What is Freedom?

Remember?

My eyes snapped open. I was in my room. Thor had not left. I could tell without breaking my stare at the celing because I felt his hand resting on my arm, as it had been when I'd slipped into the Land of Nightmares. He'd been trying to comfort me and must have fallen asleep aswell.

I looked down at his sleeping form, his head using the edge of the chair as a pillow. I slowly moved his hand off of my arm and stood, walking over to the window and opening the blinds. It was late night or extremely early morning, judging by the sky. I let out a sigh and began pacing, something I did often. I tried to recap what had happened, so I wouldn't be too confused and I could figure out what to do next.

'Thor didn't know I was disowned. He went to talk to Odin. I decided to leave. How did I end up in the throne room?' I thought silently. 'Aah, yes. I fell. Note to self; do not get caught up in others conversations so as you make a fool of your self.' I sighed.

'What next... Odin and I fought. I was hanging off the Bifrost... Why?' I racked my brain for a few minutes as I pieced it together backwards. 'I jumped... I was running... Why was I running? Had it been like the Day of Falling? When I was no longer able to take anymore and found my solution in the abyss..?' That is what I'd concluded. It also brought me to a note-to-self: Try to not be so rash and/or suicidal.

Afterwards I simply sat on the edge of my bed. There was nothing to keep my thoughts from wondering off, and so I hummed a little tune that I vaguely remembered. A song from my youth. The lyrics has escaped me, but the tune was there, and had been there through all the years of imprisonment. I was so caught up in the tune that I hadn't noticed Thor had woken, and he was looking at me. When I did notice, I cut the tune off.

"I remember that song," he commented. "Mother would sing it to us when we were children."

"You seem to remember alot of things I do not," was my reply. "For instance our lives before your coronaton..."

There was silence, which I hated, but I didn't dare hum any more. I stared at the floor, praying that the horror of my mind wouldn't take over. Thor didn't give it a chance.

"Perhaps I can help with that," Thor said. I could tell he had to try extremely hard to not tack 'brother' onto the end of it. That bothered me. "Tell me what you do remember, and I'll fill in the blanks."

I sighed. Should I give in? He only had the intentions of helping, and I supposed he'd been hurt enough that week. Not that I hadn't been, but I figured it best to play along. "Fine," I sighed. What was my first memory? How far back could I go? "Let's see..." I mumbled. This would take some thought. "I suppose my first memory is when you, Odin, and I would take those trips down to the lake and stay down there for a few days..." I saw a small smile form on his lips.

"That's right," he said, " Once while we were down there we encountered a bildesnipe.. Do you remember that?"

I thought. No matter how hard I thought, I could not remember encountering a bildesnipe on one of those trips, so i voiced this. "No, however, I do remember when you dragged me out on one of your little adventures when we were but teenagers,and we encountered one..." I let a small smirk form here. "And I saved your life."

He laughed. "Oh, please! I could have fought the beast off, even had you not used your magic!"

"Oh, is that so?" I said with a light chuckle. "Because you seemed pretty terrified for your life! I remember your screaming like a little girl!"

"Then your memory doesn't serve you correct, after all. It was a Warrior's Battle cry!"

"Yes, while you ran from the beast!" It was then that I realized that I was smiling. An actual smile. When had the last time I'd smiled been? I tried to hide my notice of the smile by saying, "I suppose we're even now."

"What do you mean?" Thor asked, a smile still prominent. He stood and walked me, and sat next to me on the edge of the bed. 

"I saved you from the bildesnipe, and you saved me from falling just yesterday." After I said this I thought. "It was yesterday, correct? Time seems to always get jumbled up in my head..."

His smile was gone. "Yes, it was yesterday...Which reminds me, why did you jump?" His eyes bore into me again. They always did that. even in our youth, whihc is one more thing I remember. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. To respond for that matter. "Loki, you can tell me."

"I.." I began, but I couldn't bring myself to finish. The feeling I'd felt so many times before consumed me. He would think I was weak if I told him. That I was trying to take the easy way out. I'd always been the weaker baby brother. Always just the weaker baby brother. Another memory.

"Do you remember when you forced me to attend warrior training with you? I didn't want to because I knew what would happen, but you insisted. Everyone there was good at it already. You, Hogun, Fandral, Volstagg, Sif... And I hadn't fought or trained. 'Oh, no, brother, you'll be fine!' you kept telling me. And I believed you, too. Until I was nearly killed by one of the Warriors, so I used my magic. They never let me live that down. I was taking the easy way, they said. I was too weak to fight like a real warrior. 'Real warriors fight with their swords and shields, and they die a warrior's death. There is no magic!' I was so sick of the taunting, the never ending taunting. So I locked myself away in here with my books for a while. And once more I was taking the easy way out of my problems, hiding from them. Even you thought I was weak because of this. Do not deny it. I saw it in the same eyes that pierce into me now! You thought i was weak. And that," I said with a sigh. "Is why I cannot tell you."

It took him a while to let this sink in. Then he finally replied, "I did not know how much my actions hurt you, bro-..." He knew to stop himself. "However, that was then when my actions and thoughts were persuaded by my peers. Not like now, Loki. You can say what you need to." He paused again. "I think I understand what you mean, though. That you..." He couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Didn't exactly intend to land safely on another realm?" i finished for him. "No. I did not."

And then without warning he did something that I guess I'd been wishing he'd do. I'd been subconsiosly waiting since forever. He hugged me, and in that hug I found the comfort I'd been looking for since Valhalla knows when. And I owed him for it.