What is Freedom?

Living Nightmare

I felt a hand wrap around my wrist instead of the adrenaile and fear of falling. I looked up into blue eyes that conveyed a mixture of anger, fear, and sorrow.

"I will not lose you this way again brother," he said, his voice as troubled as his eyes. "Give me your other hand." I looked from Thor to the abyss, then back to Thor. "Loki, please."

I reached my free hand up to grab his. As soon as his grip on my hands was firm, he began to pull me up and onto the Bifrost. I could feel myself trembling, and holding back the tears was becoming too much for me to handle. He just have noticed, too, because he said, "It's okay, Loki." His voice was purposfully calm and gentle, as if he were helping a small child down from a playset, not helping his once-brother up from the edge of the Bifrost.

Once I was standing safely on the rainbow bridge, Thor looked into my eyes and asked if I was alright. I didn't respond. I hadn't heard him. My mind was elsewhere. Back in the throne room. All at once I collapsed onto my knees, and the tears had forced their way out of my eyes. Once they began to fall, they would not stop. 

I could feel Thor put an arm around me. "It's okay, you're safe now.." I could hear his mumbles of comfort, but only as though his words were muffled by something. And anyways, his words did nothing to console me. 

I had no idea how much time had passed before I had run out of tears. I still had the feeling that nothing was reality. It was all a nightmare. Oh, but the pain was real. 

I let out a shaky breath and stood. Thor also stood, but did not remove his arm. I looked down at the Bifrost, not wanting to look him in the eyes. I wanted to leave, but I did not know where to go. Apperently, Thor did, because he said, "Come along," and lead me away from the bridge.

His solution was to go back inside the castle. Back to my room, more specifically. i was not thrilled by thid, but I was too emotionally exhausted to argue wiht him over it. Besides, he seemed to be more mentally stable than I was in the moment, so I forced myself to trust him.

I just stood there as he closed the door behind us. He must have expected me to move. I didn't think to until his hand was on my shoulder, and he lead me over to my black reclining chair that I used to sit on when i would read, seeing as the lighting was always best there during the day. 

"Sit," Thor said. And I did in an almost robotic manner. "How're you feeling?" he asked. I didn't respond. "Loki, please, talk to me."

"I don't know," responded after a while. I did not recognize my own voice. it sounded to broken and rough to be mine, but it was.

"what do you mean?" Thor asked, concern in his voice. 

I thought. "I mean that I do not know. All of my thoughts and emotions are all mixed together to create something that I cannot explain." I asssumed he either understood and did not have a reply, or did not understand, but didn't want to press me farther because he did not say anything after that.

It was a while of staring out into the distance before my eyelids became heavy and I began drifting into sleep due to mental exhaustion. I had been too niave to escape the nightmare that was my life to remember that waiting for me in the place where dreams should be were even more nightmares, each one more horrible than the last.