IDIOSYNCRASY // Soccer

Ch. 31

The next two weeks were a dread. Nathan was completely avoiding me and I was okay with it. Coach wasn't favoring him at all, in fact he was ignoring him for the most part. But it has been a month since Parker got into the accident. The bags and dark circles were clear on my face. The teachers weren't giving me a hard time so far, and let me sleep in the classroom. Not to mention the pity stares and the granola bars they give me because they assume I starve myself. But the only almost great thing about this situation is I get free A's.

I sit in the same chair everyday, the one closest to him. I touch Parker's hand softy. "Please, Parker. Please, please wake up. I don't know if you can even hear me. But, I just cant lose you. I don't know what I would do without you. You are the light of my day. You make my life so much easier and better. I love you so damn much! Just please wake up. Please." I plead, sobbing uncontrollably.

I interlace my fingers with Parker's and bring it up to my face. I rest our hands on my face as my shoulders jot up and down. "Please." I sob.

Every day of this hell I was living was a dread. I see Parker every day, and for all I know he could be in pain, and I cant do anything about it. He is the one experiencing hell, and once again I cant do anything.

Dont get me wrong, I was going through hell, too. It may not be as harsh as Parker's situation, but I was slowly giving up hope. And then, getting mad at myself for having a falter of hope in him. Just the image of Parker's blue lips, and pale, dead looking, skin burns through my mind and stabs me in the heart and the feeling explodes through my body and ricochet off the walls just to go back inside with the feeling ten times heavier.

"Shit." I shudder. My hand reaches for my hair and I pull at it as I watch Parker just lay there. My free hand goes to reach it, but only to halt my action in the middle because I break down into more tears.

I lurch forward as I let out a deranged sob. I call out his name and it felt like I was talking to a wall. The thought of him not being there at graduation, or him not being there if or when we get to State Championships, broke my heart into pieces. Everyone knew that I was a wreck, and without Parker, I dont function the same way I did before.

I let the team down every day, and its not like I intend to, it just happens and I cant control it. I break down at school, and sometimes I just dont even bother to go and just show up at practice. Coach is giving me such a hard time, but I dont blame him. His star players are an absolute wreck, a bigger one than the Titanic. One of them is in the hospital for who knows how much longer, and the other is out of the gutter and failing the team. But then again, he thinks I shouldn't be effected by this, but he doesn't understand. If his son would be in a coma, he would be a hazardous wreck too.

"Parker, I know its hard. I dont get what you're going through. But, listen to me. If you want to give up, you can, because I know you're fighting so hard right now. But, if you really need a break and this fight is coming above you, you can give up if you want to. Dont think about all the people you're going to affect, but think of yourself first, then put in the place of other people. I dont want you to fight and fight if you dont want to live for yourself.

"I love you, I hope you know that. I want the best for you, and if that is you letting go, then so be it. I dont think you understand how much I love you, or the toll it took on me, Parker. If you want to keep fighting, give it all you got. But, as I said before, if you dont have anything to give anymore, dont force it. Things happen for a reason. This may sound morbid, but if this didn't happen, I wouldn't realize how much I care for you and love you.

"I know what I say can be confusing, because I flip flop on the sides on you fighting and letting go. If you live, then we can work out our feelings, if you have any for me. But, if you let go, I will understand, and dont you ever think you're going to be a burden to anyone." I say.