Broken

Chapter 4: Questions

"You have to remember Sine is Opposite over Hypotenuse; Cosine is Adjacent over Hypotenuse and Tangent is Opposite over Adjacent," I whisper. "Maybe you should write that down."
I watch Corey as he neatly copied it down, giving me a second to discretely admire his handwriting.
"Hey kids I have to run along. Are you finished?" Mr Sales asks brightly. Keeping my head down, I nod and begin to pack my things. I can't wait to get home. Someone fucking save me. Pushing my chair in, I follow Mr Sales out. "Thanks Cadence. If it becomes too much I can find someone else, okay?" I shake my head at his words, turning and walking away with all background noise blocked out by the blaring tunes from A Day to Remember coming through my headphones.

Just as I read the gate I feel someone's fingers wrap around my arm. Startled, I spin around quickly and pull out my headphones, to see Corey staring back at me, bright eyes and all smiles.
"Please...don't...touch...me," I breathe out slowly.
"Oh, shit. Um...sorry C. Are you walking home?"
I nod and break eye contact, glancing down at my shuffling feet and listen to my heart thud in my ears.
"Did Elaine walk home already?"
I nod again and refuse to look. I can't fucking look at you. Don't you get it?
"It's been years C, come on," he begs. The tone of his voice is so innocent and needy like a child and I give in to the terrible temptation, looking into his eyes, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. The butterflies let loose and splutter frantically in my stomach, knowing there's no way to hide my guilt or the awkwardness I feel from being so close to him.
"So how did Elaine get home?"
"Charlotte," I say, finally shoving my headphones into my jacket pocket and adjusting my hood. Thank fucking God for Charlotte. I ought to remind her I love her. I think to myself.
"You're walking alone then?" Corey questions.
"I am."
"Can I walk you home."
"Sure."

As we begin to walk I feel more at ease. I need to fucking talk to him. He won't fucking bite!
"Can I ask what you were listening too?"
"A Day to Remember."
"They're my favourite," he beams.
"Me too," I smile back, as he playfully nudges his shoulder against mine.
"All this time an you're still so fucking cool," he states proudly. My smile is genuine; the warm fuzzy feeling creeping up on me. I can't honestly remember very feeling this way and for a brief moment that seems like an eternity, it scares the absolute shit out of me. Still, I match his steps as we walk side by side, in the direction of my house.

"So why are you so quiet these days, C? What's happening in your world?"
"Nothing," I lie. Everything. Everything's happening.
"You don't speak to people."
"People don't like me,"
"I like you,"
"You don't speak to me either," I point out.
"Cadence, I'm sorry," he whispers, glancing down as we reach my house. "I know it's been a long time since we've talked. Too fucking long. I'm really sorry."
"It's fine." My voice is flat, the once happy tone now drained.
"I'm having a get-together Friday. You're more than welcome to come."
"No," I say. "I can't."
"Charlotte can come. Elaine too. Jake will be there. I'd love it if you all came."
"Okay, I'll try."
"Thank you," he grins, pulling me into a hug. "Just please stop cutting. You're too beautiful for that bullshit."
I step back and hold him for a second at arms length before letting my arms rest at my sides. A look of concern floods my face.
"How do you know?" I murmur.
"It's obvious and well because I know you. But why do it?"
"People," I state. "Simple. People."
"You mean Sabrina? Brooke? Lori?"
I nod.
"Fuck them, honestly."
"They're your friends," I remind him.
"Doesn't mean I agree with what they do."

Out of the corner of my eye I notice the curtain move and a face disappear.
"I have to go,"
"I'll see you tomorrow. Stay safe. Call me if you need anything. Anything C."
I nod, giving a weak smile as Corey's leans down, his breath warm against my skin. I freeze and let him inch closer an softly presses his lips to mine. I kiss briefly and break away. I watch as he waves and walks away. I turn away, feeling light and bubbly. I turn and head inside, stopped by my dad and listen, waiting for the door to click shut behind me.
"Why the fuck are you late?" He bellows. The scent of alcohol lingers on his breath.
"I was at school."
My head jerks to one side as his hand collides with my right cheek. Again. Again. My skin tingles with pain.
"Dad, stop," I cry uselessly. He doesn't. I close my eyes, giving into the fore. There is no use in fighting against such brutality. I don't move, nor do I dare fucking cry.

~xoxoxoxo~

The water runs red around my feet; the usual sting I crave being fulfilled as the hot water taps against my body. I sit on the hard shower floor my arms wrapped tightly around my legs. I lean my head against my arms and let the water plaster my hair to my scalp. The steam fills the room, my tears mixed in while I protect my face from the water. Why? What did I honestly do? Why does he fucking hate me? I hate myself. I don't get it. Someone tell me why? Can anyone answer my questions? I'm so fucking useless.

I rise and turn off the water. Stepping out I grab my towel from the rack and dab gently at my wounds. I wrap my towel around my disgusting body and wipe the condensation on the mirror to check my face. I can see the faint touch of purple that I imagine will be at it's finest in the morning. Carefully I creep out of the bathroom, my parents lay asleep in their bed and close the door to my room once I'm in. I slip on my favourite MCR pyjamas my mom secretly bought me after my father spent forever telling me they're not acceptable. With my hair dry, I get under the covers and check my phone. No messages. I close my eyes and let the tears fall. Why? I wonder. Why does everyone hate me? Why would he kiss me? I want to die. Please let me die.
"Corey," I whisper. I unlock my phone to find his contact and dial. Two rings and he answers.
"C, it's 2am. What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry I called," I sob quietly.
"What's wrong C,"
"I can't."
"Cadence. Talk to me gorgeous."
I hang up and swallow hard. Fuck. I'm so stupid.

~xoxoxoxo~
Chemical Halo. xx
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