Apples Don't Just Mean School [in process of rewriting]

The Journal Of Matthew Harper

Darling, and when you feel like hope is gone/Just run into my arms ~ Charlie Puth, One Call Away

The Journal Of Matthew Harper

1st September

It was cloudy today. I was almost late for school again. Thankfully, I reached before seven. Phew. It feels weird without Emily here. There's no more 'accidental' meetings in the lifts to carefully plan. Boring... Amelia's been trying to help curb the sudden emptiness our esteemed colleague has left behind, and Jeremy's all moody. Arthur... is Arthur. Usual British-ness, etc. Louis and Diane have been talking - read, arguing - a lot in the Staff Room. *ship intensifies*

9R was super rowdy today, and I was very disappointed in them. They quietened down drastically after I glared at them. They were wishing each other good luck for exams. Seriously, how does shaking your friend's hand bring you luck? Honestly, I can't see sense in this action. It is pretty pointless, really. I wonder if any of my pupils think the same way? I suppose at least ONE of them should. I hope. They should really mature at this age.

Yes, I DID do that at their age but I realised the idiocy soon enough. Anyway, I feel like going out today. It's autumn and the leaves are turning red. It's sad that Emily won't be here for the annual masquerade. It's always great fun to stick around with the gang - now minus Jenna :( - and watch the kids whirl around on the dance floor. It's surprising how they can dance. I wonder if 9R will dance this year? It will be hilarious fun.

I've been elected to help out in the dance. Seriously, why? Now I have to help with the decorations... I mean, I LIKE helping but why the DANCE? Ugh. At least I get to pick the songs... Mwahahaha, the kids will have a hard time moving to Coldplay. I'll pick that :D I'm sure at least SOME of them will appreciate it. If only Emily was here, she'd do a great job handling the masquerade. I kind of wanted to invite her. But I'd NEVER admit that.

Well, I can't wait for the exams to be over. The kids are super stressed and I'm getting a little stressed as well. On the chat group, they're spamming about 'revision' and 'notes' and 'tuition'. Some of them are even yammering on about extra classes! They're only fifteen, and they're studying stuff that's for 12th graders. Talking about quarks and baryons and mesons... I'm quite pleased that they're so willing to learn. 

They are complaining so much about their new English teacher... Mr James Willis, I think his name was. They're too used to Emily's standard. No one's a better teacher than Emily in SCH. She's a really fabulous English teacher. Oh, well, they have to pull through, I guess. Besides, I need to concentrate on prepping them in biology. I DO teach them some chemistry as well in my classes... Should I just scrap that and focus on bio? Chem DOES make the class interesting...

Steinfield is - and forever will be - an idiot. He doesn't deserve to be 9R's Physics teacher, much less the principal. I have to chide the kids online when they complain about that moron but... well, I feel that way too. It IS a bit hypocritical, after all. Ah well, I still have to guide them gently... But Steinfield really went too far when he cancelled the Teachers' Retreat AND spouted a bunch of nonsense on TV when those reporters interviewed him about the fire...

The charred remains of 9R's old classroom is haunting. I went up there today, when no one was watching. True, it's out of bounds to EVERYONE, but I don't really care. In the classroom, I found a pack of matches, miraculously not burnt, behind the dustbin. Could someone have set fire to the school? The police merely brushed this off as an 'accident' but I don't think so. Who could have wanted to kill us? It's terrifying.

In the old classroom, I also picked up a small scrap of paper, with the words: and I will go to 9R's c <something> to put the b <something> in the dus <something> then X can hide in the t <something>. I can't make out anything else. So far, I've managed to guess this small, helpful bit: and I will go to 9R's classroom to put the box in the dustbin, then X can hide in the toilet. It makes sense. But does it pertain to the fire? 

The handwriting is neat, small and blocky. It COULD be a girl's handwriting, but I have a strong suspicion it's a boy. It has the look of a meticulously written guy's handwriting. A girl won't press down the pen so hard in order to achieve that neat lettering. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Then again, who is X? It's such a cliché codename that I'm mentally face palming. This isn't narrowing down the options. There are over two thousand pupils in this school, and about a thousand are boys.

I've got to stop writing here, my phone is buzzing...

Later

Emily just called me. She said that she wrote her first article for the New York Times and that she's settled well. She even invited me to New York over the upcoming school holidays. That would be fun, so I accepted. I can't say no to her... Then she had to go. The phone call was about two minutes long... Though I don't know why I paid so much attention to details. It's probably just the enthusiasm. She didn't say anything about a letter. Maybe she hasn't received it...

I feel kind of abandoned, actually. Emily's left, Jenna's gone forever, everyone's acting weird. Sometimes, I catch myself feeling the hopelessness in life. It's pointless to live in a world where your closest friends are going away, one by one. Leia's been trying to comfort me, but she doesn't understand. I'm too attached to my friends... And it backfires on me when they're gone. Maybe this world isn't for me. Maybe I should go. But I can't leave the kids... They'll probably have a better teacher if I leave. 

I feel like I'm not being the best teacher I can be. I'm pretty much a failure in this world. I've dated twice, heart's been broken both times. Perhaps... perhaps I should leave everyone here to join Jen where ever she is now. It would be a comfort, really... A break from this tragedy forever. 

A/N: Hi! Sorry, I thought it'd be time for sadness her in ADJMS. Again :) It's a sad book, okay? I'm a depressed person at times - and I'm NOT romanticising it - so... Well, when one is sad, make a character sadder! Right? RIGHT? Anyway, see you later, bye!