Porcupinegirl787@yahoo.com

6

I couldn't wrap my head around his email. I didn't even know why it was so difficult to understand. I did understand. But at the same time, I didn't. I blew up at him and he was the one to be crazy with apologies. I was the one who should! He didn't do anything wrong, I just didn't know it was real!

I walk anxiously to class, holding Cody's hand tightly. "Cody, I'm scared..." "Why, Chara?" "When I see him I can't control myself! I went crazy mad last time." "Don't worry, Char. I'm right here. If you get super mad, just look at me again. Remember I'll always be here for you." "Oh, thank you, Cody. You are an amazing friend." "Hopefully I'll be just as good a boyfriend," he speaks quietly. "Don't be silly," I kiss him, "you are."

I look through the window of the classroom door. Sure enough, Matthew was there. Something snapped in me again. But Cody noticed. He squeezed my hand, which calmed me. I slowly opened the door and tried not to explode when he looked at me with his sad eyes. "G-good morning, Mr. Dean..." "Hi, Charlotte... Morning, Cody..." "D-Dean, I..." He turned away from me to continue sorting papers. The second he turned back to me, I held him in a tight hug. The tall man, taller than me by at least a foot, hugged back instantly, squeezing me tightly. "I'm sorry," I whisper as I start to cry into his chest. "It's okay... I understand..." "It's not okay..." "Yes, it is..." "N-no..." "Charlotte, can we talk after school?" "O-of course, Dean." "Matthew, please."

"Chara, are you sure you're okay to talk to him? You nearly snapped earlier." "I know, but I owe that to him." "Sweetheart, you owe him nothing. You didn't know the relationship was real and he wouldn't even tell you it was? He's the one who owes you." "But he didn't know I didn't know!" "You told me every time you spoke of it being a dream. He's a smart man." "Cody, that's not helping." "Sorry..."

"Top of the morning to you's," Jay greeted with the widest smile on his face. "You seem awful cheery," I grin. Oh, that was it. He would sure as hell not shut up until I learned every tiny detail now. "Matty James," he spoke with excitement. "The jock? What about him?" "He actually spoke to me earlier!" I haphazardly listen to his story of how romance was sure to follow after an apology for tripping him and an introduction. I was too focused on Dean. Sure, I love him, but he wouldn't even give me hints our affair was real! But I could have just checked yahoo... But he shouldn't have gone along with it! But I love him. But I'm with Cody now. But I love him!

"Yeah, that's... That's great, Jay..." "Dude are you even listening?!" "Well sorry! I'm just a little preoccupied with my own love life right now... I told Dean I want to talk to him, but I don't even know what to say!" "Well, what do you want to know?" "More things than I have time to ask." "Choose the top four. Ask those. The rest can wait." "Okay..." "Be direct. Don't beat around the bush at all. From personal experience, I know many people can't see suggestions like that. Make sure he knows exactly what to say." "O-okay... Thanks, Jay..."

"M-Mr. Dean?" I ask shyly, entering the classroom. I was alone this time, Cody had an appointment. "Hey, Charlotte. Thank you for coming." We share a quick hug and I start. "O-of course. I-I want to figure this out too." "So, um, what did you want to say?" "Um... I have questions." "I'm sure you do. Let me tell you, sweetie, I'll tell you everything you want to know; just name it." "Th-thanks. Um... Why did you choose me?" "I didn't, really. It was just by coincidence that our affair started. But if you must know, I-I was interested in you beforehand." "Okay. Next, how did you get my email?" "Simple. I overheard you telling Cody." "But he doesn't know porcupine..." "You made porcupine for me. I had emailed your normal account and you told me not to; you said you'd make a new one for me." "O-oh... Um, h-how did we start...?" "I invited you to my house and you were rather eager to accept. We spoke as friends, we watched a movie, we cuddled. The same thing happened for a few times. Then you started getting more intimate. You got quite clingy, you didn't like leaving. I put two and two together and asked you about it. You told me, with much resistance on your part, that you had an interest in me. Oh, I was so excited. You kissed me, I kissed back. It got heated. When we finished, you told me you wanted to do it again. Thus, our schedule was born. I was scared at first, honestly. That I wasn't good enough. That I was the lowest on your priority list. That the second you found someone else, you'd have no trouble breaking my heart. Turns out I was right," he smiled weakly. "What? You mean... It wasn't because of Cody! I was just scared... I was scared of people finding out, I was scared that it was real. I don't know, I just didn't think I was ready for you." "Then what's going on between you two?" "He asked me out. Only because he suggested I slept with him so that I wouldn't have to keep the secret from my parents." "But you still wouldn't be telling them about me by sleeping with him..." "But I could tell them I wasn't a virgin after. I can't say I lost my virginity to you, you know that. You're my teacher."

"Okay, Charlotte. One more question, then it's my turn." "Okay... Um, what is it that you like so much about me? You can't say you love me for sex, that isn't love." "You are an amazing girl, Charlotte. There is nothing not to love about you. You are perfect. You are sweet and kind and thoughtful and..." "Oh, Dean..." I hug him again. "I love you too." "You do?" I nod shyly and press myself against him, resting my head on his shoulder. He hugs me tightly and kisses the top of my head. "I love you, sweetheart."

"Okay, my turn for questions. Charlotte, does Cody know about us?" "Yeah, of course, he does. He's my best friend. I told him when it started. I told him every time we met. And I told him when I learned it was real." "Oh..." "Come on, you can't be mad, I thought I was dreaming!" "I'm not mad, sweetie. I understand. But I just think it would be easier to conceal if fewer people were told." "I get that, but I trust Cody as well. He is very trustworthy." "Are you sure?" "He hasn't told a soul as of yet." "Are you sure he can keep it secret?" "Positive." "Okay..."

"What's next, D?" "Um... Why did you like me?" I place a grab hold of his necktie, lean a little closer, bat my eyelashes and flirt in a quiet voice "how could anyone not like a sexy, strong, confident man such as the elusive mister Matthew Dean?" He bit his lip, making him so insanely sexy, and pulls me close. "Are you sure you want to end things?" He whispers right in my ear. His words snapped me back to reality. I push myself away from him and awkwardly speak: "oh- my gosh, I'm sorry! I kind of... Forgot that's what I was doing," I giggle awkwardly. "Sorry," I mumble to his sad eyes. "It's alright, I know we shouldn't be together. But I can't help that I love you. And even if I could, I wouldn't change it." "Why?" I ask, very curious. "You deserve to be loved. I've known you as more than a student for over a year and I know you deserve to be happy. And I know that through love you receive happiness. So through me loving you, I know you can be happier. Especially when you care for me in return." "Which I do! Greatly." "That's great," he smiles, giving me another hug.

"Sweetheart, I miss you." "I'm right here," I smile. "You know what I mean. It hurts to know you won't be coming back to me again. You've been only my third human commitment like this and one of those is my ill mother." "Oh, don't say that, Matthew. I need to do this; I don't want to when you say that. How am I only your second girlfriend? I know you're young, but come on! Most people in your class alone have had two and we're in fucking grade twelve!" "I know, I know, I hear more than enough gossip in a day. I know plenty more about everyone in the class than I'd like." "Really? Like what?" "Charlotte, really? I don't care how close we are, I can't tell you. It's wrong." "Oh. Right. That makes sense. Sorry."

"W-what else do you want to know?" "Just... Why? Why can't we be together? Look, I get that you can't tell anyone about us, but plenty of people have dated teachers, I'm sure." "Not their own, I bet." "One of my friends even dated her college professor for a short while." "Well, I'm not in college. Where the law is involved, you raped me. I'm not old enough to legally consent to you." "There are fifteen-year-olds supposedly dating thirty-year-olds. Seventeen and twenty-six is a better pair than that." "But still wrong! If I can't legally consent to sex with you, I'm too young to be with you!" "I understand, sweetie; I get that. But can we wait a little while? Wait until you're eighteen then try? Please, sweetie, I love you." "I love you too, but... I don't know. I'm with Cody now, I don't know if we'll be together by my birthday. If we aren't, sure, we can try. But if we are..." "Oh, thank you, Charlotte. Thank you."