What is Freedom?

Try

It was then that we saw it. It was easily thrice our size. Its teeth were sharp, bared at us, as the beast let out a deafening roar. Thor stood, unaware of what had made the sound, or that the one who had made such a noise was charging at him. Immediately I'd yelled, "BROTHER!" He turned, but almost too late. By the time Mjolnir had been summoned, the Bildesnipe would have gotten to him. Luckily, it hadn't. I'd used my magic to create a force field in front of him. It wasn't near strong enough to hold the beast off for long, only for that small moment. By the time the beast had recovered, Thor was ready with his hammer. I didn't give him the time to use his might on the Bildsnipe. I pulled him away, knowing that he would only get himself, and possibly me, injured... or worse. He was strong, fast, and an excellent warrior, but the Bildesnipe could still have easily have torn him apart, and I did not want to risk losing my brother. It was his rash thinking and pride that pulled him away from me and toward the beast. 'We should never have come against Father's will,' I found myself thinking. Thor was giving his all against the beast, getting some good swings and throws of his hammer in. I took a moment to think, but I was quickly snapped out of my strategic thoughts by a cry that pierced through the air like a knife. The Bildesnipe was charging at him once more, this time with his sharp antlers ready to stab Thor through the chest. It was then that my own rash thouhts and actions threw me in front of Thor, in front of the Bildesnipe. I soon felt the pain in my chest as the antlers--

"Brother?" came Thor's voice from outside my door. I closed my journal from all those many years ago and looked up at the door.

"Yes.." I replied. My head was still spinning from the memories I hadn't remembered until then, and the adreniline of the past situation was making my heart pound harder than it should have been. As if I had just lived the incident instead of re-lived it.

He opened the door slightly. "Do you mind my company?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I could actually..." use some company. But I couldn't say it. i couldn't let him know I needed him. It was, as I called it, 'my wall' that refused to allow anyone access to my thoughts and/or feelings.

"You could actually...?" he pressed on.

"Never mind," I said with a sigh.

Thor opened the door the rest of the way and entered, then shutting the door behind him. He walked over to where I was sitting in my chair. "What's that?" he asked.

"Just... Some old journal," I replied nonchalantly.

"May I see?" was his next question

"I would rather you not." I stood and set the journal back on a shelf with the others. "Why have you come?"

"Just to check up on you," he replied. "I mean after yesterdays events I thought..."

I didn't mean that I didn't want his company, but I wasn't used to having people actually want to be around me.

"No, it's fine.." I said. "I was just wondering."

"How are you doing?" he asked, knowing that if I said I was fine, it would be a lie. I said I was fine anyways, despite myself. He just nodded, understanding that I simply didn't want to tell him how I felt. He was always very excepting of those things.

It was a while of silence before Thor spoke again. "Broth-..." he stopped himself.

"No," I muttered, looking from the floor to him. "Continue."

"Brother," continued, unsure of himself. "You must know I'm always here for you, no matter the case."

"I know," I mumbled, looking back to the floor. He had a way of making even me feel guilt for pushing him away.

"Do you?" he asked. "Because it seems to me that you do not. Especially since you did not have the faith in me to know I would not have disowned you."

"You were there," I explained. "Well, a projection of you.. And He said that he had your consent. I had faith in you and Frigga until that point." Then a thought struck me. "Speaking of the Queen, why has she not come to visit her 'dearest son'?"

At my sarcasm he shot me a glare, but he answered me nonetheless. "Mother does not know of your release; I heard it by accident from a guard."

"Well then," I said, "Perhaps we should pay her a visit."

"Loki, I do not think that wise. You know as well as I that you would lash out at her, despite her love for you."

"Perhaps so, perhaps not. You shall never find out if we do not go, Thor." I was anxious to see her, though I realized that what Thor had said was true. I would have lashed out upon her.

"Loki, we are not going," he stated. "However, if I think you can handle it.... I shall allow you to see her during the Holidays and then after." I looked to him, telling him with my eyes that this was not fair, that I was as much a man as he and could make my own desicions. This did not alter his opinion. "Brother, you are not ready. I am only trying to protect you, an your relationship to Frigga." And I knew this to be true, so I argued with him no more.

"How long is it until the Holidays?" I asked, realizing that I still hadn't any grasp of time's passing.

"A week from now," he answered. "But I have faith that, if you trust me, you will be ready to face her."

"Trust you?" I chuckled, letting a mocking a heart-felt expression form on my face. "What, do expect me to open up, share with you some deep, dark secrets, and through spending time with my dearest brother and voicing my true emotions I can finally come to peace with myself and my past?" I let the expression fall from my face. "Please, Thor. I am not so niave. I may have told you some things in the early morning, but do not expect it to become habitual."

"I did not intend to hint that you were niave, Loki, but the least you can do is help me to understand you," he said, shooting me a look. "And this is what I mean. You cannot contain your sarcasm and hurtful words toward me, and I cannot imagine the words you would have with mother."

I simply rolled my eyes. "Then what do you want from me?"

"I'm not asking you to tell me secrets or voice your emotions, only that you talk to me as you did in our youth. Do you remember those days? When we were insperable. Brothers, bound together. It seems that since the second Battle of Jöutenheim, our relationship has changed. You would have never lashed out on me then," he pointed out. "Do not give me your speach on sentimentality. I do not see you as a memory of our childhood. I see you as my brother then, and my brother now. If we can not talk as brothers and act like brothers, then there is not hope for you to mend our broken relationship. And if you cannot manage to do that, then I do not expect you to be able to mend your relationship with Frigga, who loves you just as much as I do. I just ask that you try. Try to talk to me. Try to be the brother you once were, and in turn I will try to be the brother I once was to you."

I hesitated. "What do you wish to talk about?"

Thor thought for a moment before asking, "Why is it that you want to see mother so bad?"

"I suppose... I suppose I..." I couldn't finish, for I did not know. It took a few minutes time before I answered. "I just... need to see her." It was a short and vague answer, I know, but it was true. For some unexplainable reason, I knew I had to see her, and I hoped she felt the same.