So when did I get over him? When I had "loved" him for almost 2 years!
Well it happened not 1 month later not a year but in ONE day,
Right after culmination we still had one more day of school and
During the last week I would hang out with my friends at the park after school and each day they'd try to comfort me still.
So Last day, afterschool, We were sitting in our usual hang out spot when I see him walking and I tell my friend
"Hey look!" And they turn and try to get his attention but then I see it
he was with a girl, and I see it was that girl who had liked him, the one he secretly dated
I realized in that very moment
None of it was real
He never like me
He never liked her
He just wanted someone to like him
And funny thing is I was with Teresa at this time and we both look at each other like
That asshole! He's such a loser
Why did we even like him
In those few minutes I felt this burden lift off my shoulders and for the first time I though "fuck him!"
"I don't like him at all anymore "
"What the hell like he's not even cute."
I came to my senses at last and I never felt better. It was over just like that
*
*
After that we all parted ways
We culminated and everyone went to different highschools and I got to find who I really was
I began to value myself so much more
I focused myself in school
And going to a school where I didn't know anyone I became shy.
As a student I became so much better and love never crossed my mind
Not that I was still hung up on that guy
I completely erased him from my memories and heart
So opposite of hating myself from where I started
I did say that because of middleschool I have inferiority complex and it's true but the act of hating myself that's only on the deep inside when my insecurities are conflicted
I value myself so much more
I've gotten so much cuter
I'm actually really cool
And I love my personality
I only ever feel inadequate in normal stuff like believing my art will never be good enough or thinking someone else is prettier, and this is all normal in a sense
The truth is I don't hate myself really I really do love myself but those emotions are always confusing and because it's easy for me to feel worthless
But I'll never say it
If today some guy would call me ugly or something I would hit him with that "bitch where?"
I may feel incompetent in my own skin but there's no way in hell I'll ever let anyone say shit to me cause they ain't shit
Anyways these past 2 years have been really great in finding what I truly value and develop more character along the way.
Here's to hoping for an even more insightful future
Thanks for reading my long sad story about middle school
