Yes spite
Even though I've been going to shows ever since I was 12; lately I've been wanting to go to spite someone.
Who? I mentioned her in my diary before, the terrible friend who I envy so
The ex friend who is a little two face and basks in the aesthetics of her "friends" , the one I'm pathetically jealous of, even though I said I was over it.
I thought I was, I thought I really didn't care what she did in her life
But last night on Instagram I was looking at some stories, I don't follow her but she still follows me anyways though I was on stories and this very pretty girl I follow posted some pictures of drawings and I instantly knew who drew them.
They were drawing of her that my ex friend, for the sake of clarity I'm just gonna call her star, she had drawn her
And I wasn't shocked but I was a little put off, cause this is the kind of shit she does. Back when we were friends she used to draw us all the time, we used to be the power combo, everyone knew we were always together and that we did everything together. However everyone also knew that this girl star would also change friends all the time .Even I knew it was a matter of time before we stopped being friends
and with not much restraint I went on a friends phone who followed her and I regretfully went on her Instagram for the first time in half a year.
She looks so fucking cool and her Instagram is perfect, it's something that I long before wanted to achieve but because I lack things I never have been able to do it.
And it's all a facade! It's all for looks
Not that it wouldn't be superficial if I did it but seeing her achieve it without effort really pisses me off.
Once again i hate myself for getting so upset about it because deep down I know it's cause her and all her little friends are privileged and don't know shit about hard work, which shouldn't at all concern or bother me.
They should live as they please
It was a mistake getting close to her.
so in the end how is going to shows gonna spite her?
Well because it's something I know she can never do.
She will never be able to go into a mosh pit and to dance around and have fun the way I do, and it just makes me feel shitty that I take pleasure in that fact.
I mean it's not dictating my life so I feel a little better
And in my defense it's also mostly because I feel that going to shows is like it's my own. She has art and That's something I know I can ever be better in but music is something I feel she can never do, however recently she's trying to take that with her stupid talentless friends, they wouldn't know real punk if it bit them in the ass.
Ugh I feel like a child whose toy was taken from them
Why do I wanna be better than her?
I actually don't I just have the biggest inferiority complex.
It's gotten really bad recently
And every time she looks at my story it's just a grim reminder of what a terrible person I am.
I'm just a garbage person
