Dancing On Ice

Too Early, Too Much

Austin's POV

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I rolled over, the sunlight blinding me slightly. I slapped at my alarm clock, tiredly trying to make the piercing sound stop. I groaned as the noise continued. I turned over, not realizing I was already at the edge of my bed and fell onto the floor.

"Fuck me." I hissed quietly.

"Austin! No cursing in this house!" My dad yelled from the kitchen. Fuck my motherfucking life. I mouthed. "And no mouthing it either, son!" I shut my eyes. My dad could read me like an open book. I stood and took out the batteries to my alarm clock. I was a bit agitated, and I didn't like it. I didn't like being upset or angry. I liked being happy, and would rather fake happiness until it became genuine than cry or punch a wall. I dragged myself to the bathroom and took a shower.

Less than fifteen minutes later, I was in my kitchen with my dad, eating a bowl of cereal at the table. Dad was leaning against the counter, drinking coffee, while reading something off of his phone.

"How's school been?" He asked me. I shrugged, my mouth full.

"It's been pretty good." I told him. It wasn't a lie, I defiantly didn't mind being forced into going to a place that was deemed hell. And I sure didn't mind how I always felt so alienated and stupid in those classrooms with the too bright lights. School was peaches and fucking cream.

"That's good. See, there was nothing to hate about going to school." Dad glanced over at me and gave me a warm smile. Of course, he had no idea. None. I cried silently into my pillow every night so I wouldn't have to worry him. He had no idea how much I just wanted it all to be back to normal. How much I wanted to wake up and see my mom making breakfast for me. But. That. Couldn't. Fucking. Happen.

I polished off my cereal and went to go brush my teeth. Grabbing my backpack off the floor, I gave my dad a quick, side-hug.

"See you later, Dad. Have a good day at work." I told him quickly. "I love you."

"Love you too, son. Have a good day." He called after me. I shut the front door behind me and was walking outside. I could see the beach less than a block from my house. I always had enjoyed the view of the ocean. It reminded me of endless possibilities. I kept walking towards the sidewalk that overlooked the beach, when I saw Kellin approaching.

After spending the afternoon and early evening with him, I figured that he'd be happy to see me. He glanced up at me and gave me a shy wave. I smiled to myself and went over to him.

"Hey, Kells. What's up?" I asked him. He shrugged.

"Nothing. How're you?" He asked me, a small glance up at me. Granting me the privilege of seeing his beautiful eyes again. I beamed at him.

"Fucking awesome! I'm alive and well, it's all good, dude." I was lying through my teeth. Inside, I was a raging storm. But I didn't see the purpose in showing that. I was alive, that, itself is something to be happy about. He gave me a curious and questioning look.

"Is it really awesome, Austin? Or are you just saying that?" He asked me, looking me dead in the eyes. Under his gaze, I bit my lip and looked away.

"It's nothing, Kellin." I told him, still not looking at him. I could still feel his eyes on me, watching, gauging my reaction.

"You didn't mean it, did you?" He asked me quietly. I met his eyes once again.

"No. I didn't. But it's fine." I told him. He blinked, not saying anything.

"It's not, is it?" He pressed. Fuck. Was I being that obvious? I was pretty sure that I had mastered faking smiles and telling people that life was rad. "You don't have to lie, Austin." I didn't say anything, for the simple fact that I was scared I would confess everything to him, and I just couldn't have that. "My mom didn't come home last night. She never told me when she's coming back, actually."

"How long has she been gone?" I dared to ask him.

"Three days, I think. Honestly, I'm worried, but I can't do anything." He sighed and broke his gaze from mine. "She doesn't have a cell phone, so I can't call her."

"She'll come home. I'm sure she will. I mean, c'mon, she's your mom. So she loves you, right?"

"That's not always the case, Austin. In fact, I'm convinced that my mom..." He trailed off and blinked rapidly. "Nevermind. It's too early for this." He started walking, but I grabbed his wrist gently, turning him back to me.

"I don't see how it's possible that someone could hate you, Kellin. You're far too kind and caring." I told him. A tear fell down his cheek. He gave me a weak smile.

"I know how it's possible, Austin. I hate me. I hate every inch of me." He wiped at his eyes and snatched his wrist from mine. "I have to go." He mumbled before running away from me. I watched him go, to shocked by his words to move. There was so many things I could have done, I could have run after him, but what would that have helped? I felt like I knew too much, like it wasn't right. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Kellin was right; it was too early for this.

I walked onto campus and over to my friends, trying to remain upbeat and positive. Tino grinned at me. Justin moved over a little so I could stand in the make-shift circle of my friends.

"Hey, Austin." Phil said to me. Alan glared at me from across the circle.

"Hey, Phil. Hey, guys, what's up?" I asked the group. A group mumble of nothing much's and it's all good's came my reply. "Cool."

"Hey, Aus, can I fucking talk to you?" Alan growled at me. I raised an eyebrow at him. He stormed over to me before I could object and dragged me away from the group.

"What? Did I do something?" I asked him. He looked up at me with anger, hurt and shock in his eyes.

"What the actual fuck, man? You were supposed to come over yesterday! You didn't even call to cancel on me. Fucking dick move, man." He said to me, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm sorry, I had been hanging out with Kellin and I had totally forgot." I told him, realizing that he had asked me to come over and hang out.

"Oh, so now Kellin's your best friend?" He asked me angrily.

"What? Dude, calm down. You're my best friend." I assured him. He scoffed.

"Best friends don't ditch each other without at least calling to say why." Alan muttered. I felt my lips curve into a small smile.

"Is someone jealous?" I asked him teasingly. His cheeks instantly turned beet red and he looked away from me.

"No. I'm not. I'm just upset with you. Nothing more." He argued back. I rolled my eyes.

"You are! Alan, c'mon. It's okay, but seriously, it's not like I'm flirting with the guy. We were just hanging out and I lost track of time."

"Yeah. You were having so much fun with him, that you forgot about me!"

"C'mon, Kitty-"

"Don't fucking call me Kitty unless you're getting back with me."

"Just hear me out, okay? We can hang after school today, okay? We can go wherever you want."

"Your treat?"

"My treat."

"Fine."