Broken

Chapter 9: Revelations

For a change we eat lunch in the cafeteria as opposed to the usual outside. My athazagoraphobia is not at it's best and if I step outside I may have a panic attack. Not that being surrounded by people helps me either.
I sit quietly sipping at my coke through my straw, Elaine to my left, chatting up Jake and Charlotte to my right frantically texting someone I assume to be Dom.

Lunch is nice, quiet really and rather relaxing. Quiet only if you drown out the sounds of other people by immersing yourself deep within your own thoughts; a dangerous thing to resort to, but it works.
"You got us into trouble you stupid gothic whore," I hear someone say to me. Charlotte slams her phone on the table in anger and stands looking straight at Sabrina, capturing the attention of surrounding students eating their lunches and chatting away, the room falling silent. "You got your damn self into trouble because you can't keep your smart ass mouth shut. You think it's funny to hurt someone, and push them around and beating them to their lowest point. It doesn't make them a bad person for being upset. It makes you a bad fucking person for hurting someone like that," Charlotte says matter-of-factly.
"Does it really? Because I don't feel like a bad person," Sabrina says. "I'm just going off what Corey told me."
"You get off from beating people when they are down. That is so fucking wrong," Brooke buts it, causing gasps from a few people.
"What? You're our fucking friend," Lori exclaims.
"I've never said something bad about Cadence and Charlotte is right, you just pick on people. It doesn't make you a better person,"
"Fine go sit with that loser then," Lori spits.
"I'd rather sit with people like her than be your friend," Brooke replies, taking a spot across from me, smiling shyly. I smile back.
"You have no right to bully Cadence or anyone," Rachel, a girl from my English class adds.
"Yeah, or spread rumours that weren't true. You've ruined everything. I only did what you told me because you blackmailed me. I hate myself for being a part of this. It's because of you. You're a fucking bitch Sabrina. You too Lori!" Corey yells. "Cadence, I'm so fucking sorry," he says turning to me. It's those words that overwhelm me. So much hate and so much pity.

Lori and Sabrina storm out as people start cheering and clapping. From the corner of my eye I spot Mr Sales by the doors clapping and smiling as he eats his apple. I feel awkward and look down to his the blush that's rising on my cheeks. It dies down, people returning to their lunches.
"I heard you like MCR," Brooke mumbles from behind her spoon of jelly. I nod.
"I love them too. I've seen the eight times," she continues. I smile.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't be here. I should go,"
"No," I whisper surprising myself. "Stay, please,"
"Yeah, stay," Charlotte grins.

We eat lunch silently. A new friend. I don't know how to feel about that and not at this point does it matter. She hasn't hurt me. I can't help but think about Corey's words. He said he was made to do it. I wish I knew what was going on. A normal person would just confront them but not me.

~xoxoxoxo~

Biology drags on. Slow and boring and part of me wishes Charlotte was here and we didn't get paired assignments or paired assignments with Corey at least. Scared, I sit still next to him. My body slightly shakes with anxiety while he scribbles in the book. My phone vibrates, distracting me from the awkward silence. I check it.

Corey -
Can we talk?

What? I respond.

Corey -
I'm sorry.

For what? Raping me.  Pushing me over? Letting me get beaten up? I text back.

Corey -
Yes. For everything. Forgive me.

I don't reply to the last message. He doesn't deserve forgiveness. He stole something that wasn't his to take. Not like that. He doesn't even deserve a response.

~xoxoxoxo~

I lie in bed, warm and cozy. The gauze from Dom is still taped to my arm, bits of blood soaked through. I smile I myself at the kindness I remember. I don't know what is do without either of them.

I close my eyes, a tear escaping, dripping onto my pillow. I want to close my eyes and forget everything but it comes flooding back. I unlock my phone and search for a phone number, before dialling.
"I'm sorry," I cry, on answering.
"Don't be. What's wrong Cadence,"
"I want to die Dom,"
"No, I'm here. I can't lose you,"
"I can't stay,"
"Don't abandon me,"
"I have to," I sob.
"Why?"
"I hate this. I hate me. I hate being afraid to be touched and I hate that people hate me. I deserve to die,"
"You don't deser-"
I cut Dom off in mid-conversation as I hang up. I reach out from my blanket and grab my razor from my desk and place it against my wrist. I start at the top and press in slowly, feeling the calming break of the skin. Slowly I drag it straight down my arm. My razors drops to the ground with a small ding. I close my eyes feeling the blood drip onto the floor.

~xoxoxoxo~
Chemical halo 😋 xx
Shit chapter.
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