Permissive

Chapter 5

(Camila)

"Camila, what were you thinking?!" Sam questioned as soon as they entered the car.

"Calm down, Sam," Camila told him softly, buckling her seat and turning the AC on.

Sam huffed, turning the ignition before he started driving. Camila keep her hands on her lap as she stared out of the window.

"I thought that you'd stay away from her. . ." Sam said, glancing at Camila before returning his gaze on the road.

"I know I told you that, but," Camila paused, playing with the hem of her shirt as she sighed, "It's hard, y'know?"

"It's because you're making it hard. You're the only one who's making it hard."

"I don't want to stay away from her."

"Then tell her the truth," Sam encouraged Camila.

Camila tensed up for a minute before she bit her lip, "I. . .can't," she admitted.

"You're playing with her feelings, Camila," Sam said, "I'm mad at the both of you."

"I'm scared, Sam," Camila confessed, "She don't want me because I'm with you, but I told her I love her."

"She thinks that you're cheating, Mila. Of course she wouldn't want that. Although it surprised me to know that she rejected you," Sam pulled the car on the side when they reached their apartment.

"She still loves me."

"Then why are you scared? She loves you and you love her. As simple as that," Sam began unbuckling his seat before he retrieved his car key.

"It's not that simple, Sam," Camila's shoulder slumped, leaning the back of her head on the headrest.

"Enlighten me," Sam challenged, shifting from his seat to look at Camila.

"I'm afraid that what happened in the past will happen again if we chose to be together. It's not that simple because five year ago, we both love each other, but the odds drove us apart. What if this time won't be different?"

"Oh Camila, dear," Sam reached for Camila's hand and gently squeezed it, "I'm also scared for you, you know? I'm scared that Lauren will hurt you again. That you would waste your life crying over her. I was there when you went through shits in your life because she cheated on you and that's what made you leave her. It broke me, Mila. Seeing you like that. And I don't think that I would survive it if it happens again," he said as he began soothing Camila's knuckles.

"So. . .does that mean. . .that you don't approve me being with her?"

Sam shook his head, "That's not what I was implying, baby," he cleared, "What I'm saying is, you'll gonna hurt her if you keep doing this."

"How am I gonna hurt her?" Camila asked, confusion written all over her face as her eyebrows furrowed.

"You're lying to her, Mila. Now, I don't know what happened between you two but if you keep doing this, she'll end up broken. She thinks that you're in a relationship and I know that she would feel guilty if she decided to have an affair with you. You can't keep the truth from her. She deserves to know it. Now, let me ask you," Sam paused, looking at Camila seriously.

"What?"

"Do you want to be with her?"

Camila already knew the answer to that question. Hell, the answer didn't even changed even if years passed. But the thing is, another feeling was holding her back. A feeling that was holding her back from telling Lauren the truth. A feeling that made her think that if she doesn't have any strings attached to Lauren, she would be save from the heartbreak. She's afraid of risking her heart.