Modest Seduction - Book 7 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 8 - I need a chance to say

For one day - Evermore

I need a chance to say

They sit in silence on the floor of the elevator, she holds her hands in his and he touches her as if she were made of glass. There is silence, the only sound is her silent whimpers and the whirr of the elevator.

There is a loud ding, Niall looks away from her flushed face and to the door behind him. It opens, he let's go of her hands with hesitation and whispers, "Come on."

She looks up, her eyes smeared with mascara and dark, haunting circles.

Niall can't help but flinch, she's so different and he's frightened if he blinks she'll disappear. Deep down he knows he's been such a wreck, alcoholic and drunk with rage, despair. He worries this is all some sort of psychotic break, "you're really here?"

She slowly gets up, brushes her hands down the front of her oversize jumper and nods. "Yes."

"I'm sorry," he rubs at his eyes. "It's just, been so long."

She is studying his face, as she opens her mouth to reply she gazes at something behind him.

He turns, expecting to see the boys still on the roof. He does see them, with Liam and Jennifer's celebrant and Luke. Niall's stomach flips, the image of the boys holding hands with bright smiles and tear-filled eyes.

"They're–"

Dakota steps forward, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Niall beams. "Everything is finally right," he turns to her and smiles. He holds out his hand but she doesn't take it, as the doors begin to close he sticks out his hand.

He continues to watch as Harry bursts into tears, Luke is taking photos and the celebrant tells them to kiss. Niall swipes at his own eyes, suddenly overwhelmed with so much emotion, so much joy. He wants to scream, so happy for the two. After so much pain and heartache, all the loss and turmoil. Louis and Harry are saying 'I do.'

"They're getting married," he whispers.

"Who?" Dakota asks.

"Harry and Louis," he wipes his nose with the back of his sleeve.

"Now?" She looks over Niall's shoulder, furrows her brows. "Why?"

Niall laughed as he turned to look at her, "I wish I could explain it all, that would take a while."

"I wish I could remember," she replies.

He takes her hand, she tries to pull away but he doesn't let her. He holds on tighter, "You're not alone. Not with me by your side."

She stares at him, her eyes wide and filled with so much confusion. Niall wants to scream, what he would give to have her insulting him or shouting in his face. He misses the girl with the fire in her belly and how she was never afraid to say what she thought. He would give anything to go back to the days before she disappeared, make it right.

The elevator doors close, he drops her hand and leans against the wall. He takes in a long, deep breath. Memories flood his vision, he can almost taste her lips on his. He remembers the way they fought with so much passion, such fire. He loved her so much and wouldn't admit it, she admitted it but was so scared.

Niall wondered if he hadn't have walked away, if they weren't fighting at the hospital... "It's my fault," he whispered.

She was on the other side of the elevator with her forehead pressed to the wall. Her hands were pressed to the cold steel either side of her head. Dakota said nothing, her shoulders rose and fell.

"I wish I remembered enough to hate you, to blame you the way you blame yourself," she said so softly Niall opened his eyes barely able to catch her confession. "I wish I could yell at you, hurt you the way I used to, at least it would mean something."

"Here, now," He stepped forward, "...Means something."

She doesn't face him, "Does it?"

"Yes," He was breathless. "Seeing you alive, in the flesh means everything to me."

"It would be easier if I was dead," she said bluntly.

He was caught off guard, the words stunted him. Suddenly the space between them felt like an abyss, her lack of memory was a black hole of pain that he could feel getting wider. I miss you so much, his mind screams.

"Don't say that," Niall said after a long silence.

The elevator dinged, the doors opened to the foyer and neither moved.

"Don't ever say that," Niall said again and he stepped forward.

"If I were dead," she sucked in a deep breath. "At least then you could mourn what I was, who I was. Like this–" She shook her head. "I'm nothing, I have nothing and I've never felt more alone."

Niall closed his eyes, "Neither have I."

She turned around now, confused and her eyebrows raised. "But you have–"

He cut her off, "Nothing without you."

Her eyes widened, "You don't need to feel anything. I know you don't remember me, but I need you to know that you're never going to be alone. You're safe with me now, with all of us. We won't let anything happen to you ever again."

"You mean it?" She asked and stepped out of the elevator. "You're not just saying it like they were?"

"No!"

"Keeping you safe, knowing you're happy–" his voice broke.

"Niall?" She stared at him with a confused expression.

It pained him to see the lack of recognition in her eyes, to feel the emptiness between them. It agonised him to watch the way she moved and spoke, how it was so different from before. As he watched her, it became clear to him that maybe she never would be the girl he loved again. She had been born again, she was empty and perhaps without all the memories she would become someone new. Maybe she would make different choices.

Choices that didn't involve him.

Maybe she'd never fall in love with him again?

"Niall?" She broke his reverie.

He focused on her with a frown and his voice trembled, "–If you're happy and safe that's all I need. I know you might never remember me and if that means you find happiness with someone else, I'll accept that."

Every word he spoke broke his heart.

"I'm sorry I can't be that girl, the girl you love."

"Loved," he corrected her and it was like a knife to the chest.

She blinked, "Yes."

He checked his watch, it was dawn. "You can stay in my room, I'll sleep on the couch."

She nodded, her head bowed as she hid behind her hair.

He wanted to throw up, the realisation of this new future was more then he could bear. Niall slapped his hand on the level number eleven, the doors closed once more.

With the closing doors, so too did he close his heart. Niall vowed he would never feel this broken again, ever. He was done with love, he had to be done with it. Just like he had to be done with Dakota, his Dakota was gone.