night changes

thirty- four

Flashback

Keira's POV

We were drunk stumbling up to his apartment, trying to tip toe even though we were making more noise trying to be quiet. I didn't plan for things to turn out like this, he was loved by many while I struggled to be relevant. A girl like me shouldn't have been with a guy like him but when you add alcohol into the equation and the fact that we were college kids, things change. I was 19 at the time and looking for something that I couldn't reach. He was 20 and had everything figured out, with being a talented lacrosse player and having friends who where there 100 percent, it was hard not to be envious.

I brushed up against him as we came into the lobby of the apartment complex, a tired middle aged woman staring us down as we drunkenly babbled to each other. The snow flakes that covered over the top of my head evoked a shiver from me as goosebumps rose to the top of my skin. It was the end of November, the winter was settling into the New York atmosphere. Making it to the elevator I looked back at him giggling when I realized how red the tip of his nose was. We were both frozen from the dropping temperatures outside that any temperature higher then outside felt nice to us.

He looked back at me with those perfect jade green eyes that every girl had talked about. They were even more magnificent in person, the way his eyes captured emotion encased so much beauty. I had never been with someone who was as beautiful as him, mostly because I wasn't they type that a guy like him would go for. Even now standing this elevator I wondered how this was all even possible, I wasn't this girl.

I was the girl with blue hair, the girl who wore oversized band tees and was now dabbling into the world of drugs. I wasn't smart by any means. I had come to college mostly to try and figure out who I was and how I was to fit into society. I was an outcast and besides Madison, I had no one in my corner. Not even my own parents could see I was begging to be accepted by someone, anyone for that matter. I craved for that feeling of belonging and I wanted it so bad I was willing to do just about anything to get it.

"Are your friends home?" I whispered giggling as Harry jiggled the lock for us to enter into his living space. Everything was dark but light wasn't needed.

"No..." I felt him grab my hand and in the next minutes we were ripping each others clothes off. Throwing them carelessly into the darkness of his bedroom I could only assume. His lips attach to mine and I falter at his touch alone. Snaking my arms around his bare torso I pull myself closer to his body until space is non existent between us.

Heavy breathing accompanies us as soon as he lays me on the bed. Hands above my head he holds them there by my wrist while I indulge myself in kisses he passionate gave to me. I began to sweat from all the activity happening, everything was moving so quickly. I could feel everything as Harry began thrusting into me. I could feel the sheets bean the my body and our skin to skin contact, everything was heightened.

Was this what I was searching for all along? I knew I wanted a sense of belonging but was this what it meant to belong? We barely knew each other and from our short sober conversation I wouldn't say we know each other well at all. I knew more about him then he did me, before tonight he most likely had no idea I had existed. It wasn't his fault however, no one really knew my name. I was more or less a ghost to everyone.

In high school I fought hard to be liked but when people saw how hard I was trying the opposite effect happened. I was friendless and for that I was a lone wolf most my life, I had to be my own best friend. Others who didn't know me, made up preconceived ideas of me due to my families financial situation, they though because my parents had money I was automatically stuck up. If anything that hindered me in making friends since others assumed I thought I was better then them. I carried a lot of weight when it came to my family and being with Harry took that all away. With him I was forgetting all the hurt and living in the moment, I didn't care that my parents saw me as a complete fuck up.

In their eyes I was their loser daughter who was turning to drugs to suppress her feelings and emotions. They didn't condone that however and I was given hefty punishments each time I did do any drugs. It was there way of keeping control over me, I was always under their control.

Moaning in the darkness I felt Harry again thrusting into me, causing me to forget all my thoughts. I clawed at his back as a feeling ignited inside me that burned like a fire. I wonder if this would all last when I woke up tomorrow morning.

+

Eyes peeling open in the early morning, I saw through the blinds that the sun was just starting to rise over the tops of the skylines. Everything was peaceful in the wake of the morning where I turned my attention to Harry. He was breathing lightly, turned away from me as the white sheets covered his mid back. Back moving up and down as he took in air and let it go, I watched his back muscles tense and relax from his breathing.

I scanned my eyes over the room to find my stray clothing that had been ripped from my body only a couple of hours ago. The image of it still fresh in my mind as I stood up completely nude to begin gathering my clothing. For some reason a deep embarrassment settled over me as I throw my Ramones band tee over my head. This was all a mistake and I should have known better but like the child I was, I couldn't help myself. Trying to find something I so desperately sought out, again I found that it wasn't here.

Pulling up my black skinny jeans I took one last look at the boy I had just spent the night with. Even though  knew his name, he probably could even remember the fort letter of mine. I had made a huge mistake and I was taking full responsibility for my actions. I shouldn't have done what I did with Harry last night but I had and there was nothing I could do to change that now. I was vulnerable to feeling and that was all I wanted, I wanted to feel a love even if it was superficial. I knew Harry didn't love me but I wanted to think that as he was pleasuring me.

Gathering my things and being fully dressed once again I closed Harry's door and walked out feeling completely embarrassed by what had happened. Not only did I regret everything, but I had missed curfew and would pay the price if that when I get home. I took the walk of shame to the elevator was I pressed the button and rode all the way down.