What is Freedom?

Week 'Til Holiday- Part One

~Seven Days~

"Anything else you wish to know? Or shall I have to start a conversation?" I asked.

"Would you mind my asking what happened after you fell from the Bifrost?" Thor clearly didn't understand the weight of that question, for I had not answered it, and I did not wish to.

"You're not there yet," I responded.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his brow furrowing in curiosity.

"I don't feel comfortable enough around you to tell you yet," I replied honestly.

"We'll have to fix that," Thor commented. "In the mean time, what do you not mind speaking about?"

I thought. "Anything that does not revolve around anything before your corrnation," I answered finally. He sighed and tried to find a topic of conversation.

"You were reading through your journals when I came in. Things of the past. How much of the past do you actually remember?" he finally asked.

"Much more after refreshing my memory... but only some things," was my reply.

"Such as?" he asked.

"Such as... the full details of our Bildesnipe encounter," I began. "And your coming-of-age party, during which there were fireworks and Fandral nearly caught himself on fire..." He chuckled at this. "And how you hardly ever spoke to me in our teenage years, so I stayed in my room all the time...."

His smile faded. "What?"

"Never mind it, Thor..." Dispite this, he pressed on.

"No, what do you mean I hardly ever talked to you? I remember us being the best of friends in our teenage years!" Oh, sweet, niave, Thor, who stilled believed himself to be the perfect brother. It was time he realized the truth.

"Actually, I stand corrected. We did speak. I would walk up to you, Lady Sif, and the Warriors three. 'Hello, brother! Mind if I join you?' 'Not today, Loki. I'm with my friends. Do you not have spells to learn?'" I let out a sarcastic laugh. "Great memories! Oh! Oh! How about the time you completely forgot my birthday, and Frigga had to remind you? That was wonderful!" I could see his face contorting into a frown, so I continued. "And how could I forget your favorite words of all time, 'No, Loki!' I heard those words often. When I wanted to go on an adventure with you, 'No, Loki.' When I would talk to you, 'Not now, Loki.' Your friends weren't the nicest either, to be honest."

"Loki.. I-I'm so sor-" I did not let him finish.

"No, it's fine, Thor, really. I found my own solution. See, you didn't notice, but for an entire year, I had only come out of my room to eat. My books and my journals were the companions to me that you never wanted to be."

"Loki... I never realized that I... I'm so sorry..." he said, the guilt evident in his voice and expression.

"You should be, Thor!" I blurted out. "I looked up to you! As my older brother, and as my role model! I wanted to be just like you. I always did. I would steal your cape in youth, I would always want to be around you. Even to the point of attempting to take over a realm, just so I could be your equal, and you never knew! You spent time with me up until our sixteenth year, and then you abandoned me, Thor. You don't realize..." I took a deep breath there. "You don't realize how much that hurt me. I know you didn't mean it that way. You never do. But you were my only friend, Thor. Did you know that? You were my only friend." My voice became almost a whisper as I said, "And you abandoned me."

I looked away, knowing what I had just done. I had let my wall slip again. It was hard not to around Thor. Around Odin, around the Warriors, around anyone else, I was fine. But not around Thor. It was sentiment, and it was pulling me down. I had told him that it would not become habitual of me to let my emotions slip, and yet I had let them slip again. I said the only thing I could in that moment:

"Leave me."

~Six Days~

I had scolded myself all the day before. How could I have let such a thing happen? That is why I found an empty journal, and wrote in it, like I had used to do. I nearly filled three-fourths of the journal on my rant, and had stayed up all night until I'd felt the anger leave me. Despite this, I was not tired, just mentally exhausted, per usual. I had come to the conclusion that I needed to speak with Thor about what had happened, so I dared to leave my room.