Dancing On Ice

Worthless Opinons

Kellin's POV

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I could barely feel my toes in my shoes when we'd come back. There was a soft murmur of conversation, varying from music to sports and everything in between. I was trudging along by myself when Jesse came over to me. Both of us weren't very close to anyone else in the group. We'd both inadvertently been shoved together, due to everyone else's inside jokes.

"Hiya, buddy." Jesse said to me. I smiled at him. I couldn't help but wonder what exactly went on in his head. Not that he was weird, but more that he didn't seem to say a whole lot. I didn't either, but that was because most things that did go on in my head was pretty fucked up and just depressing. Jesse seemed fine, emotionally stable and confident in himself. So what did he think about at night? Or just in general?

"Hey, what's up?" I asked him kindly. He shrugged and glanced at Tino and Justin, the two laughing loudly about something.

"Nothing really. When we get back home, are you leaving town with your family?" He asked me. I shook my head. My mom was passed out again when I'd left my house, making sure that no one knew about it when I'd left. She actually didn't know where I was, and was hoping that she hadn't sent a search team out for me. But then again, knowing my mother, she'd just brush off my disappearance and look at it as a positive. I was no longer her responsibility, as far as she saw it.

"No, are you?" I was asking because I really liked going over to his house. It felt like an actual, normal family stayed there.

"Yeah, I'm going to my grandma's in Michigan." He told me.

"Sounds like fun. You excited?"

"Yeah, it's a family tradition to go to my grandma's house. Do you have a tradition like that?"

"No, not really." One thing that happened every holiday was that me and my mom got into an argument, ending with me in tears and her leaving for the night with some friends of her's. I hated the holidays. I hated winter break. Because it meant that there was no schoolwork to distract me from my shitty home life. I was given two and a half weeks to basically lounge around in the reality of my life.

"You okay? You seem upset about something." He probably was picking up on the fact that I was a bit upset with how my opinion never mattered. No one's opinion mattered. Not the rich, not the poor, no one's. The thought coming from nowhere as I'd wondered why some people didn't get a say in why things went the way that they did. For example, why couldn't I have a family like Jesse's, with traditions and freshly-made cookies waiting for me when I came home from school?

"Oh? I'm fine. Excuse me, I need to be alone for a minute." I felt bad for pushing Jesse away, but I did need to be alone. Most would think I was just antisocial, but in truth, I just didn't want to bring other people into my mess. I would much rather just try to work things out myself than bring someone else pain. Why did we all do that? Why did we suffer through pain, on our own, just to spare others? Why do we care?

My thoughts meant nothing to the world. They didn't stop wars, end world hunger or revolutionize the world. My thoughts did nothing. Just like why people wondered why I didn't speak. Because I knew that nothing I ever said held any value. Nothing I said was worth anything to anyone. I know, maybe that's a terrible way to think about things, but it's just how I saw it. That's why I hate having to speak during class or out loud to people.

Perhaps I was a shell of a human. Like a snail or a turtle. I was nothing without the facade I provided everyone. Without my false impression, I was nothing but a depressing, emo, fucking, faggot who couldn't do anything right. My mother's words were getting to me. I glanced at the house as Jack unlocked the front door so we could all go back inside. I hadn't eaten lunch with everyone else. I wasn't hungry. I'd had a Coke and maybe two fries.

I wasn't empty. Food wouldn't fill the hole in me anyway. I wanted a purpose. And food couldn't give me that. Sure, it could provide sustenance, but not significance. My head was beginning to throb with the deep thinking I was inducing on myself. Battering my mind and brain capacity beyond relief. Sleep. I needed sleep. I needed painkillers.

"Hey, wake up." A voice on the edge of my mind and consciousness spoke to me. It sounded so far away yet so close. Slowly, I opened my eyes and turned over to see Alan sitting on the edge of my bed, looking at me. For once, he wasn't glaring, but he didn't look very happy either. I yawned, covering my mouth politely. "I'm only going to say this once, so don't make me repeat myself." He took a deep breath as I stared at him, completely confused as to what was going on. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. I was just jealous and didn't know how to react. I should've just tried to talk to Aus about it instead of being a bitch about it. You make him happy, and that's all I want for him. Do you forgive me?"

"Yeah, I forgive you. I'm sorry for calling you Kitty. I had no right, and I'm sorry for hurting you as well. I've been going through a really rough time. But that doesn't mean anything. Do you forgive me?" I had no idea where his apology was coming from exactly, but I felt that it was only fair to apologize as well.

"Yeah, so we good?" Alan asked standing up. I nodded.

"Yeah, we're good." I told him. He nodded and went to my room door.

"Oh, one more thing," He turned to me before opening the door. "If you hurt Aus, I'll rip you're fucking face off." He opened the door and walked out, shutting the door behind him. I sighed. Well, that had went well. I slid out of bed and stretched, the sound of music being played coming from the living room. I walked out of my room to find the guys playing Just Dance. I laughed to myself, the sight hilarious. I stayed in the back of the room, just watching them. Tino glanced over his shoulder and saw me. He came over to me. I tensed up, hoping that he wasn't going to make me join in on the group dance party.

"Hey, dude." Tino said to me over the music. I smiled at him.

"Hey. Erm, what's up?" Me and Tino had spoken a few times, never one-on-one. He was a pretty chill guy, but I really had no idea what to say to him.

"Nothing much. Did you want to play as well?" He asked me. I shook my head.

"No, thank you. I'd like to just watch."

"Oh, well okay." He hesitated before speaking again. "I know it might not be my place, but, are you okay? You looked super bummed out earlier."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks. I was just tired is all."

"Okay, I was a bit worried. Then I saw Alan coming from your room, he didn't say anything bad to you, did he?"

"No, we made up and everything's good now. You didn't have to be worried."

"I'm glad you two made up." Phil called Tino over and Tino glanced at me once more. "It's my turn, you sure you don't wanna play?"

"I'm sure." I told him with a small grin.

"Okay then." He walked away from me and over to in front of the television. I stayed put, watching as all of the guys danced around, looking like complete idiots. None of them cared though. Eventually, I found myself walking over to the group. I didn't join in on playing along, but I wanted to be closer, to see what it felt like to be surrounded by people who liked you for being you.

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A/N: This is the second to last chapter. It's okay though! I already have another story, but this one is a short story, still a fanfiction, but it won't be chaptered. Thank you for reading and voting, it means the world to me, honestly.