Let's Not Meet Again

He Was Grooming Me

Throughout my entire childhood, my NPD/BPD parents consistently put me in harms way as nothing mattered more to them than partying and fighting. I was always being exposed to creepy, I'll intentioned men who happened to be a 'connect' of some kind, so I was stuck dealing with them until they moved on to the next phase of their party days (read: switched drugs) This is only one of many stories I have where I was in the process of being targeted.

In early middle school, I was a bit of a loner due to many insecurities, which put me in a position to be an easy target. From several forms of neglect, carrying extra weight at the time, and the fact that my parents weren't providing me with proper clothing, which led to my being teased, I was so starved for positive attention, yet too timid to speak up. I was in advanced classes, which met for lessons in a dimly lit trailer behind the school. We were a tight knit group because we were 'special'. I'd never felt special before, so the AG group, (and the bond I shared with children who otherwise wouldn't pay me any attention due to the huge gap in our socioeconomic status) meant a lot to me.

One student in particular, intrigued me. He had the softest blue eyes and hair so blonde it was white. He was witty and kind hearted. Everyone adored him, yet he had the same apprehension as I, and seem just as awkward and shy as I, though he put up a good front. I'd often wonder what his life was like at home. Was he kind because he was treated well? Was he shy because he wasn't? I'd soon get an idea of what life was like for Charlie, but wouldn't grasp the gravity of my findings until years later.

Our local baseball stadium was hosting a variety show, as they did annually, and beings my parents weren't available for such things, I tagged along with my older, teenaged sister. She was with her boyfriend at the time, and feeling like a 3rd wheel, I would scan the crowd people watching to distract myself from their gratuitous public displays of entirely too much affection for teens. I'd see dads holding their kids on their shoulders, moms cradling their youngsters while waiting for the next set to start, and I was envious. While scanning the crowd I saw Charlie from a distance. They had a spot on the stands, while we were stuck sitting on the ground in the outfield, so I said I was going to the bathroom and made my way over to them. I was happy to see someone I knew, who might actually interact with me. It's lonely being the unwanted third wheel.

He introduced me to his dad. He had the same blue eyes and kind smile. He welcomed me quite literally with open arms, and immediately, and without question, tucked me under his arm onto the bleacher in between he and his son. At first, with childlike wonder, I accepted his attention and probing questions. This is an adult who is interested in me? How my day went? How school is going? Wait. Why does he need to know where I live? Why hasn't he let go of my hand? Why is Charlie squirming with discomfort? I felt faint. My ears were burning with anxiety, I was suddenly hyper aware of his touch. The scenery around us was blurred, sounds muffled.

At that moment I realized I had made a mistake. I tried to make excuses to go back to my seat, but he protested. I tried to let go of his hand but he'd only squeeze his arm around me tighter and kiss my cheek. My eyes searched the crowd for my sister, and she FINALLY came looking for me after what seemed like an eternity. I was relieved, felt like she had saved me without even knowing it.

After a while I almost forgot about Charlie's dad. Until the day my parents returned from a trip to the corner store with him in their car. Apparently they'd 'bumped into him' at the store, introduced himself, got to chatting, and offered to help them with renovating our house. That was an instant in for him and my parents were overjoyed at the unusual kindness of this seemingly random stranger, rather than recognizing it as an absurd concept as I had. What a coincidence, right? He exited the car in my driveway and introduced himself as though we had never met, and for weeks, worked diligently on our home, free of charge, all the while engaging me any chance he had. I let guard down after a while because I assumed, like any child would, that if there were any danger, my parents would surely sense it, as I always had, and protect me from it.

Over time he won me over, teaching me about the solar system as he worked on insulation, teaching me French words for household objects while he hung siding. I trusted that, beings my parents were working along side him, that they'd put a stop to inappropriate attention. I was wrong. They were oblivious, blinded by his charm and kindness. He eventually started stopping by when my parents weren't home. Though it was clear they were gone as soon as you turned in our driveway, he would linger, longer each time, alternating between knocking on the door and then waiting at his car to see if the blinds moved. My heart pounded every time.

He caught me outside alone by chance on one of these occasions, and lured me over with a gift he had promised me weeks before. Upon accepting the gift, I tried my best to get away from him and hurry in the house. I knew my parents wouldn't be home until the wee hours, so I was careful not to behave in a way that would make him aware that I was on to his intentions, because I was terrified of how he would react if he could tell. Due to years of abuse and neglect, I was always in a state of hyper vigilance. So I did my best to make excuses, while he held tight to my hand and plead with me to finish our 'important talk' about our 'special relationship' and how much more he cared about me than my family did. Typical grooming tactics, only I sensed a desperation in his pleading and knew that if I didnt get away immediately I would be harmed.

I ran back inside and my sister helped me barricade all entry ways. He lingered on the property for an hour, alternating between paving the porch, knocking, looking in Windows, whistling a tune, or pressing his face to the door softly calling my name. I was keenly aware that if I didn't force my parents to take action I would soon be a victim. As I suspected, they came home in the middle of the night too drunk to confront, and when I finally did they laughed off the notion that he was dangerous. I blocked out a huge chunk of time following that and remained bitter about the whole ordeal for sometime. I don't remember ever seeing him again, but asking my parents now, they have no idea what I'm talking about.

In recent years I reconnected with Charlie through social media, and invited him out with our group. By the end of the night, I'd had a few and for done reason, casually 'joked' to him that his dad creeped me out. He immediately tensed up, stuttered nervously 'Y-y-yea, uh, he was an odd guy.' I tried to discreetly ask questions, to get info on this man. I wanted to Google his name, look for him on the sex offender registry, anything to bring me some closure, but I wasn't able to get anything out of him, though I could tell he was holding back something sinister. His time with us soon came to a close and I never saw or heard from him again. To this day I wonder what Charlie knew. Wondered if that's why his parents were divorced. So many questions.

To this day I am hyper-vigilant in the presence of the opposite sex. My daughter is rarely allowed out of my site. No one is allowed to get too close to her with out my having investigated them to some degree, and I have far too many talks with her about the dangers that lurk beyond our front door. I couldn't live with myself if I made the same mistake as my parents.

So, my advice to all parents: be aware of your child's surroundings at all time. Be observant. Pay close attention to anyone paying close attention to them and ALWAYS watch for the warning signs. Never ignore even the tiniest red flag because if you do, they could easily become prey.