Trippy Panda

Scatterbrained

You know, being scatterbrained is actually really nice. I get to think more. Even though it's so loud, I'm happy to know it's not dead silent. So, I've been writing notes to my friends, and damn. Their lives are so, cinematic. Just one big gigantic movie. FILLED with drama. They're so caught up thinking about how they want their lives to be, that they can't even focus on what's needed to be focused on. it's like, they're not even trying to expand their own mind and knowledge to the impossible. They're being sheep. Each with their own problems and trying to end their lives for those little things when They're the ones who make it that way. Not really with Mello, Eva, or Beatriz, but... With the others. And, well, they're just trying to live life now when they can do it later. The thing is, they're trying to live life the wrong way. Like the stupid generation we are being brainwashed to be. You know what though, I don't blame them. because right now I'm being a hypocrite. Because I too will catch myself from time to time worrying about what I want. I guess I've had/been on too much social medias for too long.

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

I'm happy it's been taken away from me now. I don't even need any of it. I don't think I want any of it back either. they can't control me and make me into their slave. I am not a sheep. I am not society. I am unique. I am different. I am myself. I am scatterbrained. I have my own free will to expand my mind with knowledge. Some people may say that I'm just a silly corrupted girl and I don't know/understand what I am speaking of. That's where they're wrong. It's their fault for not knowing what I speak of because they are the corrupted ones. They are the sheep. Already molded into something the Big G wants them to be.

What mindless fools.

Look at the sheep as they panic and are afraid of what they don't understand. Of course, as the saying goes, "A person is intelligent. But people are dumb" All because the people are divided enough already. So closed minded and uneducated it the world around them. So scared because of all the false images they see on their flat screen. "Pay attention to what the media doesn't want you to hear."

In Middle School

In Middle School, I could've grown up to be like them too. In Middle School, I was about to go down the path of the sheep. But what I did differently was that, in Middle School, I would still read. In Middle School, I would pay attention to the world around me. In Middle School I got to see things for what they really are. Now, in High School, I know better. In High School my mind has been, and still is being, expanded. In High School, I am becoming who I choose to be. In High School, I am finding myself... In Middle School, I was the sheep. I was the 11 year old who didn't yet grow up. I had understood what was right and what was wrong. Even if I didn't know what things were, I understood them. But I didn't know enough... I had curiosity.  And like they say, "Curiosity killed the Cat." I got myself in a hole of confusion and rumors, and then, my innocence was taken away. My mind began to corrupt. Filled with lies about life already. I had questions, but I never spoke up. I was becoming a sheep. How? I hung out with the wrong people. 11 years old was the age when I began to slowly wake up from this false reality. Now that I've opened my eyes, I've began to see and pay attention to the things that others ignore. Because I am not ignorant. I am my own person and I will not let people around me tell me what they want me to be.

I don't expect much in life. Curiosity still burns inside me though. I want to know more. I want to become better. I want to be my own person. Because I have my own free will, and I am not a sheep. I am not the thing that people want me to be.

Open your mind and expand it because there is no limit to knowledge.

DREAM, BUT DON'T SLEEP.

In the quiet, colorful room, the girl sits on her bed and asks herself what changed in her life for her to be so lonely? It's time for something to change about her. Time for a fresh start. She knows she doesn't want to be like this anymore. As she gets up, the walls around her begin to swirl as if rippling like water. They fade into a long greenery hallway that expands more and more into a wilderness. The girl kept walking, unaffected by the strange surroundings. Her pace began speeding up following the sounds of freedom. She guesses this is where the meaning "Run like the wind" came from. With her own free will, she leaps into the air and soars through the clear blue sky. She felt as if she would be in the air forever. Suddenly, gusts and gusts of wind and air splatter on her face and she starts descending lower and lower.  When she finally reaches ground level, with a hard push from her legs, she jumps one more and soars through the air again. She felt as if she was just on top of the world. The blue sky around her fades into purple. The purple starts getting multiple beams of light shining down on the girl. She spots one particular beam and reaches for it. But the closer she got, it felt as if the beam went away farther. She tried as much as she could to reach, but it was still to far. Will she ever be good enough? In this damned place of insanity where all the nightmares and black holes full of closed spaces and doors beyond the in between where the eye of space and time continue, and she isn't good enough? Swirls of lights and colors fly and surround her head filling her vision with brightness and beauty. She want's to be a swirl. A unique colorful swirl. In the darkest pit she could shine her own light and become hew own self full of wonders and dreams creating happiness like none other.

As the soft covers of my bed fill me up to the fullest, my tired eyes finally begin to close. Thoughts became less and less in my mind. The only subject I really pondered about, was how good my dream actually was before I finally had my eyes shut. Yes, what a wonderful dream. And I wasn't even sleeping yet.

I remember the first time...

This was it, this was the day. The day she was going to smoke weed for the first time. Beatriz's been asking her all the time when they'd be able to smoke together. Now, it's finally going to happen. On the last day of school.

As she was walking through her yard heading to the front door, she glanced at her wrist. Alex's Deadmau5 wrist band was dangling away. Oh yeah, she thought. I took it from him in gym... When we our moment.

She thought back remembering how they were sitting down next to each other just having small conversation. Then the subject on Guido came about. She stated on how scared she was with loving another person after finding out what Guido was doing behind her back. She was scared. if a guy in California could break her heart so easily, then what can a guy who lives here do to her? She felt her eyes water as drops of feelings trailed down her face. Then, Alex's hand reaches up to her face, and he gently wipes her tears. He turns her head to face his. Her heart began to thump faster and harder. Oh no, dude, he's going to kiss you! You got to do something.

She looked at him with her big green eyes and asked, "Alex, what's wrong with me? Am I too easy?"

"No," he said. "You're just a sweet girl who loves everyone."

Slowly, his face was coming a bit closer and closer.

What should I do?

Thankfully, instead of kissing her, he playfully shoves her face aside. She giggles and then does the same.

She knows there's only one person he cares for, that he should save. He wants to save everyone, but he knows he can't.

She looks up, takes her key from her pocket, and shoves it in the lock. Turning it, she thinks about the plan that her and Beatriz talked about. She's spending the night, so she'll come over with the weed and then we'll eat sandwiches, go to the park, pick up Arturo from his house so he could take us to the forest, smoke, go back to the park, wait a little, spray perfume, go home, and eat everything. She had everything planned.

Smoking though Beatriz's pipe was really easy. Inhaling it was easy too. She felt the smoke enter her lungs as she breathed in the chemicals. Smoking the herb. Adventuring. As she looked up in the sky staring at the clouds as they pass by, she thought to herself, so this is what living life feels like? Such bitter sweet freedom. She'd love to do it again.

And she did.