Permissive

Epilogue

Epilouge

Camila's POV

"These are the things she wanted me to give to you," Bella told me, handing me the medium sized box that she had retrieved under Lauren's bed.

"Thank you," I told her, accepting the box. I was a bit surprised by the weight of it. It wasn't too light but it wasn't too heavy. I wonder what are the things inside the box.

She gave me a nod before excusing herself and exiting Lauren's room. I looked at Lauren's bed, looking at the white bed sheets. The white pillow. I looked around the room and my eyes fell to the picture that was placed on her nightstand. I hadn't noticed it when I first got here. I picked the picture and looked at it closely. I looked at us together, smiling towards the camera, until I felt a tear slid down my cheek. I hastily wiped it away as I walked towards her bed. I took a sit on the edge of it, putting the box beside me.

"You left," I whispered in the air, "Forever."

Then that's when the tears began to flow freely. I covered my face with my hands as tried to muffle the sobs that are trying to escape my lips. I had been forcing myself not to cry in front of everyone. I don't want them to see me weak. It has been three days since Lauren died. Her death...it was painful for all of us. I know it was painful. The pain caused by her death was unbearable to me. I had expected that night that if I wake up, she'll be the first person I'll see. But no. It was the complete opposite. When I came out of the room that day, Bella and Lydia were wearing a solemn expression. They looked like they had been crying. So I asked. And I wished I didn't. Because I clearly remembered the words Lydia had told me.

"She's gone," Lydia answered, a sob coming out from her lips, "She died a few hours ago."

I remembered the first thing I did. No, I didn't cry. I lashed out to the both of them, asking why they didn't have the audacity to wake me up. To at least let me be with Lauren until her last breath.

"Last night, she knew it would be her last. She had told me that if she dies today and you're still sleeping, we shouldn't wake you up. She knew it would happen. She was hugging you tight. She told me how happy she was that you showed up. She thinks we didn't heard her, but we did. She was crying quietly."

I remembered falling to my knees when I heard her answer. I cried that day. I cried until I couldn't anymore. I sobbed until my voice gave out. I remembered running back to her room while hoping that it was just a sick joke, that when I enter her room, she'll be there lying in her bed. But she wasn't. The bed was empty. The sheets were a mess. Her oxygen tank was no longer there. But one thing caught my eyes.

Her sweater.

The sweater she was wearing last night was neatly folded. Sitting on the edge of the bed. The gray sweater she had wore on her last day. Last breath.

I remembered running, stumbling towards it. I remembered taking it to my hands, clutching it to my chest as another set of fresh tears ran down my cheeks. Recalling that day made me cry harder.

I had been AWOL to my friends since her death. Not even Michael know where I am. I had turned off my phone. Isolated myself to the outside world. There was no wake that was held for Lauren. Lydia followed what Lauren wanted. Which was put her casket six feet under the day after she die. She had already planned it out. Lauren already planned how her death would go even though she was still alive. I didn't want to see her inside the casket so I watched the ceremony from afar. I was alone. I didn't want anyone else to talk to me. Since her death, I wanted to be alone forever. To follow her. To follow wherever she is right now. Yes, I had managed to live in this world away from her, but it's because I know she's alive. But now, now she's already dead. I don't think I'd be able to live -to breath without her by my side.