What is Freedom?

Happy Holidays

I snapped out of the nightmare and looked around for the the source of the scream. I looked at the floor, adn there lay Frigga, stab wound and all. I dropped to my kness beside her, a sickening feeling overcoming me. My breaths were short, my heart was pounding, and suddenly nothing felt real. This, too could be a nightmare... But I knew it wasn't.

"Oh Gods," I whispered, looking at the stab wound, which her hands were clasped over. I put one of my hand on top of hers, the other supporting her head and keeping it from hitting the ground. "I-I'm so.. I'm sorry.. I didn't.. I didn't know what I was.." I couldn't find the words to speak, even though I knew time was of the essence. I swallowed and took a deep breath before trying again. "I'm so sorry, mother. I-It was a nightmare, I swear I didn't mean to..." 

"It's okay, my son..." she managed to say weakly. Four, short, simple words, and yet they meant the world to me, as they were spoken with her last breath.

"No... Mother... " I mumbled, shaking her a bit. "Don't.. don't do this.. don't- don't die.. There were so many things I-I still needed to tell you.."Then the tears came. I pulled her limp body into an embrace. "I am so, very, truely sorry for everything... Please... Please, mother..." 

"Mother, I heard a scream so I-" Thor stopped mid-sentence, but I payed him no mind. "Loki, what happened?"

"I... I didn't..." I could not tell him. I could not tell Thor that his mother was dead, nor that it was I who had killed her. How would you do such a thing? He would be furious with me. Not only that, but i couldn't accept the fact of her death myself.

'She's okay.. she's not gone.' I thought. 'When I wake from this nightmare, there she will be. Happy Holidays, mother. Happy Holidays.'

Thor placed a hand on my shoulder. He was trembling, and I hadn't even told him yet. Imagine when he found out...

"Brother, get up," he said as calmly as he could manage. I shook my head in refusal. I could not leave her here, but he persisted. "Loki, you need to get up. We need to go now. I will send for someone."

"No... NO!" I yelled, turning to him. "I can't... I can't leave her here, Thor. I just... I can't! I.." I took a deep, shakey breath. 

Thor made his way to me, standing in front of me. He bent down and gently grabbed my hand. It was then that I realized that is was not his hand that was trembling, but mine. My entire body was trembling, for that matter. 

Then he said, in a voice so gentle he might have been speaking to a child, "It is okay, Loki, but we have to go now." He pulled my hand a bit, and I reluctantly stood, following as he lead me down the endless hallway and into my room. "I'm going to go find someone. Can you stay here for a few minutes alone?" he asked in the same gentle voice. I nodded, even though I had only heard the words, not listened to them. With that he left the room in a rush. 

I only stood there, tears streaming down my face. My body racked with a sob every now and then, and eventually standing became to much of a task for me, so I sunk to the floor with my back to a wall. Those 'few minutes' became an eternity. It was forever before I heard thor's voice ouside, but he was conversing with someone else. Someone with a voice I did not recognize.

"Prince Thor, he was the only one there. He needs to be interogated," said the voice. 

"I know," Thor replied. i could tell by his voice that he was holding back tears of his own. "Just let me talk to him. Let me ask him the wuestions. It is unlikely he will tell you much, if anything. I know how to deal with him."

The other person sighed. "Fine, but if you are biast with your information..."

I could only assume that he nodded before entering the room. "Hey, Loki..." He knelt next to me, and I tried to compose myself. I knew what he was going to ask, and I had to be ready to answer. "I just need to ask you a few things about what happened, okay?" I took a few deep breaths and nodded a little, knowing I had to get this over with. "Do you mind telling me what happened?" he asked.

He expected me to say that I wanted to see her early, but someone was there, and they stabbed her and got away, or that she'd screamed, and I had found her like that. He would want to go on asking if I saw the attacker, what they looked like, what she was stabbed with, what I was doing... Never would he have guessed this, would he?

"Thor, I.." But when I looked up into his eyes, filled with despair,devistation, and tears, I lost it. i began to cry again. He hugged me, but it did nothing to console me. All I could get out were a few words. "I didn't mean to... I didn't.. I didn't know..."

The reality of it struck him. "Nightmares..?" he asked, adn when I nodded, he began to cry, too.

"I didn't.. I didn't mean to.. I swear."

"I know," he comforted. "I know you didn't..."

But no matter how many times I protested that I didn't mean to, or how many times Thor said he knew I didn't, I couldn't help but hate myself. The monster that killed Frigga.