Broken

Chapter 7: Old Friends

I close my eyes, grit my teeth and with every ounce of strength I try not to move as the pain tears through me. Uncontrollably I shake, my chest rising and falling quickly as I struggle to breathe, my heart bursting for freedom from it's cage. My fingers hurt from gripping the blanket so tightly. I want to scream, but all efforts to find my voice are gone. I imagine falling to the rescue of my old friends. The razors will be beautifully cold against my skin. I'll feel complete. The river of tears has come to a halt and I count the minutes until it's over and I can escape to the comfortable and safe cave that is my bedroom.

The breeze is still icy as I sit in a dark corner of the yard with tears constantly streaming down my face while I remember the earlier moments of tonight. I stretch my arm out straight and let it rest on my knee, watching the dark liquid drip onto the grass beneath me. Drip. Drip. Drip. It crosses my mind for a second that perhaps I should care about where I am but I don't anymore. I don't give a fuck. Someone let me die. Please. I want to die. I squeeze the blade in my hand and feel it prick against my skin.
"I want to go home," I uncontrollably sob to myself.
"Hey Cadence, what's wrong?" A voice says as someone wraps their arm around my shoulders. I shudder and lift my head to face them.
"Please don't touch me, Dom,"
"Sorry," he says, quickly dropping his arm, the look of awkwardness washes over him. "Are you okay?"
I shake my head violently, looking away.
"I'm worried about you. What happened? Where's Corey?"
I refuse to speak, shrugging my shoulders in response.
"Tell me what fucking happened. I want to help you."
I shake my head again. You can't help. No one can. Leave me alone Dom! I don't deserve your help.
"You're my friend," he smiles confidently.
"I am?"
"Of course. I heard you say you wanted to go home. I thought you were staying?"
"I don't want to anymore,"
"I'll borrow the car. I'll take you home. I'll find Charlotte and Elaine and we'll all go,"
"Okay,"
"Also, can I ask how you got that bruise,"
"No,"
"Okay," Dom replies, getting up to find the girls.
"Hey," I whisper as he walks away. For a second I doubt he hears me but he stops and turns to me. "Thank you," I say, half smiling. I watch him walk away and head inside.

~xoxoxoxo~

I stare absentmindedly out the window, watching the water hit the pavement as we pull up outside my house after making the trip to Charlotte's. I feel guilty for pushing her away, but tonight of all nights I could really go without the inquisition. I wonder how we are going to get inside and it is then I remember mom briefly mention my father going on a business trip. With every bit of effort I have left, I open the car door and step into the rain, waiting for Elaine and Dom. Like the gentlemen he is, he carries my bag and walks us to the door.
"Thanks heaps," Elaine says, over joyously. "Really appreciate it. But did we have to leave," she complains. "Jake and I were playing monopoly."
Dom laughs at the cuteness that is my kid sister.
"Maybe another time," he tells her, sounding hopeful.
"Maybe," she comments. "Maybe."
"Really though, it's no trouble."
I smile, and turn away to retrieve the spare key from under the mat. I pass the key to Elaine, giving her the grand task of unlocking the door.
"Thank you," I mumble to Dom, nervously.
"You're welcome. Do you think it would be okay if I came inside a minute?"
I stare into his eyes unsure of how to answer, unsure of what to say.
"I'm worried about you. Look at yourself Cadence, you're a wreck,"
"Okay..."

We tip toe inside and say our good nights to Laney before heading to my room. I tell  Dom to drop my bag in the corner and watch as he makes himself comfortable on my bed. In silence, I pick a shirt from my closet, removing my old one. For a brief moment I see him stare. I pretend I don't know what he is looking at but am rather impressed when he looks away, allowing me to unclip my bra and let my breasts hang freely before pulling on my Bon Jovi tee.
I sit on the bed opposite Dom, tears in his eyes.
"Your body,"
"Yes, it's disgusting," I agree.
"It's not that. Not at all. It's beautiful. But, your scars,"
I nod. I'm aware of the hundreds of scars covering my tummy and my sides and of course my arms.
"Cadey, there are so many. I'm so sorry."
I can hear the sincerity in his voice and it calms me somewhat.
"You're still bleeding," he mumbles. I notice that he is right and reach across grabbing the first aid box from my desk. Surprisingly Dom takes it from me before I can even put up the argument. By the question is do I really want to argue? I decide against it. For his sake.
"Let me do it,"
I say nothing as he takes an antiseptic wipe from it's packaging. Gently he holds my wrist with two fingers and dabs at the cuts.
"It's okay," I breathe out, closing my eyes.
"Are you sure,"
"Mmhmm,"
Dom picks another antiseptic cloth and wipes more and more of my arm. All seem to be fairly okay except one decent one that refuses to stop bleeding. Taking a rectangle of gauze he folds it and folds it again. "Hold this," he says placing it a top the wound. I do as instructed and hold it in perfect position as he tapes it and packs things away, disposing of the wipes in my bin.
"Thankyou."
"Now what happened apart from the obvious, you cut yourself,"
"I cant,"
"Cadence,"
"Corey," I respond, watching Dom's eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"What? What did he do Cadence?"
"It was horrible.  It hurt so much."
"The bruise?"
"My father," I tell him.
"Okay what the fuck did Corey do?"
I don't want to tell Dom but I can see his concern. His undying need to know the truth.
"I... I told him to stop," I whisper, my voice shaky. "He...wouldn't...stop."
"No," Dom gasps. "He fucking didn't,"
I can't contain myself anymore, letting out a loud cry. My tears hit the blanket beneath us and I hastily wipe them away with my hands. He realises now. The hurtful, scarring truth of my stolen virginity. My innocence I was saving.
"Come here," he pleads. I shuffle over and lay my head against his chest, feeling him hold tightly the human ball that is myself. I shake in his grip.
"Why...are...you...doing...this," I ask between sobs.
"What are old friends for," he tries to smile. I'm uncomfortable, it's difficult to find the air to breathe but I stay in his arms and together we cry late into the night.

~xoxoxoxo~
Chemical Halo xx
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