alcohol in it with you?”

“No, I quit that. It was a nasty habit.”

“When did you stop that?”

“When I realized it couldn’t really take away pain, that it just created a false reality. It would make it go away for a while, but whatever problem I had would always come back, there wasn’t a point in continuing it.”

“What do you do for the pain now?”

“To be honest, I cut myself.”

“You do?”

“Yes, but I promise, if you accept my offer, and go out with me, even once, I’ll quit. I’ll quit forever.”

“Do you, do you have anything on you?”

“Anything on me?”

“Yes, like something you use to hurt yourself.”

“Just one little blade in my wallet.”

“Give it here.”

“Why?”

“Just give it.”

“Fine.” He fished the blade out of his wallet and thought it over before handing it to her. This was it, she was finally accepting him for more than a friend. She could take away what had been hurting him, and in turn take him.

“Do you have any scars?”

“Yes, but I try to hide them as best I can.”

“Show me.”

“Okay, but lets get out of here, I trust you enough to show you that I do this, but I don’t want anyone else seeing.” He led her out of the ballroom and outside of the building to the small parking lot, and he took off his jacket and pulled up his sleeve high enough so she would be able to see where all his past wounds had been. She ran her finger across the lines of the scars, as if studying each one.

“Do they still hurt?”

“No, not anymore.”

“Why did you do it?”

“It took away the pain for the moment, but once again the effect wasn’t permanent. I don’t believe that there is any permanent way to get rid of pain.”

“But why would you cause physical pain if you’re trying to stop the pain?”

“Physical pain is much better than mental pain.”

“Did it clear the mental pain?”

“For a while.”

“So, does that make it okay that the whole time you’ve been talking I’ve been cutting this deeper and deeper into my hand?”

“What?” He looked down, sure enough in her hand was the blade he had given her, now causing red rubies of blood on her palm. He quickly grabbed the blade away, accidentally cutting his hand in the process.

“Girly, why would you do that?”

“Like you said, physical pain is better than mental pain.”

“What’s your mental pain?” He said, very worried about her by this time.

“All of this. I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do.”

“Whatever you do never hurt yourself again. I’m regretting even telling you now, if I would have known you were going to do this I would have never said anything.”

“No, I’m glad you did.”

“I’m not, I hate it that already I’ve caused it, maybe I should have just held it in a bit longer until I didn’t feel it anymore. Maybe I should just have kept it to myself until you left, then I wouldn’t even be able to tell you, and the problem would have been resolved on its own.”

“Stephan, there is no problem here.”

“There must be if you’re hurting yourself Girly. I- I need to go.”

“No please stay.” He looked back at her, seeing tears filling her eyes.

“I can’t. I don’t want you hurting yourself over me…I need to leave now, it’s better for both of us. I love you, I don’t want to see you hurt.” He said and they walked away into the night, leaving her there. He wasn’t able to look back, to have to see tears in those eyes, it was better that he just kept walking.