Broken

Chapter 10: Fear and Regret

I lie deathly still under the warm covers, staring blankly at the ceiling, contemplating showing up late for school. I know I've slept in but yet the usual pang of desire to go to school today is completely non-existent. I feel the small vibration from under my pillow and painfully roll over into my stomach, sliding my hand beneath my pillow to retrieve my phone.

Charlotte -
Are you coming today, beautiful? x

I send back a quick 'no' and roll to my side, burying my head under my blanket.

~xoxoxoxo~

I wake for the second time, deciding to finally get out of bed. I check the time. 12:07pm. Shit. It's late. Lazily I peel back the covers and drag myself out of bed and walk ever-so-slowly to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I turn on the water and select an album from My Chemical Romance while I wait for the water to heat up. I strip down and pull the taped gauze from my arm and step in. Automatically I sit down and let the water tap relaxingly against my back. My arms sting and I smile to myself, missing that craving I've felt for so long.

When I decide to step out I turn off the shower, knowing I've been in for at least an hour. I don't even bother to sneak anymore and step straight into my room. I pull on clean underwear and pull over a black tee that promoted The Used. 'The Sound of Madness' sings out as my phone rings and I reluctantly answer.
"Miss Kennedy,"
"Miss Martin," I reply coyly.
"Are you okay?"
"No,"
"Are you coming tomorrow?"
"Yes," I say.
"Awesome sauce. Love you,"
"Love you too,"
"By the way,"
"Yes,"
"I have something to tell you," Charlotte cheers loudly, making me pull the phone a small distance from my ear.
"I'll tell you at school tomorrow,"
"That's great. I have to go,"
"See you tomorrow,"

I let Charlotte hang up and grab my headphones and my "MCR bible" and begin to finish working on a Frerard piece as my music plays.

Feeling so what satisfied with my finished product I rip the page from my book and slide out of bed to Blu-tacked it next to my drawing of Fear and Regret from The Black Parade.

I freeze, hearing the rattle of keys as they hit the bench. Please be my mother. I tip toe backwards and sit on my bed, sneaking in under the covers. I hear my door handle turn and open. I hold my breath.
"Cadence?"
Fuck. Why? Why are you home early?
I say nothing and lie completely still, fear pulsing through me, the slight feel of regret creeping upon me.
My father pulls back the covers but I don't dare open my eyes. I can't let my tears fall. Don't cry. You Gould have gone to school. You stupid fucking bitch.
"Why the fuck aren't you at school?" He yells.
"I wasn't feeling well," I lie.
"I don't give a fuck. I pay for you're ass to go to fucking school," he replies. Charming! You smell like cigarettes and beer.
I open my eyes enough to see him raise his closed fist and I close my eyes quickly, preparing myself as his clenched hand blows against my right eye. I wince in pain and hold my breath again. Again, my father punches me. I roll away and face the wall. His hang grabs my shoulder, his grubby nails digging into my skin and forces me into my back, straddling me.
"Please, don't," I beg.
With all his strength he backhands me, my face turning with the force of the blow. My lip trembles and I lick it, tasting my blood from my own wound.
I close my eyes, reciting lyrics in my head, trying desperately to ignore the constant punches.

And if your heart stops beating
I'll be here wondering
Did you get what you deserve?
The ending of your life
I sing quietly through my sobs.
And if you get to heaven
I'll be here waiting, babe
Did you get what you deserve?
The end, and if your life won't wait
Then your heart can't take this.

~xoxoxoxo~

I open my eyes when I know my door is shut. I sit up and cry out in pain, holding onto my ribs. "Great," I mumble. Broken ribs from the fat fuck.
I can't take this.
I lock my door and stick in my headphones turning up the volume to block out the pounding against my door. Fuck off. Leave me alone.

~xoxoxoxo~

I hear a soft tapping against my door and check the time. 3:30pm. I ignore it and sit on my bed, legs folded.
"Cadey, it's me,"
I watch the lock turn as she opens it with her key. There are only two keys; one for me and one for her. Her eyes well up at the sight of me, bruised and bloodied. She closes the door, locking it behind her and sits across from me.
"Hey Laney," I fake a smile.
"Did...was...it was dad wasn't it?" She asks, letting her tears cascade down her beautiful flawless face. I nod.
"Can I stay here with you?"
I think hard on the question and agree that she can stay.
"How was school?" I whisper.
"Well Jake asked me out?" She blushes adorably.
"That's great,"
It's always been easier to talk to Elaine over other people. I don't know why. I think maybe because she has never judged me for a single thing. She's always been there to hug me and wipe away the blood.

We sit quietly and draw into the night until I decide it's time to sleep and together we slip into my bed and cuddle in a cute sister way.

~xoxoxoxo~

Chemical halo 😋
Comment. Vote. Follow.