night changes

nineteen

"13 pounds and 23.6 inches!" Kasey said as wrote down the numbers on Asher's chart they had made the last time he was in. "He's doubled his birth weight which is great! He had to do a little catch up but he's progressing nicely!"

"What was his birth weight?" I asked Kasey picking him up from the scale, holding his naked body he didn't really like all that much.

"He was weighed in at 6.7, he was just a little guy!" Kasey said leading me back into our previous room where I laid Asher on the examination table.

"I'm sorry about skipping out on your three month appointment, we got a little busier then I expected in October." I told Kasey not liking the fact I was going through this all again. I was informed that there were going to be shots at the end of this appointment and I hated seeing Asher so in distress.

"Honestly the only reason we wanted to see him again so early was because of his low weight. We usually don't do three month check ups but we were a tab worried about his weight but, he seems to be doing just great." Kasey said as she listened to his heart beat through her stethoscope. Checking up on Asher's lungs and heart.

"So how is he sleeping?" Kasey asked me while she then went on to check his eyes for as Asher followed her finger movements.

"He sleeps mostly through the night, the only time he wakes up is if he needs to be changed." I answered happy that I wasn't having to get up as frequently with Asher to feed him anymore. Most nights he slept through the night with the exception of a diaper change now and then.

"Perfect! He's four months now so he should be sleeping through the night. I bet it's nice getting some sleep." Kasey giggled while she inspected Asher's ears and mouth which he didn't really seem to like all that much since he began to wiggle a little more.

"How much does he eat?" She asked and it felt nice to be able to answer her questions without a doubt unlike last time when I struggled to answer basic questions about him.

"He eats about every 3 to 5 hours, normally drinking anywhere from 4 to 6 ounces of formula." She moves on to examine his mouth to check for what she said was Thrush, an oral yeast infection.

"And what kind of sounds does he make?" She asked me as I thought about all the ways he has communicated with me. He was often very smiley and loved to laugh and squeal which I found very cute.

"He laughs, squeals, coos, and he babbles to himself a lot." I told her looking at Asher who kept his concentrated gaze on Kasey who was checking up on him. He looked like he didn't know how to feel as he watched her check his reflexes and muscle tone.

"Where's your smile honey?" Kasey asked Asher whose brows were furrowed at her. Pressingly lightly on his tummy he began to kick both his legs unsure if he liked what she was doing. "Can you give me a smile? I know you have one!"

"So when are you taking me on a real date?" Kasey asked out of no where keeping her attention on Asher as she ripped the tabs off his diaper.

"What?" I asked not knowing if I heard that right as she inspected his little baby parts making him wiggle and kick since he didn't like being exposed.

"I mean, when are you going to ask me out?" Kasey said to me taking Asher's legs and rolling them to make him stop whining.

"I don't know, I like to keep you guessing." I told her totally caught off guard by Kasey's forwardness.

"You have great hips baby! Yes you do!" Kasey cooed to Asher strapping his diaper back on. "He's doing great by the way, now we move onto the less desirable part."

"Oh I have a question for you." I told Kasey as she went into the cupboard to grab the vaccines she would need for Asher. Washing her hands and getting prepped.

"And what is that?" She slipped on a pair of blue rubber gloves.

"Is it normal for babies his age to have extreme separation anxiety?" I remembered to bring this up since Halloween night when Asher had a freak out the entire time I was absent from him.

"I mean babies and children will have separation anxiety to some extent because they don't understand the concept of you coming back. They only understand you leaving and babies are smart, they know when you are getting ready to leave as well, which can often times lead to their anxiety building but what I can suggest to help ease that is a blanket or a stuffed animal. If you ever have to leave you can give that to him and over time it can help to soothe him and take him to a comfortable place while you are away." Kasey suggested answering my question to the best of her ability. I could get my mind off her question to me.

I hadn't whole heartedly thought about asking my baby's nurse out on a date. I hadn't been in a steady relationship in ages and I was still deciding if I could even hold one down in the first place. I had trust issues because of other people like me, I used to be with a different girl every other night.

"So this time we've got one oral and two regular shots. So let's start with the easy first." I stood up from my seat to watch Asher shake his head from swallowing the clear vaccine.

"You got this buddy!" I cheered trying to get him to smile which I had achieved when he saw me come over into his eye sight. I can't believe he was now four months old now, it felt like just yesterday he was set on my doorstep.

"There's that perfect smile! Just like Daddy!" There Kasey went again! I didn't know quite what to say when she made comments like this so I refrained from saying anything at all.

Coughing once he had finished the clear vaccine Kasey popped open the clear case with the two needles I didn't even want to look at. Swabbing his leg with alcohol to clean it she looked at Asher with pouty lips.

"I'm sorry I have to do this to you! I'll be quick okay?" Kasey told him as she looked over at me, "Ready?"

"No not really." I breathed feeling the anxiety beat in my chest knowing that Asher was about t experience pain from the needle piercing his skin.

"1...2...3!" The needle objecting into Asher's upper calf once she pushed the clear liquid into him. Covering it with a bandaid as Asher kicked his other leg that wasn't being held down, holding his breath as his face turned red with irritation.

"Why isn't he breathing?!" I asked Kasey in distress as she poked him with the other needle.

"Asher honey?" Kasey spoke when she noticed Asher was holding his breath from crying out. His body flushing a blue color causing me to go into a full blown panic attack.

"He isn't breathing damn it!" I raged pacing around as Kasey tried to coax him into taking a breath.

"Asher...." She spoke as I watched my little baby boy pass out and close his eyes from the lack of oxygen.

"Asher!!" I screamed afraid of his blue coloring as I went over to him to see Kasey immediately pull her stethoscope out to check his heart beat. "Asher!" Sweat formed in all areas of my body as I went to hold his tiny hand in my large one.

"God damn it! Do something!" I shot at Kasey as she took her stethoscope away from the baby's chest.

note// Aw shit whats happening?! Predictions? Thoughts?