Let's Not Meet Again

Almost Kidnapped

This happened a few years ago, during my first year of university. I'm from the UK and I studied in York, which is generally considered a pretty safe city.

I was with my friends on a night out clubbing, and as often happens on nights out, I lost them. I was tipsy, but by no means drunk, and at this point my friends weren't answering their phones and I'd had enough, so I decided to walk home. My house was only around a 20 minute walk from town and we always walked home, so I didn't think much of walking home alone.

I was walking, and this guy starts walking next to me. He was Asian and maybe around 24, so not too much older than me (I was 19 at the time). York is pretty friendly city, and tipsy students talking to other tipsy students you don't know i just the norm- so I assumed he was like me, just another alcohol infused person making his way home.

He started chatting to me about the usual crap, asking what I studied and things like that. We'd only been walking a couple of minutes, when he starting asking if I had a boyfriend. At this point, I started feeling uncomfortable. We weren't in a secluded area, but it was around 3 in the morning and there were no cars or other people around. My mind didn't instantly label him as some crazed serial killer, but a boy trying his luck, which, again, is pretty common when you're a student. It wasn't really a big deal, but I didn't want to walk with him anymore. We'd only been walking together for about 5 minutes by this point.

So now I tell him it was nice meeting and talking to him, and that I was at my house; I just stopped outside some randomer's house and stood there, waiting for him to walk away, but I think he knew I was lying, and he didn't leave.

This is when I started to feel really unnerved. He smiled at me and said 'my car is near here, do you want a lift so I can make sure you get home safely?'

When he said this, I became terrified. My chest felt so tight I couldn't even speak. I just sort shook my head and mumbled some incomprehensible answer. Next, he comes right over to me, and grabs my arm, saying he just wants to help me get home. I remember feeling like numb and like I wasn't a part of my own body anymore- it felt as though I was watching it happen to someone else, and not me. I always though I'd fight back and have a strong 'flight' response, but instead I was frozen in fear.

I don't remember where the car was, or how long it took to get there, I just remember feeling kind of floppy and letting myself get tugged along- the next thing I remember was him opening the passenger door and me getting in. I think he asked me where I lived, but I couldn't answer at this point. He started telling me what a pretty girl I was, and how he just wanted a 'nice girl to talk to at home'- I was just sat completely still, and staring ahead.

He then put his hand on my thigh, and started stroking it, and then began touching my breast, while continuing to drive one-handed. I felt disgusting and guilty, but at the time I thought I deserved it for getting in his car in the first place, so I just let it happen. I remember thinking I should fight him off, or try and get out of the car, but I honestly couldn't even speak, let alone summon the energy to struggle.

I had no idea where he was taking me, but I knew we were heading away from the university area. After around 10 minutes, I seemed to unfreeze and it really hit me what was happening. I genuinely thought I was going to die in that car. I asked him if I could get out, but he just smiled at me. I'm only 5"1 and small built, so I didn't really stand of chance of overpowering him, and honestly, I was still too scared to try anything.

At this point, my mobile started ringing. I'd forgotten I even had a phone. I've never answered anything so fast in my life. It was one of my housemates who I was on the night out with, asking where I was and if I wanted to meet her in a takeaway. I didn't even look to see how the guy was responding, but the next thing I know he was pulling over and telling me to get out of the car.

I had no idea where I was, so I walked around looking for a street name and rang a taxi. I was sobbing and I told the taxi driver what happened, and he told me I had to tell the police and even offered to take me there, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, and I didn't want to stay in that car any longer than I had to. I got dropped home and promised I would inform the police in the morning.

I've never told anyone else what happened that night, and I blame myself for being stupid enough to walk home and for not being strong enough to fight. I pretty much willingly got in his stupid car and let myself get assaulted. I could have been raped or murdered, and it would have been my fault.

This whole incident has made me very distrustful of men. I have depression, anxiety and issues with self harm, which were triggered by what happened.

Please, let's not meet again.